Yielded Up Their Bodies

I am sitting on my bed with fresh clean sheets. I love clean sheets. My wonderful children are at their dad’s house, which means I will have this entire bed to myself tonight. Though, I don’t feel like sleeping. I’ve been in a lot of pain today, but I took a TON of my painkillers and I was able to not only function, but get some really important things done.  I just couldn’t bear wasting an alone day. I can’t take that many painkillers two days in a row, so I’m determined to get as much done today as possible, because tomorrow I am probably going to feel like dying. Life with Lyme….it’s better than no life at all.

I wanted to share something I recently taught the children during our family scripture time. I’m taking the children through the book of Daniel. Yes, again. I really treasure that book. I always wanted to name one of my boys Daniel, but kept naming them after people we cared about that didn’t have children of their own. If I’m ever blessed enough to remarry and have another child, the boy will be Daniel!

The passage I want to write about is in chapter three, so I’ll need to do a quick overview of the first two chapters to put it in context. Maybe I’ll get to do some real posts about the first two chapters, because there is so much rich application in them. For now, here’s the speed version.

Chapter One

The year is around 605 BC. (give or take a year). Israel had been quite naughty for some time. God had patiently and, at times, sternly warned them through many prophets. If they didn’t repent, He would send the Babylonians to discipline them. The Babylonians—a fierce nation, whose very name caused other lands to tremble. Nebuchadnezzar, their king, was a ruthless man. He loved ripping people to pieces, sometimes literally. One of his punishments was to pull two trees into a bent position, tie one of the prisoner’s limbs to each tree and then cut the tension ropes, allowing the trees to snap back into their position, while ripping the prisoner’s body in half. Nice man.

You’d think knowing the Babylonian reputation the people would heed the prophets and repent, but there were also false prophets who kept reassuring the Israelis that there would be peace and the other prophets were just hate-mongers. Persecution of true prophets was rampant. Sound familiar?

Well, the word of God was fulfilled and Babylon came and besieged Israel in three stages. In the first stage Daniel was taken captive to serve in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court along with three of his friends: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. They are more commonly known by the names Nebuchadnezzar gave them: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. Daniel was about 14 or 15 years old at the time of his capture. The young men underwent three years of training and indoctrination and then were placed in the king’s service.

Chapter Two

Nebuchadnezzar (called Nebby at our house) had a dream that worried him. He wanted his wise men to interpret the dream for him, but he was sure they would just make up an interpretation to appease him. To avoid that problem, Nebby decided to make the wise men tell him what his dream was before they interpreted it, that way he could know they really had the power to help him. The wise men were flabbergasted. No king had ever required that before. It was downright impossible to do. Well, Nebby wasn’t too happy with that answer, so he sentenced all his servants to death.

Daniel, however, had a plan.  He sought favor from God to know the dream and its interpretation, which God granted him. Then he was hurriedly brought before the King. In humility and with great courage he told Nebuchadnezzar that no man is able to do what the King has requested, but there is a God in Heaven that speaks to men and He has let Daniel know the dream and its interpretation.

Basically there was a statue whose head was made of gold, its breast and arms of silver, its belly and thighs of brass, its legs of iron, and its feet was made partly of iron and partly of clay. Each of the parts of the statue represented a different kingdom. Nebuchadnezzar (representing the Babylonian Kingdom) was the head of gold. After him would come other kingdoms. But, then there was a stone. Oh! This stone is so important, I wish I could spend a post just on it! It was cut without hands and destroyed the statue in one fell swoop, then set up a kingdom that would last for eternity. God gave Nebuchadnezzar the dream to give him a glimpse of the future.

Our destination

Now we’ve arrived to the part I’ve been pondering. In chapter three Nebby builds a huge statue. This one, however, doesn’t just have a head of gold. The entire 90 ft. statue is made of gold from head to toe. It is as if Nebuchadnezzar was standing with his fist to the heaven’s saying, “My kingdom will NOT end no matter what you say.” Just to add more unrighteousness to his folly, he required everyone to bow down and worship the statue when they hear music play. The penalty for refusing is death.

Most of us know how this story goes. Daniel’s three friends (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego) were at the dedication of the statue. However, when the music played they refused to bow. Jealous co-workers reported them to the king. Now is when it really gets interesting. Nebuchadnezzar decided to give them a rare second chance. He said they would play the music again. If they bowed great. If they didn’t… “ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning fiery furnace; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” Daniel 3:15b

These three amazing young men didn’t even blink. Here is their response to the King:

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O King. But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” vs. 15-18

The King was beyond angry. The scriptures tell us that even his visage contorted with rage. He ordered the furnace heated seven times greater than normal and had the three young men bound and tossed into the flames. The intensity of the heat was so powerful that the soldiers ordered to carry them to the furnace perished.

Instantly, Nebuchadnezzar was on his feet in astonishment. He saw was four men walking freely in the furnace. He called them to come out of the furnace. The King and his court were amazed. Not only were the men unharmed by the flames, but neither their hair nor clothing was singed. They didn’t even have the smell of fire on them.

Here is part of the King’s response:

“Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, who hath sent His angel, and delivered His servants that trusted in Him, and have changed the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God. Therefore I make a decree, that every people, nation, and language, which speak any thing amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, shall be cut in pieces…”

When these young men committed their lives to serving God, they did not insert qualifiers. They belonged to God, body and soul. Whatever He did with them was up to Him. We are called to make that same commitment, and like these blessed Israelites we are to yield up our bodies as well. How do we do that?

It’s not just the BIG things like sacrificing our lives for the gospel. First, it is simply obeying the things we already know to do. Keep our baptismal covenants. How that is lived out daily is different for each of us. I had to give up a lot to get baptized. The life I am left with is aging me much more quickly than I would have if I had remained at my old church. I’m plain tired and worn out, but I don’t regret it for one moment. Beauty means less to me than righteousness.

Yielding our bodies also means how we fulfill our desires. Do we keep the law of chastity? I’m 43 years old and single. I am not and will not be in a sexual relationship with a man until I am married. Is that always easy? Not really. I often get offers for “entertainment” at one of my jobs. Men invite me out. But, they are not the type of men I would spend an eternity with, so I decline. Periodically, someone tells me I should go out with them just to have some fun. You know, live a little.  It doesn’t have to be serious- they say. I think that is a stupid idea. What kind of fun can I really have with them? Men of that type are not going to be content with dinner and conversation. That is all I have to offer.

Yielding our bodies also means doing our best at every responsibility God has called us to. My primary responsibility is to be my children’s mother. I’m in the unenviable position of having to be father also, but mother is my first role. I take it very seriously. Don’t survive your parenting. Be purposeful in it. Make sure you can give a righteous account of the stewardship you were offered of your children. I have other responsibilities too. I’m an employee, which means I am to do my job with excellence and integrity. I also have a home to run. I want to do it in a way which honors and reflects well upon the glory of my Father in heaven.

I want you to reflect upon what yielding up your body means for you in the life God has called you to. Are you doing it well? Are there areas you want to improve? Maybe there is an area that needs to change all together.

In a later chapter of Daniel, he is promoted to second in command of the kingdom. Jealous men tried to find an area of neglect and couldn’t. Daniel fulfilled EVERY responsibility with diligence and excellence. I wish I could say there are no areas of neglect in my life. Just one look at my laundry basket will tell you there is. However, I am striving toward excellence. Hopefully, as I learn to yield more and more, I will give glory to Him in everything I do. Even if I never quite make it in this lifetime, it is a worthy goal in which to pour out my life.

Wasting Trials

I’ve heard it said that each thing God allows into our lives is filtered through His hands. I have at times gotten discouraged and angry about that sentiment, wondering how God can love me and not filter better. Maybe that is normal, especially when dreadful things happen. Times when it might be tempting to say, “How can you love me and allow that?” I used to wonder that, beginning in childhood. My assumption was that He didn’t love me. I always worried that I was somehow not good enough for Him to love me. Maybe I was a disappointment to Him. That was a frightening thought to me because I didn’t know how to be any better than I was. I still don’t. I’m me, and that is all I can be.

As an adult I am learning that He does love me, even while inflicting trials. I still feel insecurities at times, but the Lord always blesses me with some assurances to give me hope.  I used to worry that God was disappointed in how long it took me to convert. Three years of constant investigation does seem to be excessive. Why doesn’t faith come more easily to me?  During my patriarchal blessing that fear of being a disappointment was in the back of my mind. There was a handful of people there who came to hear my blessing. I was a little afraid they were all going to hear what I disappointment I was. The patriarch answered my fear with wonderful assurances about God’s feelings towards me during my investigation.  It took such a weight off my shoulders.  I was so grateful the Spirit told him my secret fears. He did that several times throughout my blessing- telling the patriarch my thoughts. It was a precious and sacred experience. I wish I could say that took away all my insecurities, but it didn’t.

I was feeling wobbly about my worth this week also, combined with feeling very alone. Isn’t it funny how we only see where we come up short?  I was sure there was nothing about me currently that could make me worthy of His love, no matter how desperately I wanted it, or how much I wanted to please Him. However when I pulled out my Scriptures I was greeted with these glorious, comforting words:

“For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.” John 16:27

I wrote in my Scripture journal, “God love me!”  He loves me because I love and believe on His Son! That is very exciting and takes a lot of pressure off of me. He didn’t stop there though. Remember, at the time of my Scripture reading I was feeling frightened about God’s love for me, but I was also feeling alone. In that same chapter he addressed both issues.

“Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone:  and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.” John 16:32

What a blessed reminder that we are never truly alone. It was a tender mercy of God to remind me of that. Every once in a while I become a petulant child and think I’ve given enough and it is time for me to get some blessings instead of constant trials. There are occasions when I have had evil thoughts. I’m ashamed to admit that I have occasionally asked the Father if He did not think I have given enough yet. Isn’t a marriage, all my close (and not close) friendships, my dreams about child rearing, and my financial support enough of a sacrifice? Is it really necessary to keep suffering? Isn’t it time for some blessings? What an ungrateful child I am. I’m both blessed and thankful He always gives me time to fix my perspective, when He has every right to just strike me with a lightening bolt.

When I’m behaving as a rational human being I realize the trials are a blessing in themselves. Each difficulty helps me learn and grow in ways that would have been challenging to without them.  President Kimball was once quoted as saying, “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.” What an important thing to remember. Of course, without any disrespect to President Kimball, it might be better said, “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience need be wasted.” It all depends on how we handle the trial. A person can get beaten and respond by leaning on the loving arms of their Heavenly Father, feeling His comfort and presence, using the physical pain to relate to the Savior’s sacrifice on the cross, or they can respond by shaking their fist at heaven and blaming the evil on God. One wastes the trial. The other uses it to grow.

I can say with certainty that each trial I have endured and responded to correctly has taught me something wonderful about God and has brought me closer to a beautiful, eternal, and correct relationship with Him. I would not trade those experiences for anything. Brother Webster, a survivor of the Martin Handcart Company put it best.  “The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay….” Not everyone who made that journey felt the same way. Some turned around. Others became embittered against the gospel. Without repentance, those were wasted trials.

Have you ever noticed in Alma 62:41 the two opposing responses of the Nephites? “Because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war: and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.” Both groups faced the exact same afflictions, and yet they had totally different responses.

What was the key to their successful navigation through their afflictions? Humility. They humbled themselves under the mighty hand of their God. That requires trust. It requires knowing our God is allowing it, knowing He is going through it with us, and knowing He is doing it for our good. Humility uses the trial to get to know God better. To love Him more. Pride says we deserve better. I don’t want to waste my trials. I want to know my God.

The Purpose Driven Storm

 

To anyone who reads my blog it is no secret that I’ve been going though a straining time lately.  Last weekend it seemed to come to a head for me emotionally. I fell apart. Never had I felt so alone. I begged God to please remember me. I couldn’t understand why after everything I had been through that Heavenly Father would be unwilling to protect me from some recent trials. I was feeling quite sorry for myself. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I could keep going. There have been a few times in my life that I had considered suicide. The most difficult to pull out of was right after my excommunication.

My husband had left, I had no means of supporting my children, I had lost every connection and friend I had and I wasn’t sure if it was for the true faith, or a Satanic deception. The worst part was I  couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t tell me which it was. I prayed so fervently every day for Him to tell me what was true. Each time I was greeted with silence. Was it because of something wrong with me? Was it because I was unworthy? Or was it because God didn’t exist? An affirmative to any one of them left me without hope.

I distinctly remember laying on my bed and planning out the best way to just end it. I had come to some semblance of a plan, when one of my sweet children walked in, lay down next to me, and starting rubbing my face. It hit me. I didn’t have the luxury of quitting. I had four souls who depended on me. If for no other reason I would continue for their sakes. So, I dragged myself out of bed and began to make supper for them.

I have never forgotten that evening. It keeps me going regularly, as it did this past weekend. I can exist for their sakes. I will do my best to pull myself through what is brought to my path. That does not, however, make existing any easier. Because of that I was pouring my heart out to God asking Him why. After I had no tears left, I got up and decided the only course of action was to read my Scriptures.

I was reading in Ether chapter six. I always read with my Scripture journal in hand whenever possible and write down things that occur to me, and my questions. The first thing I wrote from that day was from the end of verse four:

“….commending themselves unto the Lord their God.”

Regarding that passage I wrote, “Why is this so hard for me? This is what I must do, entrust myself to Him completely.” Right after that verse it spoke of the tempest they were suffering and the fear they felt. I remember thinking how hard it must have been to not feel forgotten themselves down in the deep, frightened, and unsure of the course set for them. Maybe they felt abandoned too, or as if they were unimportant to God.

Then I read verse 8 and it put a little light on our trials.

“And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.”

It occurred to me that the most frightening thing in their lives was the very thing that was bringing them to the promised land. Maybe so it was for me. Each trial, each heartbreak, each betrayal is specifically designed to bring me to the Celestial Kingdom. It is preparing me in some way for my eternity. Every once in a while I wonder if our calling in the Celestial Kingdom is in direct proportion to our trials and growth experiences on earth. If so, my eternity is going to be awesome!

If I can try to remember that the tempest is driving me forward to Heavenly Father, it will make the storm less frightening. I could sit back in the arms of my Father and just enjoy the waves. At least now I can try to remember that my tempest has a purpose.

Incremental Revelation

I have learned so much in the last week that I don’t even know where to start. I suppose I’ll start with the temple. Yesterday I went to the Memphis temple to do initiatories and an endowment session. I was especially anxious to spend time in the Celestial room. I had 5 major things I was praying about that I needed direction. I typically sit close to the front so I can get to the celestial room more quickly.  On a side note……I like doing the prayer circle, but as a single woman it is awkward waiting up there all on my lonesome while the leader (or whatever he is called) asks for some poor schmoe to come up there to join me. Brothers, if you see a single sister waiting up there, jump up and join her.  Don’t leave her hanging! End of lecture.

When I got to the celestial room I grabbed some Scriptures and immediately started praying. At some point the burdens overwhelmed me and I started to cry. I laid out the big issues and asked Heavenly Father to lay out for me a plan. He said, “No.”  I said, “What?” He said, “I want to guide you little by little and you want the whole picture.” I said, “Ok.”, but a few minutes later decided to ask again in the hopes that I had misunderstood. Nope. Got the same answer. 

I’ll be honest. I found that disappointing. I wanted some answers! I needed direction. My heart was in a great deal of pain. AND I am confused about some things with regard to the gospel, the Spirit, and discernment. Not to mention the fact that I have so much on the plate, it would save some burden to get a great deal of direction at once. But, I trusted that Heavenly Father had a great reason. That submission was a good idea. It didn’t take long for me to start getting some answers.

The first answer I received was why he wanted to guide me little by little.  I’ve been reading a useful book by Gerald Lund entitled Hearing the Voice of the Lord. He wrote about incremental revelation, using the example of Nephi and the brass plates. Nephi was told to get the plates, but he wasn’t told how. He was kind of left to flounder on his own and figure it out. He made several attempts before having success. In his third attempt he said, “I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless, I went forth.” (I Nephi 4:6-7)

That is how I was feeling. God wants me to do these things, but doesn’t tell me how. Nephi was driven by faith, not knowledge. He had faith in Heavenly Father, therefore he would continue to try and figure out how to do what he was commanded to do. He had the same experience building the ship for their trip to the Americas. I Nephi 18:1 said he was given directions on how to build the ship, “from time to time”. I thought about that for a moment and it occurred to me that if the Lord had given him all the direction at once, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

Let’s look at the example of getting the plates from Laban. The Lord knew that Nephi was going to have to kill Laban to get those plates. But, if he told that to Nephi, Nephi might have spent his entire life wondering in false guilt whether or not there was anything else he could have done to get those plates back and spare Laban’s life. Therefore, the Lord let him attempt diplomacy first and learn for himself there was only one solution. How merciful of God!

Using the example of the ship, it is easy to see the need for incremental revelation. If Heavenly Father told me to build a car and gave me all the directions at once, I can guarantee at the end of my building, we would NOT have a car. Sometimes in His wisdom, He gives the direction we need, as we need it. I’m now not as disappointed with the idea.

The next thing I learned, was also confirmed to me more solidly in my reading. I was struggling with a wrong committed by someone. I couldn’t understand why the Lord was seemingly ignoring it. However, the Lord whispered to my heart that maybe He isn’t ignoring it, but giving others another learning opportunity.

I wondered about that, but wasn’t sure if I understood the Spirit correctly. Then I read something that confirmed it to me. While writing about Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail, Gerald Lund made the following observation: 

“But here is another lesson to learn from that experience. While Joseph was in jail all that time, the challenge of leading and exodus of thousands of Saints to safety in the dead of winter fell to the two senior Apostles, Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball. These were the very two men on whom would fall the task just eight years later of leading the Saints across more than a thousand miles of wilderness to the Valley of the Great Salt Lake. How’s that for “in service training”?

Often while we are undergoing our own learning experience, the Lord may be accomplishing His purposes with other people and in other settings. This is why it is foolish to think that we can fathom with our finite perspective the infinite and eternal purposes of God.”

Well, there is tons more that I learned this week that will have to wait.  There are little people who want me to come to their “club” meeting. Apparently it is time for my membership interview. I am one lucky mom.

Abraham's Sacrifice

Many of us would say we want to serve God with our whole heart. We would give Him anything He asked for. If we're honest, we say those words hoping He won't ask for anything too hard. But, sometimes He does. Sometimes He wants what holds our hearts.

Think of Abraham. Isaac was the son of his old age, the son of his beloved wife Sarah, the son who was Abraham's life. He loved him more than himself, as we all do our children. Knowing that, Abraham's Heavenly Father, our Heavenly Father, asked him to sacrifice his beloved son. Why? The Scriptures tell us, so he could test his devotion. My heart tears in two just thinking about what Abraham must have felt.

I've often thought that I would do pretty well with Abrahamic tests. I gave my life to Christ in my teen years without my parents permission. They were angry and retaliated. My teen years were difficult, but I maintained my convictions. My new found faith protected me from a life of immorality that I have watched destroy my siblings.

When my first born was six months old, I was diagnosed with cancer. I was terrified. My Dillon was my whole heart. It took me five years to have that special boy. I had been praying for a child for a loooong time. Now I wasn't sure I would be around to raise him. Oh, how my heart was shaking. When I got home from my post op appointment where I had received my diagnosis, I went straight to my scriptures. I read in Luke where the angel had just come to Mary and told her all the plans she had for her life where about to be changed. What was Mary's response? "I am the bondservant of the Lord, Be it done to me according to your word." I remember tears pouring down my face as I gazed at my young son and praying, "Oh, Father, I know I should feel this way. Right now all I can do is say it. Please help my heart to match up." The Lord not only spared my life, but blessed me with three additional children, and two others that died, but I will get to raise in eternity. I already love them.

Years later I felt the Lord drawing me to the Mormon faith. It was so different from the faith I had been devoted to. I was terrified I was being deceived. So was the church I was attending. It ended with divorce, excommunication, and ostracization. My whole life had fallen apart. I lost my marriage, my whole means of financial support, and every friend I had, but one, my dear friend Vicki. Yet, almost a year later, we are surviving, I am growing in the knowledge of the Lord, and we have made some of the best friends we have ever been blessed with in our entire lives. (Yeah, that is you Wally and Nancy!) Plus, in just over a month, I get my endowments.

You would think, with all that history and experience, I would remember that God never requires anything of us that He doesn't help us get through and bless us because of. Yet, a few weeks ago, when Heavenly Father required something else, something hard, I fell apart. I didn't want to hand it over. I wanted to hold onto it and say, "Not this too!" I felt betrayed and abandoned, like God was toying with me. What it really meant though was that I had not yet learned to trust Him. In all these years, I still didn't trust God. I was obeying simply because I love Him and desire to honor Him. Plus, I have a fear of disobedience. He must be very frustrated with me. Yet, even in the midst of disappointing Him, He shows me remarkable love and patience.

He has not chastized me once. Probably because He knows I do that quite enough for the both of us. Instead He has patiently waited for me to remember that He does love me, that He has my best interest at heart. Do I know in what way Heavenly Father will help me through this next sacrifice, or what blessing will result from obedience? Nope. I know it is hard. But, I also feel times of strength and joy. I'm obeying and waiting. I am also saying with Mary, "I am the bondservant of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word." And I'm a lot closer to meaning it, than not.