Meridian published part one of the series on my conversion on Friday. There were many gracious comments. All of which I hope to live up to.
It seems like the word faith is always before me. I always feel guilty when people call me a woman of great faith. They don’t see my fears and my tears. Would they still think that if they saw me crying on my bed, simply because I am exhausted and scared? Would they still think that if they saw me wither at the thought of another battle with my ex-husband?
I think about faith a lot. It seems so many blessings, for both us and those we love, are contingent on faith. Even during the prayer circle at the temple, there was mention of our faith helping those on the prayer roll. Inwardly I pleaded with God to help me have the faith they needed.
You can’t get very far in the Scriptures without reading of its importance. Just this morning I read in 3 Nephi, where the Savior said, “I see that your faith is sufficient that I may heal you.” I hope mine is too.
There are some needs in my and the children’s lives that require miracles. Sometimes I think I hold them back with my fear. Fear and faith cannot co-exist. Other times I work really hard at faith, only to hear the words in my head, “Miracles are for important people. Those who are called to play a vital part in church history.”
But, that is not true. The thought occurred to me this morning- What about Elisha and the widow. Her food supply was kept up miraculously. Yes, she was helping to feed the prophet, but the Lord could have fed the prophet without providing for her and her son. He also didn’t have to raise her son from the dead, but He did. Those are big miracles, and he did them for a common woman-like me.
I’m looking forward to seeing our miracles.
while I’m waiting
In the meantime. I want to keep serving, learning, and growing…even if I am exhausted. I read a section of Doctrine and Covenants I want to memorize. Section 4 is glorious. I love all the verses, but was thinking especially about verse two today.
“Therefore, O ye that embark to the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before god at the last day.”
I like that it starts with the heart, because that is where everything starts for us. If we keep our hearts right, it makes the others easier. Not easy, but easier. When my heart is on what Heavenly Father wants, joy comes quicker.
Next came might. I can desire all day long, but unless I get up and do something about it, it will never happen. Many people say they want to go to the temple, but never set an appointment. Their heart is in the right place. Now it is time to put their might behind it for support.
I recently had an area of obedience come up that surprised me. I didn’t think this would be an area I would struggle with, until faced with it. My heart is always in the right place, but in certain circumstances I would fail. I used to feel I would only feel honorable if I could obey even in that circumstance. I realized this week, that maybe the more honorable thing would be to never allow myself to get in the circumstance to begin with if I know it is hard for me. That is putting might behind my heart.
Mind and strength, to me, are compatible with heart and might. So often what is in our hearts is what we allow our mind to dwell on. How we choose to think affects everything…even our faith.
Maybe you will be willing to pray with me for an increase in my faith, and for those miracles to start?