The Best Big Brother

I read the most encouraging verse last night. I have been struggling with quite a few emotions over the last couple of weeks. I’ve run into some people from my old church, and though one of them was polite, many have been….I guess the closest word I can come up with is “frustrating”.  Compound that with the multitude of nasty rumors I’ve heard recently and I had kind of had it. The funniest one was to hear that I was married to a man that I had left my husband for. Apparently the whole Mormon thing was just a cover. Oh..and my new husband is quite wealthy so the children and I have a very posh life right now.  People puzzle me.

So, I was dealing with that, as well as other liars, which left me feeling quite alone. I have no way of correcting the lies, which is quite a helpless feeling, actually, especially when you feel alone. I don’t really have many close friends yet. Starting over isn’t easy, especially when you’re not just starting over socially, but fiscally and theologically as well.  Developing real friendships is hard, mostly because  it takes a lot of time and I’m a little short on that commodity. Plus, I’m more hesitant to trust than I used to be.  I’ll always have my dear friend Vicki, whom I treasure and feel certain I can trust, but we live a distance apart.

Last night I was exhausted. I was trying to get ready for my daughter’s birthday party (cake, crafts, house cleaning, etc.), I had to work, people kept needing things, children were fighting, and I could literally feel myself falling behind. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with the tasks before me I get lonely. I decided my best course of action was to take some extra time to read more Scriptures. I was so glad I did. I came across this passage:

“But behold, verily, verily, I say unto you that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst…..” D & C 38:7

I had the most overwhelming feeling of love, and the sudden feeling that the Savior was right beside me. Not only that, but He was letting me know that He knew what I was going through. It gave me the impression that He knows and understands what I’m feeling. I’m not really alone. It was a remarkable feeling. I’ve often felt like the Savior was aware of me and my circumstances, and that He had compassion. Last night, however, I felt like he was literally beside me. It is not a feeling I will easily forget.

We really are a blessed people. Not only do we have a Heavenly Father who loves us enough to give His only begotten Son for our atonement, but that Son (our brother) comes alongside us even after His remarkable sacrifice, to be a support.

I knew girls growing up who had really great brothers. Brothers who loved them and looked after them. Brothers who enjoyed them and liked spending time with them. They were companion and protector simultaneously.  I was jealous of those girls. Now I realize I am one of them.  And so are you.

Our Brother and Savior knows us. He is in our midst. What a precious gift! To me, one of the best parts is that He is an honest Brother and Friend. He won’t tell us what we want to hear for personal gain, or to get something out of us. He tells us the truth. If we need and deserve encouragement, He’ll give it. But, if we need correcting He does that too. It’s not hard accepting His criticism, because we know it is done in real love. He has the right to correct.

I don’t know how I can feel discouraged with knowledge of such a Friend. I am truly blessed. Even as I type this, I realize in reality I will still have days I don’t remember this at all and get discouraged again. Hopefully typing it out will help solidify it in my mind. We’ll see. At least for now I remember I have a Savior who is the best big brother one could ever hope for.

Vicki

 

“A friend loveth at all times”

Me and Vicki at Copelands after my baptism.

 

I have trust issues.  I’ve known that for a while. It is hard for me to trust people. It gets harder the older I get. Part of the problem is I am a black and white personality. It takes a lot to get me to let my guard down, but when I do, I trust someone completely. Then I realize that was a mistake. However, there has been one friend who has always been there for me.  Vicki. 

I can count on Vicki no matter what. She’s there when I’m hurting, she’s there when I’m confused, she’s there when I’m lonely, she’s there when I’m happy. I keep waiting for the day that she gets tired of being there, but she never seems to. She keeps coming back.  I love that woman. She’s my one steady rock. I love a lot about her. 

She tries hard to live righteously. I love her tender conscience. She really cares for people’s spiritual well being. Everyone’s, even people she is not fond of.  She has also helped me make some pretty hard decisions, and then stood by and loved me after I made the tough choices.

Last night she did some very special things for me.

First, she drove all the way in to Little Rock to take me to dinner. I really needed a night out. She treated me to this ghastly expensive restaurant, then went Christmas shopping with me. Vicki prefers to shop online, so that was a real sacrifice.  On the drive home she gave me a Hershey’s chocolate bar. Only those who know my true chocolate addiction can know how much that bar meant to me. I haven’t had money for chocolate lately, so that was wonderful.

You would think that would be enough, but she did even more. She has spent weeks putting together a 72 hour kit for my family. She packed everything in this gigantic tote, with a list, and told me to keep it in my van. That way we’d have it no matter when the emergency occurs. I was blown away. I’ve been trying to get emergency supplies together ever since I heard the prophets speak of its importance, but when you can’t afford daily necessities, contingency items seem impossible.

When we returned, she helped make my eyebrows more shapely and then we just talked. I can talk to her for hours, because I feel I can truly trust her. I hope we’re always friends, because she knows all my embarrassing stories.

But, the thing about Vicki I treasure most is not what she does for me. It is the fact that I want to be the kind of friend she is.  I want to be there to love and support others. She is the most blessed example of charity and service I know. That is the best kind of friend to have.  The kind you want to be like.