Weeping in Bethany

I have had some hard things happen lately--like knock me off my feet hard. My heart was in a constant state of weeping. I cried out to my Father in Heaven and asked Him, "Where is the fulfillment of Your promises to me?" I was not doubting He could fulfill them. I KNEW and still KNOW He can accomplish His word. I just wasn't seeing it happen and I have been suffering for a while now. I have on two occasions reminded the Lord that, while a thousand years is as a day to Him, it is a thousand years to me.

While I was pouring out my heart to Him a phrase came to my mind. "You are in Bethany." Now, I have had the Spirit nudge me, comfort me, direct me, and remind me of things, but this felt more cryptic. So, I pondered. What does that mean? That is when the light came.

One of Jesus's closest friends, Lazarus, was ill. His sister's, Mary and Martha, sent word to Jesus saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick (John 11:3).” The passage talks about Jesus's love for this precious family and yet, Jesus put off going. He put off going even though He knew it meant Lazarus would die. Why would He do that? Because Jesus knew the bigger plan.

When He got there, the sisters expressed their faith in Him and seeing their grief, and probably feeling His own sadness about His friends and what they've suffered, grieved with them.

Jesus wept. He wept knowing the goodness to come because pain is profoundly undeniable. Those surrounding them from the village saw Jesus's love for Lazarus and questioned why the One who could give the blind sight did not come and heal His friend.

Then comes the plan.

After four days in the tomb, Jesus cried out, "Lazarus, Come forth (John 11:43)." And he did.

What once was dead, now lived.

This is what the Spirit was telling me. I am in the four days, when the promises seem dead. I am weeping in Bethany. But (which is one of my favorite words in the Scriptures) God knows the plan. He will call His word and promises forth.

As a gentle reminder to me this morning, as I was reading my scriptures, I came to 2 Nephi 6:11.

"...for they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me."

I may be weeping in Bethany right now, but the day of rejoicing is coming.

What Can One Person Do?

Do you ever look around at the state of our world or even just our country and despair? Do you feel helpless to do anything? Me too. I went to Heavenly Father in prayer during a particular time of despair after watching the news and asked if it was too late. Had our salt lost its savour? Are we about to be trown out and trampled underfoot (Matthew 5:13)? The answer I received gave me a candle in the darkness. Most who read the Bible know the passage in 2 Chronicles that is often quoted, though seldom followed:

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. Now mine eyes shall be open, and mine ears attent unto the prayer that is made in this place. (2 Chronicles 7:14-15)

One of the things I love about this passage is that it didn't depend on worldwide repentance, just the people who call themselves followers of God. Now, there is a cynical part of me, too, because sometimes I look around at those who call themselves by His name and I'm ashamed. They're like an amalgam of the churches of Ephesus, Sardis, and Laodicia in the book of Revelation (Revelation 2-3). They want to call themselves part of the church, but live like the world. Can the Lord turn His face toward us when even His people are in this condition? Then, I remembered two things. First, there is always a remnant. Always. Two, there are great examples in scripture when the prayers of a SINGLE believer saved a nation. Here are two.

Daniel

I teach the adult Sunday School class at my church. Hardly a lesson goes by when I don't bring up Daniel. I admire him so much. I aspire to be like him. Remind me sometime to tell you the verse about his character that convicts me the most and shows me where I fall short. In Daniel, the nation of Israel was coming up on the completion of 70 years of captivity in Babylon. There were still Israelis in the land of Israel, but they were the powerless (the poor) and the useless (the dregs). Don't equate those two. They're separate groups. The point from Nebuchadnezzar's mind was they were no threat. Those who could be a threat were taken to Babylon. For years, God had warned people of Israel unless they repented they'd spend 70 in captivity. They didn't listen. And Babylon came.

Fast forward about 70 years and now Babylon had been overthrown. It was now the Medo-Persian Empire running things and those 70 years of promised captivity was coming to an end. Now you think Daniel, who was first taken captive at the age of around 14-15, would be thrilled and packing his bags. Instead, he gave a remarkable prayer of repentance on behalf of his people. You can read his prayer in Daniel 9. Seriously, go read it. Now why would Daniel feel the need to beg for the mercy of God when he knew the 70 years were coming to an end? Didn't he know the word of God? Did He not have faith that God would keep His word and restore the people of Israel?

He did. In fact, Daniel knew the word of God so well, that he understood the importance of this prayer of repentance. You see, there is another verse tucked away in the Book of Leviticus that says, "And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins." (Leviticus 26:18). Hence Daniel's prayer on behalf of his people.

Thankfully, the scriptures teach us that the "effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16).

And Daniel's prayer availeth...

Shortly after, around 537 B.C., Cyrus the Persian gave the command that the Israelites could return to their land. Not only did the Lord hear Daniel's prayer, but He sent Daniel a heavenly messenger to assure him of the fact as well as give Daniel a glimpse into the future.

Nehemiah

Fast forward with me one more time to 445 B.C. Nehemiah was serving as the cupbearer in the court of the Persain King Artaxerxes I. Some Israelite friends came to visit him. Nehemiah immediately inquired about how things were going in Jerusalem. The news was grim. The wall to the city of Jersualem was in tatters and they were facing enemies on all sides. Without a wall, they were defenseless. When Nehemiah heard this, he wept, mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of Heaven (Nehemiah 1:4).

In this prayer, which you can read in the remainder of that chapter, Nehemiah repented on behalf of his people and then he reminded God of His promises in Deuteronomy 30, specifically that when the scattered people of Israel repented, He would restore them to their land no matter how far they were scattered. Then he asked the Lord to give him mercy in the sight of "this man." We learn in the sentence that immediately follows, that "this man" was the king.

Just four months later, the answer to Nehemiah's prayer came. His countenance was sad and the king noticed. Not only did he notice, he noticed the type of sadness. Sorrow of the heart AND he asked Nehemiah about it. This tells me that Nehemiah was the type of servant the king actually respected and even cared about. Nehemiah 2:2 says that Nehemiah was afraid to answer. You may wonder why. Well, he had good reason.

If you angered a king, you could be put to death. Not too long before this, some enemies of Israel wrote the king and told him that the Israelites were a rebellious people who couldn't be trusted to rebuild the wall or they might not serve the king any longer. This resulted in Artaxerxes issuing a decree that the rebuilding of Jerusalem and its wall was to be halted. (Ezra 4:7-24).

You can understand Nehemiah's reticence. Yet, he told the king his sorrow over his nation. Artaxerxes asked, "For what dost thou make request?" Nehemiah took a moment to pray (I definetely don't blame him) and then asked for leave to go to Jersualem and help complete the repairs. He also asked for letters of safe passage, as well as letters of the king's orders that construction was to reconvene, AND for the king to help provide the needed supplies to do the construction. Bold. But guess what? The king agreed to all of it.

One man, by serving faithfully in the position of a servant was able to change the course of the nation he loved.

My beloved brothers and sisters, SO CAN WE.

Standing in the Gap

Now it is our turn. We must pray. We must repent, both for our own sins as well as the sins of our nation. Then, like Nehemiah, we must get to work. Nehemiah went to Jersualem and helped rebuild the wall. What do we rebuild? We rebuild the character of our nation. Serve well where you are planted. Live as salt and light. Love those around you. Live righteously. Help where you can in wise ways. Pray some more. Pray not just for the repentance of the people, but for revelation in what work the Lord has for YOU to do (Ephesians 2:10). What can one person do? Save a nation.

Doing Hard Things

I was going over 1 Neiph 16 again today and some thoughts came to mind.

Lehi:

In verse 8 Nephi said,

"And thus my father had fulfilled all the commandments of the Lord which had been given unto him."

How many of us could say that? My heart was filled with longing to be that person. It reminded me of Daniel of the Old Testament. When the three satraps were looking for a way to accuse him before the king, they could find nothing. Nothing. The verse states he had no negligence or neglect in any of his duties. Can you imagine that? Maybe I should stop typing and mop these floors I've not washed this week? But I digress. Back to Lehi....

Just a few verses later, things got tough again. They were out of food. I don't know if you've ever been in that situation, but I have. When the pantry and refrigerator are empty and there is ZERO money in your account to purchase food it is discouraging. We say we are willing to suffer all things for the Lord, yet sometimes when things are hard, we complain. That's what Lehi did. This great man who followed every command of the Lord murmured against the Lord because of their lack of food.

This reminded me of two things:

1. Being righteous and doing the very hard things the Lord asks you to do does not exempt you from extraordinarily difficult trials. You do not get some "Get out of difficulties free card." because you've been faithful.
2. If we don't keep a constant guard on our hearts and faith we can very easily fall in to sin. Side note: Have you ever noticed how closer murmur and murder are in sound? When we murmur against the Lord, we are destroying our own faith.

Nephi:

Oh Nephi. I love this young man so much. He suffered more than the rest of his family because not only did he face the exact same difficulties as they did, but he also suffered from their constant complaints and negativity. Every once in a while they'd try to destroy him too, blaming him for their challenges.

It is so hard being the sole person striving to honor the Lord in your tribe of people. Often he had his father's strength and faith to lean on, but in this passage, even his father had taken a different path. This is a great reminder that sometimes you have to go it alone. You won't have that Samwise Gamgee to tell you, "This is hard, but we'll do it together."

Nephi is also a great example of one of my favorite mottos, "Do the next thing." His bow broke. They were starving. Everyone was laying around complaining about the hardness of what the Lord was requiring after them. I'm sure Nephi was heartsick about the brass bow breaking. It was a great resource for them. But, does he say, "Really God? Now you want me to find food without the one thing I had going for me?" No! Nephi puts on his big boy sandals and gets a stick and makes a bow. Was it as good as the resource he had before? Not even close. But, it is what he had.

Sometimes we lose the only resources we have. When that happens, we look around and say, "Okay. What can I do now?" He fashioned the best bow he could and then inquired of the Lord. He even went to his father and asked him to inquire of the Lord of where he should go to find food. That simple act helped to bring his father to repentance.

Nephi teaches me, "Yes, you are tired, hungry, and discouraged, but get up do what you can and leave the rest to the Lord."

The Daughters of Ishmael:

I'm guessing they were used to a much cushier life. Then the Lord asks them to marry these men who are taking them from the comforts they are used to and causing them to wander in the wilderness. And just when things seem to be at its worst, their father dies. It's natural they were upset.

But, here is what they didn't know. Their beloved Jerusalem was about to be destroyed by the Babylonians. At best, they'd have been carried away to Babylon to serve their captors. At worst, they'd be either dead or left as "the poorest of the land" to work the fields and live amongst the rubble left there. They were being rescued from that.

There was something else they didn't know. Yes, what they're doing is hard. What they have to experience is painful. But, they were being led to a different land. A land better than the one they'd left. They'd get to start a kingdom of people. The mothers of a new nation.

---

In the midst of our journeys, when trials are swirling all around us, we rarely see what we're being rescued from and the bounty that lay before us when the journey is over.

When I am facing difficult things, as I am now, I want to remember I don't see the whole picture. I want to be the one who increases the faith of those around me, as Nephi did, and not the one who gives up and joins the pity party.

The Lord has called me to do hard things and I want to honor that.

Mary & Joseph

Mary

When the angel came to her telling her she was about to bear the Son of God, a thousand thoughts must of passed through her mind. Would Joseph understand? Would he leave her?  Would people believe her? Or would they label her either insane or immoral? Yet, despite all that her worlds to the angel were,

"Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord. Be it done to me accourding to your word."

But it didn't stop there. She was told that her son, her beloved boy, would cause the fall and rise of many and a sword would pierce her own soul. Yet, she just treasured all this up in her heart and lived in quiet obedience. The true epitome of a gentle and quiet spirit. 

She was the perfect mother for the Son of God.

I admire her.  I want to be like Mary.

When my dreams are crushed,... I want to be submissive, without bitterness.

When the people around me are cruel and hurtful... I want to be full of love.

 Joseph

Even when he thought Mary was unfaithful to him, he chose to be merciful. He could have publicly humiliated her or even had her stoned. Instead, he chose to separate privately. Then, when the angel came to him and told him the truth. He accepted it and loved both Mary and her child. 

Some men aren't good fathers even to their own children. Joseph helped raise a child that wasn't his. He guided Him. Provided for Him. He even taught Him a trade. 

Sometimes, I think Joseph doesn't get enough credit. 

He was the perfect father for the Son of God. 

Learning to Count It All Joy

via GIPHY

I'm good at patiently enduring. I've been given many opportunities to practice. But, I realized this week there's something I haven't yet learned. Fortunately, Heavenly Father is patient with me. I had a very difficult few days. Let me tell you a little bit about it.

Day One

The company I work for lost a client, which provided a good amount of work for me. That means less hours and less income.

Day Two

My lovely daughter was in a wreck, with our only vehicle. She was hit by a woman driving without a license, who doesn't speak English, and refuses to take responsibility.

Day Three

Found out our only vehicle was totaled. Unfortunately, it wasn't worth much which means not getting much money from the insurance company to get a new vehicle. I was quite worried. Especially because they only gave me a few days with a rental because the car was totaled. That meant I had to find a vehicle fast... with hardly any money.

Day Four

I received my rejection from Pitch Wars. If you're not a writer, that won't really mean anything to you, but to me, it was heart breaking.

Day Five

Received horrible results from an important medical test. I go back to the hospital Wednesday to find out how bad it actually is. 

By this time, I'd lost it. I broke down into tears. I opened my scriptures, desperately praying for guidance. My scriptures open to James 1:2-3 "Count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." 

So, here's the thing. I realized right at that moment that while I knew who to patiently endure, without complaining. I didn't know how to count it all joy. That's what I'm trying to learn now. Those of you who are more advanced than I am spiritually, feel free to give me some pointers. 

Why I Stay

I often get emails about my conversion.  The trend lately has been people incredulous that I'm STILL Mormon, as if it were some kind of infection they were certain I'd have recovered from by now.  Let me tell you why I stay.

When I was protestant, I lived a faithful life. I studied my scriptures diligently. I prayed. I strived to keep my life free from sin. I did my best to serve. Yet, whenever I read the verse from John 10, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me," I'd get worried. I couldn't hear His voice no matter how hard I tried.  I was sure that meant I wasn't "saved".

I talked with my husband about it. He always blew it off saying, "If you're not saved, no one is." While I appreciated his confidence in my spiritual life, I couldn't help but feel a shard of ice cold fear. I spoke with a pastor about it. He asked me to go through 1 John and look at the "tests" of discipleship. I would always pass that test with flying colors, no matter how many times I took it. Yet, I didn't feel at peace. Why couldn't I hear the Savior's voice? I'd pray and ask that question all the time. Heaven seemed silent.

Enter my conversion.

While my worries about the passage from John had absolutely no influence on my conversion, one of the HUGE (and surprising) benefits I received from being Mormon was an answer to that prayer. Suddenly, I could hear and recognize the Savior's voice--clearly and often.

I can't begin to describe what a blessing that is to both myself and my family as a whole. That single answer to prayer is enough to keep me Mormon forever. I'm not willing to give up my intimate communion with the Savior through the Spirit of God simply to make my life easier and my religion more palatable to others.

I stay because it has brought me closer to my God and Savior than I ever fathomed possible.

You Need a Shower!

I had the privilege this weekend of going to an elderly relative's house and going over her bills and medications with her and getting her ready to be transferred to a new place. One of my goals going there was to make sure she got a shower.  She hadn't had one in a while. A long while. She has a stronger will than her previous caregivers.  I was determined my will would be stronger than hers.

I'd prepared her ahead of time telling her one of my goals when I came was to get her clean. I reminded her when I arrived we were going to get her a shower.  She kept finding things to go over to avoid it.  She made many excuses. When that failed, she cried.  She did not want a shower. I felt for her, but I knew getting clean was important.  I was trying hard to be patient, but firm.

Then when I'd finally got her compliant there was no hot water.  I saw a smile creep across her face. I couldn't make her take a cold shower.  That would be cruel.  She thought she was off the hook.

I walked over to a neighbor's house where I knew there was a man and asked him to come look at her hot water heater and tell me if it was an easy fix.  He graciously obliged and determined the heating elements were out. Now she was sure she was off the hook.  He knew what was happening and offered his shower to us.

When this dear woman heard plan B, she literally wailed. Suddenly, she determined she couldn't walk over to his house.  She actually could, but to let her know I was serious I said we'd carry her if necessary.  More tears.  The whole way to his house she told us why she couldn't do this.  The neighbor tried to suppress his laughter. It was like dealing with a toddler.

The shower was no easier. She complained the whole time. While I washed her hair. While I cleaned her back. While I gave her a soaped up washcloth and instructed her how to get herself clean anywhere I thought she was capable. The entire time I reminded her how much better she'll feel after she was clean.  She didn't believe me.

It occurred to me there was something to learn from this experience. Sometimes we're in need of a shower. Not a literal one--the cleansing of repentance. But, like this elderly woman, the process of getting clean sounds like the worst possible experience. It's going to be hard. We like our dirt.  It's comfortable. It's easy. Then when we finally think we're ready, we realize we don't have the resources. Fortunately, like this woman's neighbor, Christ has provided what will get us clean through His atonement.

I made a decision while showering her. I never want to fight against what's good for me. I don't want to get in a battle of wills with my Savior. When He tells me I need a shower, I want to jump in. I want to be clean.