When We Think We Know Better

by Annmarie Worthington

I heard something today that got my dander up. It was a comment someone made about another person. I know neither the commenter nor the commentee, I simply overhead them in the grocery store. I was struck by their complete arrogance that they knew what was best for this other mom to do, in a situation I suspect they had very little actual information. So, in today’s post you will get to hear from the snarky, sarcastic Annmarie. (You lucky duck). Then, I will once again step down from my soap box.

We’ve all been guilty of judging the way other families do things.  Some people are offended that they let their children watch PG-13 Harry Potter episodes. Other people think it’s wrong to let your children play outside on the Sabbath. Or maybe we feel they don’t discipline their children correctly. “Well, if my child did that I would….[fill in the blank]” Why do we do that to each other? Is it not possible that God put those children in just the family He wanted them in knowing the personality of the mom and dad?

My family experiences this too. I’ve chosen a different path than many people. Being a single mom who homeschools is no easy feat. However, I am CONVINCED it is the right path for my family. I’ve prayed and fasted about it often.  Anything else doesn’t feel right to me. Does that make life challenging? You betcha! But, my children are worth it. I do, however, get a lot of people who seem to think I’ve made the wrong choice. They don’t say it outright (except for one or two). It’s more subtle hints. Many people seem to think that all my problems would be solved if I put my children in public school.

There is a joke in my house, because of the amount of people that have negatively commented about my decision to keep homeschooling. Anytime something goes wrong, we say, “Well, you know if I put you in public school this wouldn’t have happened.”

Are the biscuits burned? Well, darn it, I should have put you in public school. Is my paycheck late? Guess that wouldn’t have happened if you were in public school. Maybe it is snarky of us to laugh at it, but it sure lightens the load sometimes to have fun.

This post isn’t actually about my homeschooling choice, so if you happen to be one of the people that has said something to me about it, there really are no hard feelings. Besides, I’m sure I’ve judged you too at some point. It’s what we humans seem to do best.

My actual point is, we don’t know what Heavenly Father has told other families. My bishop and I had a quick talk about this once after a comment someone said to me about homeschooling my children. The bishop told me that God wouldn’t even tell him how I was supposed to educate my children. I am the leader of my home and I am who God will tell.

I have to remember that as well when I am tempted to judge another family’s choices. I am as guilty as the next person of inwardly scolding someone’s choices.  We all have strong opinions when it comes to child rearing. It would do us good to remember that most parents truly have their children’s best interest at heart, and know their children better than anyone else. We need to have the benevolence to not feel we always know what is best for others. We need to let God lead them.  If they unintentionally actually make the wrong decision (as we ALL do sometimes), let’s come up beside them and help.

Sometimes families do make poor choices. Even evil ones. What do we do then? Let’s say a family is falling apart because of drug use, or some other equally foolish behavior. We could all gossip about them and talk about what horrible parents they are. Because, you know, that will really help them heal their family. Why is it religious people so often shoot their wounded? Instead, why don’t  we come alongside them and love them.  Let them spend time with you and see the fruit of parenting according to scripture. Not in a preachy, “see how much better my family is” way, but just live your lives around them.

I think if we spent more time loving and serving one another, instead of judging each other’s decisions, we would be a much healthier nation. There would be less burdens weighing people down, and happier families. Where there still are burdens, sometimes because of bad choices and sometimes because life isn’t fair, let’s lift up the hands that hang down. That’s a lot more helpful than wagging our tongues and shaking our heads.

There….I’ve said it and now I am officially off my soapbox.

Getting to Teach

Wow! I’ve got so much that has happened this week I don’t even know where to start. So, I’m just going to list out a few things.

Item One:

First, I do NOT have liver cancer. It was such a complete relief to eliminate the worst case scenario first. We don’t know what is wrong with me, but we’ll find out. I so grateful that I do not have to go through cancer treatments again. Though I had a blessing that promised I would survive, I was worried about going through that as a single mom. I still remember how hard it was when I was married and had cancer. At that time I only had one child. Now I’d be alone, no help, and 4 children. Thankfully that wasn’t my lot. My doctor is setting up an appointment with a specialist, so we’re looking at other possibilities. I’m not worried in the least. I feel really confident about things.

Item Two:

We start our school year tomorrow. I’m so excited. You would think someone whose schedule is so challenging would be dreading the start of our school year, but on the contrary I’m thrilled. I get so much joy out of teaching my children. I’m looking forward to this year’s subjects as well. I’ve decided for the children to do creative writing three days a week and essay writing the other two. By the end of the year my two oldest children will have written a short adventure novel. Not only that, but Dillon starts rhetoric and Rachel starts logic. It opens up a new world for them. Plus, Dillon gets to take Physics and Calculus. We’re finally getting to some challenging work. I’ve been looking forward to this since Dillon was in Kindergarten.

Item Three:

I’ve begun having some gospel discussions with my youngest. Although, he overhears the discussions with the other children, for the most part they are completely over his head. Now he’s old enough to begin teaching. How it began is actually kind of funny. I was telling Dillon about the horrific terrorism that took place in Oslo this weekend. When I told him about the youth camp I didn’t realize Neil had been listening. He walked up to me and asked how many lives they had left. At first I was confused, but then I realized the only exposure he has had to “death” is playing games on the wii. First, I had to explain to him that in real life you only get one life on earth, but that we get to live with Heavenly father forever after we die. He didn’t understand why we only get one life, but asked really good questions. It was fun trying to come up with ways to put the answers on his level.

Item Four:

Technically this is part of three. I’ve been trying to come up with ways to help my children understand why we live out our covenants if the Savior has already paid for our atonement. They weren’t violating their covenants in any way, nor do they have a desire to. I just wanted to make sure they understood the vast importance of our earthly existence. Someone emailed me a BYU devotional that covered the topic perfectly. It is called His Grace is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox. You can download it for free on the link I’ve provided if you’re interested. I really recommend reading it. Then this morning in Relief Society my friend Deanna was teaching. She read a quote that I want to teach my children. “We live to die and die to live,” I can’t wait to discuss it with them. First we’re going to watch a video of a general conference talk by President Packer that I think is perfect for pioneer day. It is called The Test.

Well there are so many more things to write about, but they will have to wait until I have more time. Enjoy your pioneer day!

The Gift of Learning

 

And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; –D & C 88:118-119

There are so many wonderful things I love about the Latter Day Saint faith. I cherish the church’s stance on learning and education. We are encouraged regularly to do everything we can to improve our knowledge, both secular and spiritual. What a blessing! What a gift!

I was once told by a pastor’s wife at my former church that I was over-educating my children. She told me they’d end up weird and on drugs. I have no idea where the drug connection was, but figured if they ended up weird it wouldn’t be from their “over” education. It would be because their mom was weird. As there is nothing I can do about that, we might as well keep learning.

There are obvious temporal benefits from continuing education, such as better employment and salary opportunities. But, there are incredible spiritual benefits as well. I always tell my children: Every time you learn something new, you’ve added another way you can love and serve your Heavenly Father.

Are you studying an instrument? You can use it to serve at church, bless people with beauty, and teach others who may want to learn. Think of the joy you can bring to elderly people at a nursing home, or who are homebound, when you visit and play a few songs for them. They are so happy for both the company and beauty.

Are you studying a new language? You have a whole new people group with whom you can share the gospel. At many of the bigger piano competitions, where my son competes, the majority of the competitors are Asian. My family is learning Mandarin together so we can better fellowship and minister with our new acquaintances. I have so enjoyed the fellowship time I’ve had with one of my new friends from China as she allows me to practice with her and ask her questions.

Are you studying math? That is one of my favorites. There are countless people who need tutoring whom you can bless with the knowledge you’ve developed. One day, when I have enough money to cover my bills, I want to tutor at risk children from disadvantaged homes free of charge. I want to develop relationships with them and love them, all while helping them get through Geometry or Algebra 2 well.

There are so many incredible things in this world our Savior formed. Daily I get to sit with joy and wonder as my children and I study science together. My oldest (14) is doing chemistry this year. My 10 year old is studying zoology, and my 6 year old is studying astronomy. Each day brings us new admiration at the glory of the universe and creatures God has made.

I long to go back to school, but have to wait until I am making enough money to cover all our expenses.   One day….. (sigh). In the meantime, I study daily at home, and take great joy in schooling my children, looking forward to the day I can go to the university myself.

I feel so blessed that I belong to a church where I don’t feel I have to avoid talking too much about what the children and I are learning. Nobody here thinks I’m nuts if I let my 10 year old learn algebra, or my 3 year old learns to read. Instead we are encouraged to learn as much as we can. It was even a visiting teaching message not too long ago.

I would love to hear some of the ways you guys are becoming houses of learning.  Oh….and if you’re ever interested in homeschooling, give me a buzz. I can talk about that for hours. You should also check out the Latter Day Homeschooling blog (and not just because I am one of the authors). There is loads of information on ways to bring learning into your home, no matter what avenue you have chosen to school your children.

www.latter-dayhomeschooling.com

Thank you so much, Heavenly Father, for the gift of learning!

By the way, next week is Education Week at BYU. You can take as many classes as you want for $50!