Why I Stay

I often get emails about my conversion.  The trend lately has been people incredulous that I'm STILL Mormon, as if it were some kind of infection they were certain I'd have recovered from by now.  Let me tell you why I stay.

When I was protestant, I lived a faithful life. I studied my scriptures diligently. I prayed. I strived to keep my life free from sin. I did my best to serve. Yet, whenever I read the verse from John 10, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me," I'd get worried. I couldn't hear His voice no matter how hard I tried.  I was sure that meant I wasn't "saved".

I talked with my husband about it. He always blew it off saying, "If you're not saved, no one is." While I appreciated his confidence in my spiritual life, I couldn't help but feel a shard of ice cold fear. I spoke with a pastor about it. He asked me to go through 1 John and look at the "tests" of discipleship. I would always pass that test with flying colors, no matter how many times I took it. Yet, I didn't feel at peace. Why couldn't I hear the Savior's voice? I'd pray and ask that question all the time. Heaven seemed silent.

Enter my conversion.

While my worries about the passage from John had absolutely no influence on my conversion, one of the HUGE (and surprising) benefits I received from being Mormon was an answer to that prayer. Suddenly, I could hear and recognize the Savior's voice--clearly and often.

I can't begin to describe what a blessing that is to both myself and my family as a whole. That single answer to prayer is enough to keep me Mormon forever. I'm not willing to give up my intimate communion with the Savior through the Spirit of God simply to make my life easier and my religion more palatable to others.

I stay because it has brought me closer to my God and Savior than I ever fathomed possible.

The Sweet Memory of Past Sin

That title probably sounds weird…even wrong.  No memory of sin should be sweet.  Of course not, but bear with me.  Many of you know I am a homeschool mom.  My oldest daughter will be reading St. Augustine’s Confessions this fall.  I’ve been re-reading it in order to write a discussion guide for us to use.  I came across this passage:

“I must now carry my thoughts back to the abominable things I did in those days….the memory is bitter, but it will help me to savour your sweetness, the sweetness that does not deceive but brings real joy and never fails.”  ~ st. augustine

That completely changed my view of the past.  While before it brought me low and I used it as a warning never to allow myself to be deceived again. It’s different now. Sweeter.  It’s still a good reminder to beware, but now it also draws me into praise. 

My Savior gave himself as a sacrifice, so that I could be at peace before my God.  Now, instead of being weighed down with guilt, I smell the sweet aroma of the sacrificial atonement.  No wonder the Old Testament sacrifices were such a pleasing aroma to God.  They brought to His mind the willing love and sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. 

Now, if something reminds me of the past, I think of the Savior’s gift and look toward the future, where I will dwell with my God. When I do that, my heart swells with love and praise for him.  That is definitely sweet.

 

When You Disagree with Leadership

 

From the time Mormons are knee-high to a priesthood holder, they are taught the stories about Nephi and his brothers.  Nephi honored both God and his father. His brothers, Laman and Lemuel, complained and rebelled.  Yet, despite the fact that we’ve been taught these stories over and over again, somehow we seem to be missing the point-- How they got that way.

I hear grumblings in the church a lot lately.  I hear them in the ward. I hear them on Facebook. There are grumblings about women and the priesthood.** There are grumblings about gay marriage.  Sometimes the grumblings are about petty issues.  They usually start with the phrase, “If I were in charge…”

With all due respect, and as someone who would sometimes do things differently herself, we are not in charge.  Our job is to decide if we can sustain our leadership. If so, then get in the trenches and lift them up.  Make their burden lighter. Magnify our callings.  So, how do you decide if you can sustain your leadership on issues you feel differently?  Do what Nephi did. 

Nephi didn’t just say, “He’s our father and we’ll do what he says.” Nor will you have to say “The leadership says this so…”

Look at this verse that explains Nephi’s reaction when he was perplexed.

“Wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.” 1 Nephi 2:16b

Therein lies the difference.  Nephi sought out what the Lord wanted him to do.  He didn’t go into it with his mind made up. He sincerely wanted to know the truth and was willing to honor whatever that was.  I love that about Nephi.

Nephi then went to his brothers and explained to them the things the Spirit had made known to him.  Sam believed. Laman and Lemuel still refused. Why were their hearts so blind to the truth?  I have a couple of ideas.

1. It’s possible they refused to even seek the Lord.  Maybe they didn’t want to know that what their father was saying was correct.  They had in mind the world they wanted to live in and their father’s visions weren’t in line with that.

2. They looked “beyond the mark”. Jacob 4:14 talks about this.

“…they despised the words of plainness, and killed the prophets, and sought for things that they could not understand. Wherefore, because of their blindness, which blindness came by looking beyond the mark, they must needs fall…”

One of the words we translate as sin in the New Testament, literally means “to miss the mark”.  That is very interesting to me in light of the warning in Jacob 4:14.  When we insist on looking beyond the mark, the standards that God has set, we’re not just missing the mark, we’re putting ourselves at risk of spiritual blindness.

If you’re someone who is struggling with leadership, may I suggest spending some sincere time in prayer asking Heavenly Father to help you see what is right and what is wrong.  Do it with an open mind.  I promise, if you do, you will find a peace like you have never experienced before. The peace that Nephi experienced when the Spirit enlarged his mind to understand.

**To my non-Mormon readers, I wanted to make a small note about women and the priesthood.  What is not commonly known is that we don’t have a priesthood vocation.  You don’t become a Mormon priest as a career. Even our bishops, who lead the local congregations, are unpaid and generally only serve for 5 years in addition to their normal vocation that they continue to work in order to support their families.

The Problem with the Conference Dissenters

 

Even if you didn’t watch General Conference this past weekend, you’ve probably seen the articles about the dissenters. Essentially, they feel like there isn’t enough communication between the Prophet along with other General Authorities and the laity.  They want an open forum to address their doctrinal concerns.  I see a major problem with that.  It’s not what they’re called to do.  A prophet’s job is not to listen to us. His job is to listen to what the Lord says.  Would you really want a prophet who led by the majority opinion of the people? I certainly wouldn’t.

Imagine this scenario toward the end of the 7th century BC….

People: Jeremiah, we need to talk to you.  We’re not happy with some of the things you’re saying.  WE’RE God’s people, the Babylonians should not come to rule over us.

Jeremiah: Well, you know, God’s doing that because you are His people. You refuse to listen, so He’s got to get your attention.

People: About that….We think some of these rules are unnecessary.  Here are some things we think merit further discussion:

1. The Seventh Year Sabbath:  We’d be much more financially and agriculturally productive if we weren’t required to rest the land every seven years.   In fact, that’s why we’ve been ignoring the command.  All the farmers have discussed it and feel we should decide how to run our farms.
2. The Levites: Why should just the Levites get the priesthood? I mean there are plenty of people in the tribe of Naphtali that feel like that’s how they’d like to spend their lives.  Does God love the Levites more? Are you saying other tribes are worth less?
3. Levitical food restrictions: We really feel like we should eat whatever we want.  The other day, some guy from the outlying regions brought bacon.  It was GOOD.  We don’t see the wisdom in restraining from certain foods and feel bacon should be a part of our diet.

Jeremiah:  Hmmm….well if you put it that way.  I’m sure God won’t mind if we change a few things.  After all, a lot of things have changed since Moses was around.

Though the above scenario is ridiculous, that is essentially what the dissenters are wanting. They want a say in doctrine.  But, let’s be honest, any leader who does that will end up leading the church astray.  We shouldn’t desire our leaders to establish doctrine by vote. 

By the way, there was a time that happened. You may remember it. It’s called the apostasy.

I am grateful, for a prophet and apostles who look vertically for guidance, instead of horizontally.

**Side note** There were dissenters in the time of the Old Testament prophets as well. Though, instead of not sustaining, they would imprison or murder them.  Jeremiah went through quite a lot, but was steadfast regardless of what the people did to him or how much his heart was broken by the destruction of Jerusalem.  Let’s pray for our leadership, that they will remain strong and courageous as well.

Why I Don’t Date Outside the Church

I have great friends. Several of them are intensely interested in my dating life. They’re occasionally giving me a gentle nudge.  OK, some are outright shoving.  I know they’re doing it out of love and concern, and for that I love them deeply.  The two biggest criticisms I get are 1. I don’t put myself out there and 2. My standards are too high. While I realize I am under no obligation to justify my behavior, I wondered if there were other singles going through the same thing. Here are my reasons.

As my beautiful friend Emily once told me, “You’re not going to find someone hiding under a rock.” First of all, I’d never go under a rock.  There are worms there.  I understand her point though. While that is true it is easier to meet someone if you do things like go out in public, I’m just  not in a position to yet. During the day, I homeschool my children. In the evening, I work…yep, from home.  My computer screen and I are tight.  Yes, I realize the church has singles conferences everywhere (except here apparently), but there are reasons why I’m not dashing off to them.

I spent nineteen years serving my (ex) husband and children instead of building up my marketability and resume. I don’t regret that at all, however the end result is I’ve had to  start from scratch earning a living. That takes a lot of time. I’m in survival mode. Singles conferences are expensive and time consuming. I have children to care for and that leaves me little time for traveling.  If I did earn enough to travel, I’d take my lovely children on one of those things called family vacations.  I hear they’re awesome.

Let’s face it, even if I did go, I know me enough to know I wouldn’t get the full value. I’d spend my time terrified, wishing I had my books with me. I won’t flirt. My adorable friend Jen tried to get me to flirt with my nuclear medicine doc because he liked talking to me about what books I was reading. I couldn’t do it. I don’t know how.  While she gave some hilarious suggestions, one including a glow stick under my shirt during scans, it just isn’t me. I think she’s still mad at me for not trying.

The biggest criticism I get, however, is my standards.  A few of my friends are worried that I have impossible standards to meet. One is concerned I’ll never find someone  intelligent enough to make me happy. Several think, because there aren’t many single LDS men my age in this area, who are also righteous, I should look outside the church and convert them.

I don’t think that is wise. Here’s why. First let me say, if you are dating someone outside the church, I am not judging you. This is my personal standard.

The purpose of dating isn’t just to have fun.  I have lots of guy friends, that I don’t consider relationship eligible, that I have fun with all the time. We talk, we do silly things, we watch movies.  See…fun (within my limited time availability). Dating is different. The ultimate purpose of dating is to find an eternal partner. I would never marry someone who is not a member, so why date them? Would you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn’t love the Savior and the gospel as much as you do?

I had a lovely friend suggest I join Mensa and start conversing with some guys with similar interests as me. I was really tempted.  I crave thoughtful conversation. I might even meet someone much smarter and could challenge myself to even things up a bit. I wouldn’t mind that at all.  I’d gone as far as to look up joining on their website, but changed my mind.  Why?  What if I fell in love? I’ll say it again, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t love the Savior and the gospel as much as I do.

I can hear the naysayers now…. “But, you could convert them.”

Possibly, but what if I can’t? Then I’m left with two devastating choices. Break my own heart by ending the relationship or break my own heart by violating my standards and conscience. Not to mention the horrible example such a compromise would be to my children. 

I’d also be afraid that someone would appear to convert just to retain the relationship, but not have a real testimony.  How long do you think he’d be able to hold out faking it once the honeymoon was over and real life set in?

No thank you.

I’m perfectly happy to be friends with non-member men. I always talk about the gospel anyway. If  they convert and I’m interested, fine. If not, we’re best just as friends.

Honestly, I don’t mind waiting.  You don’t have to worry about me pining away at home wishing I had someone.  I promise. The occasional exception being after watching a Jane Austen movie.

In reality, I’m more tired than lonely. I’d rather wait until the Lord sends someone I can respect and trust to lead our home in righteousness than compromise for the temporary pleasures the world has to offer.

Continuing in Christ

You’ve been baptized. You made a commitment to die to yourself and live for Christ. It is an exciting time. Recent conversations with inactive members have convinced me of one thing. A commitment to Christ will not survive if it is only made at baptism. It is easy to be strong in the newness of the gospel. You’re excited. You see all the possibilities of a new life before you. But that light will fade if you don’t cling to it.

Your life in Christ will last only if you make a commitment to die to yourself a thousand times every day. You must continually make that commitment to Christ over and over.

Sometimes it is with big decisions. You must give up an addictive habit or learn to live within the bounds of moral purity. Those are important. But, to be frank, most of the decisions we make that lead to a righteous life are in the little decisions. Being diligent with our time. Spending time in prayer and scripture. Putting others before ourselves, without acting like a martyr for doing so.  These myriad of mini commitments we make are what keep us in the atonement of Christ.

Sometimes it is in making a commitment to just hang on in suffering. When your pain is beyond the aid of words or music, to cling to Christ. To say “I believe You. I will not forsake you, though I feel forsaken.”

Those decisions will change your life. Those will help you to grow to be more like the Savior. These will keep you on the path to salvation.

The Church Cannot Raise Your Children

It doesn’t matter whether you’re protestant, catholic, or LDS. It is up to you to raise and instruct your children. Yes, the church is fantastic and has lots of opportunities for learning the gospel.  In the LDS church we have primary, Sunday School, the Young Men and Young Women programs, and high school seminary. They are all good things. It’s important your child goes, but at best they are basic. Even the seminary program, which I highly recommend, is just four years of survey courses. Our children need more.

The general authorities (leadership in the LDS church) know this too. They’ve counseled parents on multiple occasions to have daily scripture study, prayer, and fun time together as important aspects of child rearing.

If you’ve ever taught primary you know the lessons can be….um…repetitive. I believe I taught a lesson on “Choose the Right” more times than I can count. That repetition is good and there probably isn’t an LDS child around that couldn’t tell you how important it is to make right choices. However, our children need doctrine too. They need to go through the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price (Whew! We have a lot of Scriptures) thoroughly before they leave your home.

Why?

I think the answer to that is twofold. 

1. That our children may know who god is and what he expects of them

The Book of Mormon puts it this way: 

“And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26

2. that they may grow in godliness

I love this passage in the New Testament:

“And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2

So where do you start?

First, in your everyday life.

You must live the gospel yourself. You must also talk about it.  Listen to what Moses taught the Israelites as they were about to enter the promised land.

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Duet. 6: 6.

It should just be a natural part of living- a regular and comfortable part of your daily conversations. Our children need us to engage with them about real life and how it fits in with the gospel.  Discuss current events with your children. Discuss politics. Help them learn to think for themselves and not just accept what the talking heads on television are telling them. Challenge them to look at the world in light of what we know about God’s instructions to us.

Make sure they understand that everyone is biased—yes even your favorite news anchor.  I’ve got news for you, you’re biased as well. When you can face that, it will help you be more honest with your children about exploring world views. Help them to take what they’re hearing and compare it with the word of God. Teach them to pray and ask the Spirit what is true and what they should do about it.

Second, in formal instruction.

This is where daily scripture study comes in.

For young children, teach them the stories of the Scriptures. They should know about Abraham, Moses, Christ, Paul’s life and Martyrdom, Nephi, King Benjamin, etc…

LDS parents need to be careful not to just focus on the Book of Mormon. Your future missionary is a lot less effective in ministering to protestants when they have a remedial understanding of the Old and New Testament. Believe me, as a former protestant who was an investigator for three years, I was often appalled at the lack of knowledge some missionaries had. It made me less likely to take them seriously.  Plus, they are missing out on a large portion of God’s instruction to us.

For older children, take the time to do an additional more in depth study. Our classes at church do not (to my complete exasperation at times). Do a weekly study with them on a book of scripture. Give them assignments that teach them how to study the words of God for themselves.

I know you’re probably thinking when you’re going to find the time to fit all this in. Believe me, if I can do it ANYONE can.

Most parents love their children. Most want to do what is the best for their children. Just don’t be tempted to think just sending them to church is enough. It’s good, but it’s not enough.

For Those That Are Discouraged

Sometimes you can do everything right and things can still go wrong.  When that happens, it is easy to get discouraged. I was feeling that way last week. I was undergoing difficult medical treatments.  Then, what was supposed to be three days of isolation (because of some radioactive treatments), turned into a week. Then they added painful injections. Then, in the midst of my isolation I received a letter from someone that brought up horrible memories. Then, I got super sick. Then a tree fell on my house. Seriously—a tree. My landlord has pictures. Can you believe that week?

You can see where I might get discouraged. That is until I came across a passage in the book of Ether.

The Jaredites were about to go on a trip—a long trip.  They had made all the preparations. (see Ether 6:4) They did everything right. They even “commended themselves unto the Lord.” Then the storm came.

“And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.” Ether 6:6

They knew the Lord brought the storm, but it doesn’t make weathering it any easier.  Storms are frightening. Storms can be painful. But, here is the helpful part. Storms have purpose.

“And it came to pass that the  wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.” Ether 6:8

When I read those words, the Spirit brought me instantaneous comfort. I was reminded that the Lord has purpose and direction for the things He’s bringing into my path.  Each storm He brings my way is designed to bring me closer to the goal.

You may be wondering what’s the goal? For me, it is conformity to Christ. I want to be like my Savior.

“And we know that all thing work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to HIs purpose. For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son…” Romans 8:28-29

That is the beauty of commending yourself into the hand of the Lord. Peace. At that moment, in the midst of the turmoil swirling around me, the Lord reminded me I was not forgotten. He had my back. I felt like I could do anything.

I’m grateful for a Savior who is patient with me when I grow frightened and weary. But, more than that, I’m grateful for a God who is bigger than storms.

Why I’m Not “Repentant”

There is a large group of people waiting for me to renounce Mormonism.  They pray for my repentance. They occasionally mention my need for it.  I’m sure they wonder what is taking me so long.  They think of me and shake their heads. Today I’d like to explain why I’ve not “repented”.

I have found Christ.  While I did love and worship Him before, it’s deeper now because I understand Him more.  It’s like when you first meet someone and have an instant bond with. You like them. After a time, however, as you really get to know them, it’s different. You know THEM and it makes you love them even more. 

That is how I feel about my faith. I know Christ and my Heavenly Father more than I ever have. When I was a reformed protestant, I loved my Savior. I truly did. Yet, if I’m being honest, I felt something was missing. I’d read my scriptures, which I loved and felt somehow I was missing something. The only thing I can liken it to is reading a literary passage where I know there is a deeper meaning I should be grasping. I can kind of see it, but it’s blurry and just out of reach. 

Other times, the problem was more obvious. I had the distinct feeling that we, like the Pharisees during the life of the Savior, were missing the point. There were also aspects of Scripture we seemed to be ignoring.

In all my life, I’ve never felt closer to my God. I finally know what that passage means when it says “My sheep hear my voice.” I know what it means to be led by the Spirit of God. I know my God and He knows me. I know what it means to have the Savior call you friend. I know what it means to have Him beside me. Really beside me.

Here are the things Mormonism has added to my life:

• A much deeper knowledge of the Godhead and communion with them.
• Real peace that comes from knowing I am in His will.
• The constant companionship of the Holy Spirit, including His whispered guidance.
• Priesthood ordinances that do things I couldn’t even begin to delineate here.
• The FULLNESS of the gospel.  I no longer have to read my scriptures and wonder why something is not a part of gospel living anymore, because it is a part of it. After all, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Why would I give that up?

So, that is why I am not willing to “repent”. Can those of you who think I am going to hell still pray for me? Of course! But, while you do, take a moment to sincerely pray and ask your Father in Heaven if maybe you’re  not missing the point.

The Habits of Wisdom

I had a mild breakdown tonight. So much stress. So much to do. So much I want to accomplish, and so little time. So, I went to my knees and cried out to my Father in Heaven. I asked Him to help me, to give me wisdom for what I have to accomplish. I asked to be aware of the things He wanted me to do and to make them a priority.

The information that followed was not new, but it was a good reminder.

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7

The key, for me, is to remember to put first things first. Instead of stressing over everything that has to be done and rushing from responsibility to responsibility in a frenzy, I need to slow down. That doesn’t mean drop any responsibilities. Instead, it means to put my Savior first. But not only that, but to do each responsibility peacefully--remembering it is my Savior I am serving, no matter how mundane a task may seem. I can take the time to do them with beauty.

I’m writing this to remind myself and keep myself accountable.  I love my Savior and I love my family. I want to serve both of them to the best of my ability.

Take Back Our Children

This may be a post that some people find difficult. I’d like to say I’m sorry, but I’m not.  Why not? Because this is important. Little by little we are selling our children. In our country, there are three viable options for your children’s education: Government (public) Schools, Private Schools, and Home Schools.
It is the parents to whom God has given stewardship of their children, so those parents must pray about which option is best for their family. Each family’s reasons are personal for why they choose them. We have no right to interfere with their decisions.

That being said, there is something insidious going on in our country and many parents seem pretty complacent about it.  The schools are taking over the role of the parents, in many cases overriding parental standards and choices. This isn’t just happening in the United States. Germany hasn’t allowed parents the right to pull their children out of school since the Third Reich. In the United Kingdom, there was recently a story about a family whose child was suspended because the parents packed a lunch that violated school lunch standards. The rotten parents allowed their child to have some cheesy crisps. Can you believe the negligence?

While I was outraged on behalf of the British parents and my heart weeps for German families that have their children taken away for teaching subversive ( ie. different from what the government wants) ideas, there is something happening right on our doorsteps in the U.S. and many are complacent. I’m talking about common core.

It is being touted as an elevation of standards and college readiness. At the risk of sounding like Dolores Umbridge (who still makes me shiver), this is  a lie.  Even a cursory look at the standards shows they are not raising them, but in many cases lowering them. Instead, it is creating a generation (or more if it continues) of children who will be indoctrinated in a certain ideology.

On top of that, the instruction that is taking place is flawed, especially in the elementary years.  What may have been a well intentioned attempt at teaching children to think outside the box, is going to cause our elementary aged students to grow up feeling confused and stupid, especially in math.  They’re trying to force young children to grasp the abstract.

As any proponent of classical education can tell you, that is not how young children learn.  They need to start with the concrete. Then, when they are developmentally ready move on to the abstract. This usually takes place in their Junior High School years.  You know those years…when they start arguing about everything. Then, the High School years they are ready to communicate the new concepts and ideas they have formed.  To learn more about this see Dorothy Sayers' essay The Lost Tools of Learning.

But, let’s get back to the main point. There are reasons not to give a central government control over the education of our children. It’s just plain dangerous. The blatant indoctrination in these standards will end up shaping the minds of our children. The danger won’t be obvious at first, but I see the direction this is heading. 

So, here is what I’m asking, I would like you to watch the video below. Then I would like you to pray about what the Lord would have you do. I firmly believe we need to stop Common Core.

Changes

“And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren,

        if ye have experienced a change of heart, and

        if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love,

I  would ask, can ye feel so now?” Alma 5:26

We buried my father this week. One of my brothers was late for the funeral due to circumstances outside of his control. I didn’t want to start the service without him, so to try to keep those in attendance from awkwardness I spoke about my father and some of the many changes that he has gone through in his lifetime until my brother could get there. That got me to thinking about why people change. Some for good and some for bad.

How many times have you seen someone glowing from their recent baptism? Their whole being is different and they are excited about the new life ahead of them. Some go their whole lives with this glow and desire to love and serve their God. Others grow dull. For some it only takes a few months and they’ve disappeared. For others it is years later before they give up. What is the difference? Why do some endure to the end and others can’t endure through the month?

The passage above gives a glimpse of what it is like to experience the change that comes on those who make covenants with their God and Savior. How do those feelings get lost?

The verses that follow give some insight. Look at the questions it gives for self-reflection.

Have ye  walked, keeping yourselves blameless before God?

There is a need for regular repentance. Keeping oneself spotless from the world takes work. It takes a willingness to think eternally instead of temporally. Now, no one is perfect, but let’s face it, if we were we wouldn’t need the atonement anyway. That its one of the wonderful things I love about the sacrament. Each week we get to renew our covenants in our hearts.

“Could ye say,  if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that you have been sufficiently humble…”

Often, this is what keeps people from real repentance. We all like to be thought well of. It is hard admitting when we’ve failed. I recently had a friend that told me about a night that they blew it. This friend told me because they felt like a hypocrite not telling me. I was never more proud of my friend than when they came to me in humbleness and told me. This person also has the humility to take the appropriate steps and face the bishop. Despite the sin, I admire this person because they didn’t stay there. They didn’t try to hide it or make excuses for it. That is repentance. That is humility.

“…that your garments have been cleansed, made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to redeem His people from their sins?”

This is a big one.  Evangelicals often accuse Latter-day Saints (Mormons) of a works based righteousness. Nothing could be further from the truth.  We are made perfect through Christ by placing our faith and covenants with Him. Sometimes, though we lose that faith. Maybe we been disenchanted because of some perceived wrong in our lives. Maybe we feel our Savior is ignoring our needs. Maybe we put our faith in ourselves and forget the need for His sacrifice. We feel like a failure and forget about the beauty of repentance. We forget we can be made whole, because we’re so caught up in our sin.

“Behold are ye stripped of pride?”

I know someone who needs to be worshipped. He’d never call it that. He’d call it being a righteous example. But, he derives his sense of worth from being looked up to and admired. This has hindered his repentance at times. He has a hard time forming healthy relationships, because he has to be completely respected. When they don’t admire him, he accuses them of being prideful and sometimes worse things.

It matters to everyone what others think, so in some ways I understand the internal struggle this man must go through. However, this is one of the most destructive forms of pride. It robs you of honesty. It robs you of accountability. And worst of all it robs you of real repentance.

We sometimes cause this problem in others with judgment. I love how President Uchtdorf once said it. We shouldn’t judge others because they sin differently than us. When we do this we make it difficult for others to repent. They need to feel a sense of love and acceptance.  I’m not saying accept their sin. I’m saying accept that they are human and will struggle with things we don’t. Before we get too cocky, let’s remember we struggle with things they don’t too.

The next time you catch someone “blowing it” ask yourself how you would feel if someone saw you in the midst of failure. How would you want them to respond to you? Once you know, do that.

Be an example of righteousness and love people to repentance. Then, maybe, we can help the faltering saints gain the glow and joy of their salvation again. Then, maybe, their changes will be great ones.

Waiting on Repentance

This week I communicated with two extremely wounded women. Both have been hurt. One by someone outside of the church, the other by someone in the church. My advice to both of them was pretty much the same.

Their stories are private, but I can tell  you the first woman had a crime commit against her and the man got away with it.  She was angry. She was bitter. If God was good, why did he not only let this happen, but let the man get away with it? The second woman felt the same way. Someone in the church had taken advantage of her and as a result she lost her testimony. She too wondered where God was.

Both women are unhappy. Both have trouble forming relationships. They’ve put their lives on hold waiting for justice. This is a mistake. 

All of us have been hurt by people. Some of us have had real harm done to them. I understood how these women felt. There have been times in my life that I’ve wondered where God was. I have since learned that He was there all along. He sees the harm that others do and He weeps. These things aren’t forgotten. Even if  “justice” never happens during our earthly existence, it will come in our eternal existence.

But, that wasn’t the most important point that I wanted these women to understand. I wanted them to live. I wanted them to feel joy again. I wanted them to stop waiting for someone else’s repentance. It may never come.

I’m not callous to their feelings. I have wanted people to repent before. I desperately wanted a dishonest person, who brought great harm to me and my family, to finally tell the truth and stop hiding behind their charm and deceitful nature. For a while that paralyzed me.  How could I have joy when he continues the lies? How could I trust anyone ever again? I waited and waited, hoping for his repentance.

Then one day, while feeling particularly sad I asked myself “What if he never repents?” Which was looking very likely.  Would I want to live out the rest of my life sad and afraid to engage with others? Would I let him take my future from me too? No way.

It is foolish to deny yourself a fulfilled existence waiting on someone else’s repentance. A repentance that, in the majority of circumstances, will never come. That may be fine to say, but what is the solution? The solution is simple. Find joy.  Don’t live in the darkness. This world is full of good and beauty. It’s filled with people who have remarkable potential, but just need a little boost to help them recognize that. Be that boost. Bring them hope. When you live to bring love and beauty to others, you find joy.

Let me illustrate this with a science lesson I did with my youngest children.  Pure light has all the colors of the spectrum. The colors we see are the pieces of the spectrum that get reflected back to our eyes.  The color white is a reflection of all the colors bouncing back. The color black is all the colors absorbed leaving nothing but darkness.

We took two pieces of paper, one black and one white, as well as a magnifying glass into the sun.  We started with the white paper and aimed the magnifying glass so that a small concentrated circle from the sun shined on the paper. It took a LONG time for that paper to catch fire.  In fact, they got bored and I had to promise flames would come several times to keep them attentive. As promised, eventually the white paper caught fire.

Next, we did the same thing with the black paper. Almost instantaneously the black paper caught fire. Why? Because, instead of reflecting the light, it absorbed it along with all the heat light contains.

We can do the same thing with our lives.  We can either continue to internalize all our injuries, pulling the light away and leaving nothing but darkness, or we can reflect the light and beauty around us.  Not only will we be useful and bring hope to others, but we’ll find joy in our own lives too.

One other lesson from light. Notice, when you reflect light it is harder for you to be burned. But, when you just absorb it all you are consumed in flame rather quickly.

Don’t wait on someone else’s repentance. Live. Love. Enjoy.

A Sneak Peak…and a Rotten Excuse

I love the notes I get from you making sure I am still on the planet. I cherish the emails where you ask where I’ve been and tell me I’ve made a difference in your life. 

Here is the blunt truth. I. am. overwhelmed.

When you’re a single mom who works and homeschools, life isn’t easy.  Add to that Lyme disease treatments, which I am convinced are not only worse than the disease, but invented by Satan himself, and it gets hard to fit in things you love sometimes. I can’t remember the last time I played my violin….oh, I feel a tear coming…where is my tissue?

However, I have managed my life and regularly blogged before, so why haven’t I kept up?  It’s because I have been taking my spare moments to write a middle grade novel, as well as an inductive Scripture study.  The novel has been a life long dream for me. What better time to try to live your dreams than when you’re drowning?

Would you like a sneak peak at my book to see what I’ve been up to?  Please say yes.

And yes, my protagonist is a brainy boy.  What else could I write?  Well, here it is…..

THE GUARDIAN OF SUDNER

By Annmarie Worthington

Chapter One

Jaden Andreist sat at his lunch table for as long as he could get away with it, but no sudden illness had overtaken him. It was time for battle class. Reluctantly, he put his elements book away and made his way out the castle doors.

He’d been practicing for months with Klevi, one of the top battle students, in exchange for tutoring him in runes. A week ago he felt confident. He’d been sparring better than ever. He’d even beaten Klevi twice in their mock duels. But, today was different. Today was his duel, and the knots in his stomach gave him doubt.

The other boys in his class loved sparring. It was the best part of turning twelve. No longer were they trapped doing nothing but endless boring drills in battle training. Now they got to show off their skill going head to head in real duels, even if they were using dummy swords. For the other boys it was a dream come true. For Jaden, it felt more like a nightmare. He preferred books to battles. If you made a mistake with a book, no one died.

“Jaden, wait up!”

He looked behind him and saw his friend Brandon running, his wavy brown hair bouncing. Jaden laughed. If there were any girls around he was pretty sure they’d be sighing. The girls loved Brandon—and his hair. Jaden ran his hands through his own shaggy blond hair. He doubted the girls sighed when he walked by.

“I thought I was the last one to head to battle training,” Jaden said when he caught up.

“Well, I was busy getting lectured by my father about not taking school seriously enough. You’d think being one of the top battle students would be enough for him, but nooo, apparently I have to have your brains too.”

“What are you failing this year?”

“Runes, elements, and agriculture. Though my dad doesn’t care about the last one. He thinks because we’re nobles, we’ll always have people to do that for us.” Brandon rolled his eyes.

“You know I’ve offered to tutor you.”

“I’d let you, if I cared, but let’s face it, no matter what I do, it’s not going to be enough. At least not for him.”

By the time they reached the armory beside the practice field, most of the other boys were already suited up. A group of them were talking excitedly. A large boy in the back noticed Jaden walk in.

“I didn’t think you’d have the guts to show up today,” he said as he pushed through the crowd, his chainmail clinking. Most of the boys used the practice armor, but Berach outgrew those last year. His father had his specially made for him. He stood in front of Jaden.

“Couldn’t think of an excuse to stay with Daddy and avoid your beating in the sparring circle?”

“Shut it, Berach,” Brandon said stepping between them.

“Your body guard is not going to be in the sparing circle. Remember that Andreist.”

Berach pushed past them and went out to the field. The rest of the group followed. Jaden’s face grew warm as he grabbed some gear and a practice sword and started out the door.

Brandon grabbed his arm. “Don’t worry about that loser. You’ll do fine. He just does that because he can’t stand the fact that your dad’s more important than his.”

“Yeah, it’s great when your dad’s the national hero and you’re the flunky of battle class,” Jaden replied.

He had to win today.

Brandon draped an arm over his shoulder. “Oh, the joys of not meeting expectations.”

Sir Robert, their combat instructor, was already on the field barking orders to older boys heading out for an assignment. With rolls of fat on his stomach and a beefy neck, it would be easy to assume Sir Robert wouldn’t be much of a threat in a duel, but Jaden knew better. He’d heard his father’s tales about the last war.

“We’ll have a short drill today. We’ll be using the new parry we practiced yesterday,” Sir Robert barked once his youngest class lined up. “I want to see you blocking your opponents swing with perfect technique. If not, you’ll be drilling after class until your arms fall off. You’ve got fifteen minutes and then we’ll have our sparring demonstration.”

Jaden felt his stomach lurch.

“Partner up and go,” Sir Robert shouted.

Jaden grabbed Brandon. They took turns with their new technique, while Sir Robert walked around observing and correcting each pair.

Brandon brought his sword down overhand. Jaden blocked the strike with an upward stroke, turned around quickly to the side, flipped his sword, and slashed down on Brandon’s arm. A perfect execution! He looked around hoping Sir Robert had seen it, but he’d already moved onto another pair.

“All right everyone, swords down,” Sir Robert shouted over the din. “It’s time for our spar.”

Sweat dripped down Jaden’s face. He felt good about how well he had drilled. Maybe today would finally be his day. He stepped toward the center of the sparring circle to face Berach. The rest of the students stood just outside the boundaries, cheering for their favorite.

Jaden kept his head down and took deep, steady breaths. He could do this. The cheering stopped and students began mumbling excitedly. Jaden looked up. Through a gap in the circle, he saw his father and the king’s historian walking onto the field. Jaden’s heart began to pound even faster. Not today, he thought. Any day but today. He glanced at Brandon who looked at him with sympathy.

“Hello boys,” greeted his father smiling at everyone.

“Hello, sir,” they replied in unison.

Everyone stood a little straighter when Matthew Andreist was around, even Sir Robert. He should have known his father would find out today was his duel. He knew everything that went on in Sudner.

“Please continue what you were doing,” Matthew said. “Sir Drandurling and I just came here to enjoy watching Sudner’s military future.”

Slowly, the cheering began again, though now everyone seemed to be cheering for Jaden. Berach scowled, a look of angry determination on his face. Sir Robert stepped up.

“OK, each of you is to spar using free form. Berach, I want to see more swiftness in your turns. Jaden, show us you’re an Andreist. You’ve got the bloodline, act like it. At some point I want to see each of you using your new technique.” Both boys faced each other and bowed.

My Father Sent Me That….

I have been unable to blog for quite some time.  Life has been harried.  I’ve run from one task to another unable to find much time to rest.  On my “down time” I’ve worked on the manuscript for my novel to get it ready for an agent who was interested in seeing it. Yay!    I spent all day yesterday very sick on the couch, while a dear friend (Jennifer Schwartz)  stepped in and took care of me and my children.  I was supposed to be entertaining her, which shows what a lovely, humble woman she is to give up her pampering to serve.

I want to share something that has been on my heart.  Many of you know the trials I encountered when I decided to investigate the Mormon faith.  It caused quite a bit of hardship in my life.  What most don’t know is that much of life before that was challenging as well.  Occasionally, people will ask me questions about my life before Mormonism.

I was having a Sunday lunch with a family from church that were asking me some questions about my background.  I shared some things, but kept most to myself.  Mostly I shared the things in which I can find humor.  They replied by saying, “Your life has been so hard.”  I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.  I hadn’t even told them the “bad” things. But, to be quite transparent with you during that weekend I was really struggling. 

I was so very weary. I was tired of my schedule. I was tired of the struggles. I was tired of the myriad of challenges the Lord seems to send my way. Truthfully, I was pouting a little, but I didn’t want anyone to know it because I didn’t want to chance damaging someone’s  testimony. 

I came to sacrament that morning, very nervous about a meeting that was scheduled.  It actually took every ounce of courage I had to even go that morning.  It was not a meeting I was looking forward to, but the Spirit told me it was necessary.

During Sacrament, I had asked my Heavenly Father if I could have a little bit of a break after this.  He answered in a way I didn’t expect.

One of the speakers spoke about the atonement and the blessings we, as believers, receive because of the Savior’s sacrifice.  During his talk, he read a passage that pierced my heart.

“Behold I have given unto you my gospel, and this is the gospel which I have given unto you—that I came into the world to do the will of my Father, because my Father sent me.  And my Father sent me that I might be lifted up upon the cross…..” ~3 Nephi 27: 13-14a

I was complaining in my heart about my difficult life, feeling like maybe I was given the short end of the stick on this earthly journey. The Savior, however honored His Father’s call for Him without complaint. He gloried in the fact that He was glorifying His Father through His journey.

Look at the passage below:

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, UNLESS he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” ~Mosiah 3:19, emphasis added.

So why was Christ able to serve so humbly, while my heart grumbled?  Faith. Jesus, the Son of God, knew His Father better than I did. He trusted Him more. The problem lies with me.  I need to become as a child. I need to trust Him more.  This is something I’ve been striving toward for quite some time. It may be harder for me than most because I didn’t learn trust as a child. In fact, I had the opposite experience. My parents, though they loved me in their own way, were often too high to realize the neglect, among other things, that was going on. That doesn’t excuse me. I have a responsibility to respond properly and I have the Spirit to instruct me.  The only thing holding me back is me.

We all grow weary sometimes.  We all feel shortchanged.  If the Savior could bear His journey, we can bear ours. Plus, He had the added burden of bearing all our iniquities AND infirmities.  He carried everything everything I am carrying, while simultaneously bearing the rest of the world’s as well. What an example He is! He truly knows what we are enduring and He knows how to succor those in need.

When you are discouraged, look to Him. Remind yourself that you came He to do as your Father asked. In your pre-mortal existence you agreed to this testing.  If you’re like me,  you want to ace every test.  I consider a 99% a personal failure.  (Yeah, I know. I’m weird.)

But, what if you’re like me and trust is something that is very hard for you? Well, I can tell you what I am doing. This isn’t expert advice. This is just the musings of a pilgrim learning to pioneer herself.

I am completely dependent on my scriptures.  I love them. It feeds my spirit. Set up a systematic reading of your scriptures. Study them as if your life depends on it. Then spend time praying. Let Him know your fears about trusting. Finally, listen to the Spirit. Don’t ignore your promptings.  If you’re not sure how the Spirit speaks to you, ask Him to show you. Write down everything you think He is saying to you for three months, along with your responses and the results. By the end of that time period, you should have some idea of which voice is His.

To the people from my old church

I’ve had a series of unpleasant encounters with people from my former church.  I want to invite you to start a dialogue with me.  Instead of seeing me, rolling your eyes, and turning another direction, talk to me. Instead of assuming the things that were rumored are true, ask me.  Feel free to ask me about the doctrines you have been taught are heretical.  I’m happy to discuss any of them with you.  I’m not afraid of examining my beliefs and you shouldn’t be afraid of testing yours.  In fact, Thessalonians commands you to do so.  I’ve recently heard that you’ve been warned not to discuss doctrine with me.  If that is true, then they are asking you to violate scripture. Something I know you would never want to do. You are good people, who love God. I just think you’ve been misled on some things.  I’m happy to talk about any doctrine you want. 

The Purpose of Freedom of Religion

I was supposed to speak in sacrament this morning. It was a topic that I cherish so I was really looking forward to it. My body didn’t agree. I kept throwing up.  I got up six different times determined to go and each time my body betrayed me.  I was quite disappointed. To ease my own disappointment I will blog my talk.  The upside is I get to be more opinionated when not standing in the pulpit, so I get to say all the things I wanted to. Some things, though true, are not best shared during sacrament. I’ll also have to pare it down to fit in this format.

There are two types of Freedom of Religion: External and Internal.

External Freedom

Whenever we hear the phrase “Freedom of Religion”, most of us think of external freedoms, such as we have in this country. It is something we should be very grateful for and I am positive we take for granted. There are citizens of other countries who would give up all their worldly possessions to have that privilege.  I think of the Romeike family from Germany who fled their country for the right to raise their children according to their faith. I think of the many members of underground churches in China. What they wouldn’t give for our rights! 

The freedom to worship according to the dictates of our conscience came at a high price. Many people gave their lives for this privilege. They gave their lives in the years following the Savior’s resurrection. On this soil, they gave their lives both during the revolutionary war and the years following the restoration of the gospel given to Joseph Smith. It is worth suffering for.

And to be quite frank, the current administration has been very strategic in their undermining that freedom. If we don’t wake up and start paying attention we may find ourselves one day wondering what happened to our freedoms. That however, is a topic for another post.

Internal Freedom

There is a second type of religious freedom, which is what I’d like to focus on: Internal freedom, also called agency.

In the book Gospel Doctrine  Joseph F. Smith says, “There are no freer people upon the face of the earth today than the Latter-day Saints.” Those who don’t know our culture and bylaws won’t understand just how true that statement is.

We are free to be good Latter-day Saints or bad ones. We’re even free to stop being Latter-day Saints altogether. If we chose we could write the bishop and ask him to remove us from the rolls of the church and he would oblige us, simple as that. There are no nasty consequences for not being a member (in the physical world). Even when someone commits a grievous sin and must be excommunicated, they are still welcome to services and homes. They are still loved and treated as a friend. And, when they are ready to return, they are welcomed back with open arms as if nothing had ever happened. The gospel calls that agency.

Those who have grown up as Latter day Saints won’t necessarily realize what a blessing that is. You may not even realize that not all churches have such a loving culture. In some faiths, the doctrine of the sovereignty of God overrules any agency of man. The cornerstone of those churches is submission. The membership is putting themselves not only under the leadership of the pastors and elders, but the rule of them as well. I belonged to such a church before I became a Latter day Saint. Early in my membership there, we had gotten a new pastor. Once his leadership started it was decided that all new members had to sign a form saying that they were submitting to the decisions of the elder board in order to complete their membership.

If a Mormon bishopric even considered producing such a form, they’d probably be released before the ink had time to dry. Coming from that type of church background, I had a little trouble adjusting to the mindset most Latter-day Saints held. Submission had been held up as the standard of righteousness for so long, that independence and agency took some time for me. Wives were to submit to husbands, children to parents, women to men, members to elders. It was a simple process of just do what you’re told.

Now, suddenly, as a Latter day Saint, I had to make all the decisions for myself and I found it challenging.  My children however, took to it like fish to water. Once they learned about agency, our whole family dynamic changed. In their young minds it meant total freedom. They no longer had to do anything. If I tried to ground them they would say, “Isn’t this taking away our agency?” They weren’t being disrespectful, they were trying to figure out what agency meant.

It took a while to get them to understand what agency really did mean. In the meantime, I had to remind them that though they had the agency to decide their actions, they would not get to choose the consequences of those actions. Should they decide, in their agency, not to do their schoolwork, I would fail them.  So, with their agency, they needed to learn wisdom in carrying  it out.

Wisdom is the key to any freedom. Like the Israelites, The Lord sets before us the freedom to choose between blessings and cursings. Take the time to read Deuteronomy 28 sometime. This is the type of choice set before us as well. 

Using Our Freedom

We have the freedom choose how to live our lives. We’ve been doubly blessed with the external freedom to make it easier to bring to pass.  Now ask yourself how do you use that freedom.

Do you invest it in things of eternal value, or do you waste in on pleasure seeking?

Do you choose to keep your covenants, or to tread them under your feet?

Do you know your hobbies or your Scriptures better?

With both freedom of religion and freedom of speech how many of your friends and neighbors have you shared the gospel with?

We can fill our lives with the blessings that come from living the gospel, or we can waste it and toss those blessings away.

What will you do with your freedom?

Some Problems with Common Core:

Almost all 50 states have adopted the national Common Core standards.

I don’t have much time today, but wanted to give you two resources to watch and think about.

After watching the video below think about some of the following. Though there is nothing wrong with learning to use powerful words, these children are being taught to engage negative emotions in order to manipulate. They’re also being taught to lose empathy. For instance, in the workbook were the following questions:

My mother always_________me to clean my room.

Their choices were tells  and nags.  The only correct answer was nags.

Whenever I go to Max’s house, his little sister is very ______________.

Their choices were curious and nosey.  The only correct answer was nosey.

Now, there wasn’t a literary passage where they were drawing the information from. They were simply asked to choose the more emotional word. The point of the lesson was to teach them to cause anger by their words to promote a political change. 

First grade curriculum

Also ask yourself why teachers would EVER be asked to evaluate that a child’s behavior has changed to align itself with the common core instruction, let alone evaluate that on a yearly basis.

Next, watch the video below by a mental health therapist on the danger of implementing common core curriculum on our children.  Listen especially to the deletion of empathy in children.

OK, for some reason it will not allow me to embed this video. However the following link does work.  Mental Health Video.

I think we need to have a healthy discussion about these issues before forcing them onto our children.

Getting Your Children to Talk to You

 

Generally I blog about what I’ve been learning in Scripture. You may wonder if my recent lack of blogging has meant I haven’t been reading my Scriptures. The answer, thankfully, is no. The reason I haven’t been blogging is three-fold.

First, my scripture study has revolved around the inductive scripture study I’ve been writing. I have a great test group that has been going through that with me. To be fair to them, I didn’t want to post any of its contents until my test group was completed. Secondly, my time has also been taken up by completing my first novel.  Though it is completed, I’m still doing some revising and am in the process of shopping it to literary agents. Thirdly, I have been very ill.  I’m being treated for a bacterial infection in which the treatments make you even more sick.  Given the fact that I have to work full-time and I have four children to raise and homeschool, an illness makes my schedule almost unbearable.  Blogging is the first thing to go in that case.

However, I’ve been getting many emails of concern from my readers. I didn’t even know I had so many readers.  I apologize. Had I realized, I would have been more conscientious with my blog. So, I will make a commitment to make this more of a priority. Until my inductive study is ready for print I will blog about parenting and women’s issues. Some of my opinions on women’s issues may be a little controversial, but I’ll be completely honest regardless.  Today, I want to focus on developing a good relationship with your teenagers. Don’t tune out if your children are young, because it starts when they are toddlers.

We all want our children to talk to us. It becomes even more important as they grow into their teen years. We want them to share about the details of their lives. From the mundane…What kind of movies do you want to see? To the serious….What is going on in their personal relationships? Do they have anything they need someone to talk to about? How do they feel about a mission or life direction?

We all know that teenagers tend to get less communicative right at the point in their lives when they need an adult’s direction more than ever. So, how do you keep the lines of communication open? The first, and most important thing is to start the line early. Be in a habit of really talking to your children from the time they can first begin speaking.  If you want your children to share the things that are important to you, then you must show them that you care about what is important to them. That starts when they are a toddler. If you just pretend to listen to their “important” babble, they will quickly learn that what they share is not important to you.

When my oldest child was a toddler, he would spend an hour telling me about his play date with his imaginary friend. That kind of talk is important for two reasons. First, it is important to him. That alone makes it worth my time. Secondly, I learned a lot about how my delightful son thinks. I learned about the things he values. I learned what he considered good and bad. That is indispensible information.

As he got older, the things that were important to him changed. In his elementary school years, he really got into Bionicles and Lord of the Rings. I knew Lord of the Rings well, so that gave us many great conversations. My Bionicle lore was much less solid. He would instruct and quiz me on their elemental powers.  I was horrible at his quizzes, but he loved that I tried.

When he hit his teen years, our life had changed. I was now having to work full-time in addition to homeschooling them and caring for the house. It left me little time for anything purely for fun. About that time he began to get interested in a complicated card game called Magic: The Gathering.  It takes ages to play and even longer to learn.  When Dillon mentioned that he wanted me to learn the game, I was discouraged. How could I find the time? When he mentioned it a second time a few days later, I knew it was very important to him. So, I made the time to learn. We had so much fun that first game. We laughed together a lot. He told me, “I knew you’d be good at this game.”  We have a standing date to play it every Sunday, which is the only day I am not working non-stop.

Those times have made for some of our best and most open conversations. We talk about his girlfriend. We talk about his frustration with some adults in another ward that were spreading a false rumor about him. We talk about what frustrates him with his sisters. We talk about his future.  We talk about his joys. Would he have been as open if I didn’t make sacrifices to join in on what he values? I don’t know. But, if I wasn’t willing to spend time in his enjoyments, why should he open up?

There are times that teens need someone else to talk to aside from parents. It is good if we realize that and not feel threatened. I loved when Dillon wrote the young men’s president in our ward. He wrote to him about the adults that were spreading rumors about him. He asked his advice on handling it. I was grateful my son had someone to go to. I was also grateful my son told me he had written him and why.

Does my teenage boy tell me everything? I sincerely doubt it.  I’m sure there are many things he doesn’t tell me. I’d be a fool to think otherwise. All I can do is trust that my son has enough faith in me and my love for him that he will come to me about the things he thinks are really important.

I firmly believe that that trust starts when they are young and what is important to them seems childish to us. 

What do you do if you’ve not had a good relationship with your child and they are already in their teenage years? I believe God can heal any relationship. It will take work and brutal honesty.

Go to your teenager. Plan a nice meal for just the two of you. Tell them your regrets and failures. Tell them you want to start over and develop a relationship with them. Then, pray, pray, pray.  Make sure you are intentionally spending time on the things that are important to them, even if it is something you have no interest in whatsoever. Talk to them about your days also. Be vulnerable. When your children see and believe that, they will begin to talk to you as well.

Do You Know Your God?

They were the elite—the leaders. All men came to them for spiritual guidance. They were the shepherds of Israel. Yet, they crucified their Messiah.

I’ve heard the word heresy many times. You get used to hearing it when you are a Mormon who is open about your faith. The Savior heard it too. Over and over again they maligned the very One whose arrival they regularly prayed for and taught about.  How could they have been so wrong? I believe it is because they stopped listening to their scriptures. Instead they imposed their own desires into its meaning.

I remember one Sunday afternoon at a choir rehearsal in the church of my previous faith. We were singing a song about this very topic of the rejection of the Messiah. I don’t remember all the words because I got excommunicated before that season was over, but the chorus started out like this…. “Oh! What Blasphemy!”

I remember leaning over to my friend Jennifer and saying, “Sometimes I worry this is us.” For some time I couldn’t shake the feeling that we had made God into our own image instead of the other way around. I felt we weren’t in line with what was true. At the time I wasn’t convinced Latter-day Saints were either, but I didn’t feel settled.

How easy it is to assume in our arrogance that we are right. That we’ve interpreted things correctly. That is one of the many reasons I am so grateful for the indwelling presence of the Spirit. As I grow in my faith. I have learned more and more how to hear the Spirit. To know what is true and what isn’t.

But, our Father in Heaven has provided us with the perfect tool to go along with the Spirit. We can know  our God  intimately. His likes. His dislikes. His desires. His love. His wrath. All of Him. The Spirit imparts that knowledge to us, working deeply in our hearts through Scripture.

Every time you pick up your scriptures and really  study them, with a willingness to obey, you are getting to know your God. In fact, when you read it with humility and a passion to serve, the process literally changes you. I can’t explain how that works, I just know it does.

I have many passions in my life. I love mathematics and science. I love music, especially piano and violin. I love the written word. I love pretty things.  I see God in all of them. I feel his presence in quantum mechanics. I love the order I find in mathematics. I am moved by the Spirit in music. None of those passions ( some may call them obsessions) speak to me so piercingly as Scripture.

I hope as you go about your Sabbath today, you take some time to personally get to know your God. But make sure you’re listening to the scriptures and not just imposing what you want them to say into your interpretation. What’s the point in getting to know a fake God? Let’s make sure we’re acquainting ourselves with the real one.

Let Your Light Shine

In October of 1938 Germany issued an order that all Polish Jews were to be deported back to Germany within 48 hours. They were arrested, taken without being allowed any of their possessions, and shipped in trains and lorries, as well as on foot. Many elderly and infirmed did not survive the transport. The living conditions these precious people, without home or finances, endured was worse than would be afforded to animals.

Did the world respond with outrage and disgust at this? No. The apathy of the world during this horrific plight of the Jews, as well as during much of the holocaust, is something that still fills my heart with cold fear. Humans can be so inhumane.

What grabbed American headlines at this time? The panic that ensued after H.G. Wells radio broadcast of War of the Worlds.  Though Mr. Wells introduced the program as a radio dramatization of his book, most radio listeners were tuned in to a ventriloquist on NBC and had not turned on CBS until after the program was underway. Thinking the world was really under attack by Martians, panic ensued. Many jammed the highways trying to escape. People ran through the streets screaming about the end of the world. Electric companies even were reported to have cut power so the Martians couldn’t see their cities. Once Mr. Wells learned what was happening, he stopped the dramatization and reminded people that it was fiction.

Everyone was talking about the response from his radio broadcast. No one cared what was happening to tens of thousands of Jews, even after there was obvious need for humanitarian intervention. Why should we have to deal with the problems of others?

What I find interesting is that while the Americans were panicked about an imaginary attack from Martians they were completely oblivious to the real forces of darkness that were now at work around them. I’m not just talking about Nazi sympathizers either. Satan was alive and well in the 1930s (as he is today). Their world was growing darker. There were “prophets” calling out warning, such as Winston Churchill, but the British as well as the Americans were not interested in his doomsday politics.

I see the same thing today. Our headlines, as well as our citizenship, are outraged and caught up in the wrong things. We don’t see the dark veil of unrighteousness descending on our nation. We don’t pay attention to the signs that show a government ingeniously subverting and removing not only all godliness, but the rights of its citizens. We are not about to be woken from our apathy until, like the Americans in the 30s and 40s, we are personally assaulted. Why do we only care about what currently affects us?  What kind of world are we leaving for our children?

These are the thoughts that have been plaguing me. This weekend I found my first glimmer of hope. While attending a special stake conference, we were given the privilege of hearing from Elder David A. Bednar. He said we should not be frantic with worry when the world around us seems to be getting darker. That only means that our light will shine brighter.

Bear in mind, that sometimes when you shine a light in the dark people complain. They yell for you to turn it out. But, the world needs light now more than ever. What legacy do we want to leave for our children. Do we want to be known as a Neville Chamberlain who is famous for his policies of appeasement toward Hitler’s demands, or a bulldog like Winston Churchill who called for facing the giant and killing him?  Frankly, if we’d listened to Churchill in the beginning there never would have been a major Holocaust or a World War 2. If we would have stood up to Hitler the moment he broke the Treaty of Versailles, the malicious dictator would not have had a defensive leg to stand on.

It is always easier to fight an enemy before its power increases. It is imperative we let our lights shine now, while we can still hold back the growing tide of darkness. Do something to take a stand against the unrighteous and dangerous trends we are seeing swirl before our frightened eyes. It will be a whole lot easier to hold displace the dark when there are lots of lights shining.