My Father Sent Me That….

I have been unable to blog for quite some time.  Life has been harried.  I’ve run from one task to another unable to find much time to rest.  On my “down time” I’ve worked on the manuscript for my novel to get it ready for an agent who was interested in seeing it. Yay!    I spent all day yesterday very sick on the couch, while a dear friend (Jennifer Schwartz)  stepped in and took care of me and my children.  I was supposed to be entertaining her, which shows what a lovely, humble woman she is to give up her pampering to serve.

I want to share something that has been on my heart.  Many of you know the trials I encountered when I decided to investigate the Mormon faith.  It caused quite a bit of hardship in my life.  What most don’t know is that much of life before that was challenging as well.  Occasionally, people will ask me questions about my life before Mormonism.

I was having a Sunday lunch with a family from church that were asking me some questions about my background.  I shared some things, but kept most to myself.  Mostly I shared the things in which I can find humor.  They replied by saying, “Your life has been so hard.”  I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.  I hadn’t even told them the “bad” things. But, to be quite transparent with you during that weekend I was really struggling. 

I was so very weary. I was tired of my schedule. I was tired of the struggles. I was tired of the myriad of challenges the Lord seems to send my way. Truthfully, I was pouting a little, but I didn’t want anyone to know it because I didn’t want to chance damaging someone’s  testimony. 

I came to sacrament that morning, very nervous about a meeting that was scheduled.  It actually took every ounce of courage I had to even go that morning.  It was not a meeting I was looking forward to, but the Spirit told me it was necessary.

During Sacrament, I had asked my Heavenly Father if I could have a little bit of a break after this.  He answered in a way I didn’t expect.

One of the speakers spoke about the atonement and the blessings we, as believers, receive because of the Savior’s sacrifice.  During his talk, he read a passage that pierced my heart.

“Behold I have given unto you my gospel, and this is the gospel which I have given unto you—that I came into the world to do the will of my Father, because my Father sent me.  And my Father sent me that I might be lifted up upon the cross…..” ~3 Nephi 27: 13-14a

I was complaining in my heart about my difficult life, feeling like maybe I was given the short end of the stick on this earthly journey. The Savior, however honored His Father’s call for Him without complaint. He gloried in the fact that He was glorifying His Father through His journey.

Look at the passage below:

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, UNLESS he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” ~Mosiah 3:19, emphasis added.

So why was Christ able to serve so humbly, while my heart grumbled?  Faith. Jesus, the Son of God, knew His Father better than I did. He trusted Him more. The problem lies with me.  I need to become as a child. I need to trust Him more.  This is something I’ve been striving toward for quite some time. It may be harder for me than most because I didn’t learn trust as a child. In fact, I had the opposite experience. My parents, though they loved me in their own way, were often too high to realize the neglect, among other things, that was going on. That doesn’t excuse me. I have a responsibility to respond properly and I have the Spirit to instruct me.  The only thing holding me back is me.

We all grow weary sometimes.  We all feel shortchanged.  If the Savior could bear His journey, we can bear ours. Plus, He had the added burden of bearing all our iniquities AND infirmities.  He carried everything everything I am carrying, while simultaneously bearing the rest of the world’s as well. What an example He is! He truly knows what we are enduring and He knows how to succor those in need.

When you are discouraged, look to Him. Remind yourself that you came He to do as your Father asked. In your pre-mortal existence you agreed to this testing.  If you’re like me,  you want to ace every test.  I consider a 99% a personal failure.  (Yeah, I know. I’m weird.)

But, what if you’re like me and trust is something that is very hard for you? Well, I can tell you what I am doing. This isn’t expert advice. This is just the musings of a pilgrim learning to pioneer herself.

I am completely dependent on my scriptures.  I love them. It feeds my spirit. Set up a systematic reading of your scriptures. Study them as if your life depends on it. Then spend time praying. Let Him know your fears about trusting. Finally, listen to the Spirit. Don’t ignore your promptings.  If you’re not sure how the Spirit speaks to you, ask Him to show you. Write down everything you think He is saying to you for three months, along with your responses and the results. By the end of that time period, you should have some idea of which voice is His.

To the people from my old church

I’ve had a series of unpleasant encounters with people from my former church.  I want to invite you to start a dialogue with me.  Instead of seeing me, rolling your eyes, and turning another direction, talk to me. Instead of assuming the things that were rumored are true, ask me.  Feel free to ask me about the doctrines you have been taught are heretical.  I’m happy to discuss any of them with you.  I’m not afraid of examining my beliefs and you shouldn’t be afraid of testing yours.  In fact, Thessalonians commands you to do so.  I’ve recently heard that you’ve been warned not to discuss doctrine with me.  If that is true, then they are asking you to violate scripture. Something I know you would never want to do. You are good people, who love God. I just think you’ve been misled on some things.  I’m happy to talk about any doctrine you want. 

Yielded Up Their Bodies

I am sitting on my bed with fresh clean sheets. I love clean sheets. My wonderful children are at their dad’s house, which means I will have this entire bed to myself tonight. Though, I don’t feel like sleeping. I’ve been in a lot of pain today, but I took a TON of my painkillers and I was able to not only function, but get some really important things done.  I just couldn’t bear wasting an alone day. I can’t take that many painkillers two days in a row, so I’m determined to get as much done today as possible, because tomorrow I am probably going to feel like dying. Life with Lyme….it’s better than no life at all.

I wanted to share something I recently taught the children during our family scripture time. I’m taking the children through the book of Daniel. Yes, again. I really treasure that book. I always wanted to name one of my boys Daniel, but kept naming them after people we cared about that didn’t have children of their own. If I’m ever blessed enough to remarry and have another child, the boy will be Daniel!

The passage I want to write about is in chapter three, so I’ll need to do a quick overview of the first two chapters to put it in context. Maybe I’ll get to do some real posts about the first two chapters, because there is so much rich application in them. For now, here’s the speed version.

Chapter One

The year is around 605 BC. (give or take a year). Israel had been quite naughty for some time. God had patiently and, at times, sternly warned them through many prophets. If they didn’t repent, He would send the Babylonians to discipline them. The Babylonians—a fierce nation, whose very name caused other lands to tremble. Nebuchadnezzar, their king, was a ruthless man. He loved ripping people to pieces, sometimes literally. One of his punishments was to pull two trees into a bent position, tie one of the prisoner’s limbs to each tree and then cut the tension ropes, allowing the trees to snap back into their position, while ripping the prisoner’s body in half. Nice man.

You’d think knowing the Babylonian reputation the people would heed the prophets and repent, but there were also false prophets who kept reassuring the Israelis that there would be peace and the other prophets were just hate-mongers. Persecution of true prophets was rampant. Sound familiar?

Well, the word of God was fulfilled and Babylon came and besieged Israel in three stages. In the first stage Daniel was taken captive to serve in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court along with three of his friends: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. They are more commonly known by the names Nebuchadnezzar gave them: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. Daniel was about 14 or 15 years old at the time of his capture. The young men underwent three years of training and indoctrination and then were placed in the king’s service.

Chapter Two

Nebuchadnezzar (called Nebby at our house) had a dream that worried him. He wanted his wise men to interpret the dream for him, but he was sure they would just make up an interpretation to appease him. To avoid that problem, Nebby decided to make the wise men tell him what his dream was before they interpreted it, that way he could know they really had the power to help him. The wise men were flabbergasted. No king had ever required that before. It was downright impossible to do. Well, Nebby wasn’t too happy with that answer, so he sentenced all his servants to death.

Daniel, however, had a plan.  He sought favor from God to know the dream and its interpretation, which God granted him. Then he was hurriedly brought before the King. In humility and with great courage he told Nebuchadnezzar that no man is able to do what the King has requested, but there is a God in Heaven that speaks to men and He has let Daniel know the dream and its interpretation.

Basically there was a statue whose head was made of gold, its breast and arms of silver, its belly and thighs of brass, its legs of iron, and its feet was made partly of iron and partly of clay. Each of the parts of the statue represented a different kingdom. Nebuchadnezzar (representing the Babylonian Kingdom) was the head of gold. After him would come other kingdoms. But, then there was a stone. Oh! This stone is so important, I wish I could spend a post just on it! It was cut without hands and destroyed the statue in one fell swoop, then set up a kingdom that would last for eternity. God gave Nebuchadnezzar the dream to give him a glimpse of the future.

Our destination

Now we’ve arrived to the part I’ve been pondering. In chapter three Nebby builds a huge statue. This one, however, doesn’t just have a head of gold. The entire 90 ft. statue is made of gold from head to toe. It is as if Nebuchadnezzar was standing with his fist to the heaven’s saying, “My kingdom will NOT end no matter what you say.” Just to add more unrighteousness to his folly, he required everyone to bow down and worship the statue when they hear music play. The penalty for refusing is death.

Most of us know how this story goes. Daniel’s three friends (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego) were at the dedication of the statue. However, when the music played they refused to bow. Jealous co-workers reported them to the king. Now is when it really gets interesting. Nebuchadnezzar decided to give them a rare second chance. He said they would play the music again. If they bowed great. If they didn’t… “ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning fiery furnace; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” Daniel 3:15b

These three amazing young men didn’t even blink. Here is their response to the King:

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O King. But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” vs. 15-18

The King was beyond angry. The scriptures tell us that even his visage contorted with rage. He ordered the furnace heated seven times greater than normal and had the three young men bound and tossed into the flames. The intensity of the heat was so powerful that the soldiers ordered to carry them to the furnace perished.

Instantly, Nebuchadnezzar was on his feet in astonishment. He saw was four men walking freely in the furnace. He called them to come out of the furnace. The King and his court were amazed. Not only were the men unharmed by the flames, but neither their hair nor clothing was singed. They didn’t even have the smell of fire on them.

Here is part of the King’s response:

“Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, who hath sent His angel, and delivered His servants that trusted in Him, and have changed the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God. Therefore I make a decree, that every people, nation, and language, which speak any thing amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, shall be cut in pieces…”

When these young men committed their lives to serving God, they did not insert qualifiers. They belonged to God, body and soul. Whatever He did with them was up to Him. We are called to make that same commitment, and like these blessed Israelites we are to yield up our bodies as well. How do we do that?

It’s not just the BIG things like sacrificing our lives for the gospel. First, it is simply obeying the things we already know to do. Keep our baptismal covenants. How that is lived out daily is different for each of us. I had to give up a lot to get baptized. The life I am left with is aging me much more quickly than I would have if I had remained at my old church. I’m plain tired and worn out, but I don’t regret it for one moment. Beauty means less to me than righteousness.

Yielding our bodies also means how we fulfill our desires. Do we keep the law of chastity? I’m 43 years old and single. I am not and will not be in a sexual relationship with a man until I am married. Is that always easy? Not really. I often get offers for “entertainment” at one of my jobs. Men invite me out. But, they are not the type of men I would spend an eternity with, so I decline. Periodically, someone tells me I should go out with them just to have some fun. You know, live a little.  It doesn’t have to be serious- they say. I think that is a stupid idea. What kind of fun can I really have with them? Men of that type are not going to be content with dinner and conversation. That is all I have to offer.

Yielding our bodies also means doing our best at every responsibility God has called us to. My primary responsibility is to be my children’s mother. I’m in the unenviable position of having to be father also, but mother is my first role. I take it very seriously. Don’t survive your parenting. Be purposeful in it. Make sure you can give a righteous account of the stewardship you were offered of your children. I have other responsibilities too. I’m an employee, which means I am to do my job with excellence and integrity. I also have a home to run. I want to do it in a way which honors and reflects well upon the glory of my Father in heaven.

I want you to reflect upon what yielding up your body means for you in the life God has called you to. Are you doing it well? Are there areas you want to improve? Maybe there is an area that needs to change all together.

In a later chapter of Daniel, he is promoted to second in command of the kingdom. Jealous men tried to find an area of neglect and couldn’t. Daniel fulfilled EVERY responsibility with diligence and excellence. I wish I could say there are no areas of neglect in my life. Just one look at my laundry basket will tell you there is. However, I am striving toward excellence. Hopefully, as I learn to yield more and more, I will give glory to Him in everything I do. Even if I never quite make it in this lifetime, it is a worthy goal in which to pour out my life.

Getting to Teach

Wow! I’ve got so much that has happened this week I don’t even know where to start. So, I’m just going to list out a few things.

Item One:

First, I do NOT have liver cancer. It was such a complete relief to eliminate the worst case scenario first. We don’t know what is wrong with me, but we’ll find out. I so grateful that I do not have to go through cancer treatments again. Though I had a blessing that promised I would survive, I was worried about going through that as a single mom. I still remember how hard it was when I was married and had cancer. At that time I only had one child. Now I’d be alone, no help, and 4 children. Thankfully that wasn’t my lot. My doctor is setting up an appointment with a specialist, so we’re looking at other possibilities. I’m not worried in the least. I feel really confident about things.

Item Two:

We start our school year tomorrow. I’m so excited. You would think someone whose schedule is so challenging would be dreading the start of our school year, but on the contrary I’m thrilled. I get so much joy out of teaching my children. I’m looking forward to this year’s subjects as well. I’ve decided for the children to do creative writing three days a week and essay writing the other two. By the end of the year my two oldest children will have written a short adventure novel. Not only that, but Dillon starts rhetoric and Rachel starts logic. It opens up a new world for them. Plus, Dillon gets to take Physics and Calculus. We’re finally getting to some challenging work. I’ve been looking forward to this since Dillon was in Kindergarten.

Item Three:

I’ve begun having some gospel discussions with my youngest. Although, he overhears the discussions with the other children, for the most part they are completely over his head. Now he’s old enough to begin teaching. How it began is actually kind of funny. I was telling Dillon about the horrific terrorism that took place in Oslo this weekend. When I told him about the youth camp I didn’t realize Neil had been listening. He walked up to me and asked how many lives they had left. At first I was confused, but then I realized the only exposure he has had to “death” is playing games on the wii. First, I had to explain to him that in real life you only get one life on earth, but that we get to live with Heavenly father forever after we die. He didn’t understand why we only get one life, but asked really good questions. It was fun trying to come up with ways to put the answers on his level.

Item Four:

Technically this is part of three. I’ve been trying to come up with ways to help my children understand why we live out our covenants if the Savior has already paid for our atonement. They weren’t violating their covenants in any way, nor do they have a desire to. I just wanted to make sure they understood the vast importance of our earthly existence. Someone emailed me a BYU devotional that covered the topic perfectly. It is called His Grace is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox. You can download it for free on the link I’ve provided if you’re interested. I really recommend reading it. Then this morning in Relief Society my friend Deanna was teaching. She read a quote that I want to teach my children. “We live to die and die to live,” I can’t wait to discuss it with them. First we’re going to watch a video of a general conference talk by President Packer that I think is perfect for pioneer day. It is called The Test.

Well there are so many more things to write about, but they will have to wait until I have more time. Enjoy your pioneer day!