I wonder if I could just put a post that says, “I’m tired and don’t feel well.”? Probably not. Even though I feel I am on the verge of exhaustion, I have had a good week. It started with my home teacher asking if he could give me a blessing. That blessing was second only to my patriarchal blessing in its encouragement. Every doubt and fear I had was addressed in such a way as to bring me nothing but joy. I knew it was from the Spirit because I had not blogged about some of those issues, nor spoken to anyone but Vicki about them. I also got to unburden myself with someone who has become a good friend. We talk about just about everything, but there was one thing I had never spoken with him about that has been a big burden for me the last year. I didn’t have a right to talk to him about it because it didn’t just involve me. He figured it out on his own this week, and was very sweet and encouraging. It felt good to talk to him about it. Other blessings came from my Scripture readings.
No new information or grand revelations, but sweet constant reminders. One of them was 1 Nephi 16:29 “….And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.” There are days that I look at all that is on my plate and despair. I cannot get it all done. I live a near impossible schedule. Yet, I am reminded that by remaining diligent and doing all I am able, the Lord can take care of the rest. I am not able to do everything for my children I used to. Being a single mom makes that impossible. I used to get beyond discouraged at that, spending a lot of time in tears. But, I am slowly learning to trust that my Heavenly Father loves my children as much as I do and is using all of this for their good.
Another was in 1 Nephi 17:41. In my Scripture journal I wrote, “When the Lord imposes trials on us, He also provides a way to be healed.” I have seen that in my own life time and time again. Each time that I am brought through a trial, I come out a little bit stronger and wiser. A recent trial that had caused me a lot of personal pain and emotional damage has been the one that has made me the strongest. When talking to my friend about it, he made an interesting comment saying, “I’m really surprised you are still a member.” I’m not surprised though. I love this gospel. I won’t let someone else take it from me. To be honest, I should say I had considered leaving. I’d wondered if I’d made a horrible mistake. But then I realized that I should not base my testimony on the lives of others. I went back and studied the gospel again, asking myself is it true. I came to the same conclusion I did two years ago. Yes. The gospel is most definitely true. I probably learned more from it than all my trials put together…and that is saying something. The Lord is healing my heart. I will never be the same person again. I’ll be a stronger one.
Well, I really am very tired and not feeling well. Too tired to really write anything lengthy or even coherent. Let me just end by saying I’m grateful for the small blessings I receive in the midst of a challenging life.