Why I Stay

I often get emails about my conversion.  The trend lately has been people incredulous that I'm STILL Mormon, as if it were some kind of infection they were certain I'd have recovered from by now.  Let me tell you why I stay.

When I was protestant, I lived a faithful life. I studied my scriptures diligently. I prayed. I strived to keep my life free from sin. I did my best to serve. Yet, whenever I read the verse from John 10, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me," I'd get worried. I couldn't hear His voice no matter how hard I tried.  I was sure that meant I wasn't "saved".

I talked with my husband about it. He always blew it off saying, "If you're not saved, no one is." While I appreciated his confidence in my spiritual life, I couldn't help but feel a shard of ice cold fear. I spoke with a pastor about it. He asked me to go through 1 John and look at the "tests" of discipleship. I would always pass that test with flying colors, no matter how many times I took it. Yet, I didn't feel at peace. Why couldn't I hear the Savior's voice? I'd pray and ask that question all the time. Heaven seemed silent.

Enter my conversion.

While my worries about the passage from John had absolutely no influence on my conversion, one of the HUGE (and surprising) benefits I received from being Mormon was an answer to that prayer. Suddenly, I could hear and recognize the Savior's voice--clearly and often.

I can't begin to describe what a blessing that is to both myself and my family as a whole. That single answer to prayer is enough to keep me Mormon forever. I'm not willing to give up my intimate communion with the Savior through the Spirit of God simply to make my life easier and my religion more palatable to others.

I stay because it has brought me closer to my God and Savior than I ever fathomed possible.

The Sweet Memory of Past Sin

That title probably sounds weird…even wrong.  No memory of sin should be sweet.  Of course not, but bear with me.  Many of you know I am a homeschool mom.  My oldest daughter will be reading St. Augustine’s Confessions this fall.  I’ve been re-reading it in order to write a discussion guide for us to use.  I came across this passage:

“I must now carry my thoughts back to the abominable things I did in those days….the memory is bitter, but it will help me to savour your sweetness, the sweetness that does not deceive but brings real joy and never fails.”  ~ st. augustine

That completely changed my view of the past.  While before it brought me low and I used it as a warning never to allow myself to be deceived again. It’s different now. Sweeter.  It’s still a good reminder to beware, but now it also draws me into praise. 

My Savior gave himself as a sacrifice, so that I could be at peace before my God.  Now, instead of being weighed down with guilt, I smell the sweet aroma of the sacrificial atonement.  No wonder the Old Testament sacrifices were such a pleasing aroma to God.  They brought to His mind the willing love and sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. 

Now, if something reminds me of the past, I think of the Savior’s gift and look toward the future, where I will dwell with my God. When I do that, my heart swells with love and praise for him.  That is definitely sweet.

 

When You Disagree with Leadership

 

From the time Mormons are knee-high to a priesthood holder, they are taught the stories about Nephi and his brothers.  Nephi honored both God and his father. His brothers, Laman and Lemuel, complained and rebelled.  Yet, despite the fact that we’ve been taught these stories over and over again, somehow we seem to be missing the point-- How they got that way.

I hear grumblings in the church a lot lately.  I hear them in the ward. I hear them on Facebook. There are grumblings about women and the priesthood.** There are grumblings about gay marriage.  Sometimes the grumblings are about petty issues.  They usually start with the phrase, “If I were in charge…”

With all due respect, and as someone who would sometimes do things differently herself, we are not in charge.  Our job is to decide if we can sustain our leadership. If so, then get in the trenches and lift them up.  Make their burden lighter. Magnify our callings.  So, how do you decide if you can sustain your leadership on issues you feel differently?  Do what Nephi did. 

Nephi didn’t just say, “He’s our father and we’ll do what he says.” Nor will you have to say “The leadership says this so…”

Look at this verse that explains Nephi’s reaction when he was perplexed.

“Wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.” 1 Nephi 2:16b

Therein lies the difference.  Nephi sought out what the Lord wanted him to do.  He didn’t go into it with his mind made up. He sincerely wanted to know the truth and was willing to honor whatever that was.  I love that about Nephi.

Nephi then went to his brothers and explained to them the things the Spirit had made known to him.  Sam believed. Laman and Lemuel still refused. Why were their hearts so blind to the truth?  I have a couple of ideas.

1. It’s possible they refused to even seek the Lord.  Maybe they didn’t want to know that what their father was saying was correct.  They had in mind the world they wanted to live in and their father’s visions weren’t in line with that.

2. They looked “beyond the mark”. Jacob 4:14 talks about this.

“…they despised the words of plainness, and killed the prophets, and sought for things that they could not understand. Wherefore, because of their blindness, which blindness came by looking beyond the mark, they must needs fall…”

One of the words we translate as sin in the New Testament, literally means “to miss the mark”.  That is very interesting to me in light of the warning in Jacob 4:14.  When we insist on looking beyond the mark, the standards that God has set, we’re not just missing the mark, we’re putting ourselves at risk of spiritual blindness.

If you’re someone who is struggling with leadership, may I suggest spending some sincere time in prayer asking Heavenly Father to help you see what is right and what is wrong.  Do it with an open mind.  I promise, if you do, you will find a peace like you have never experienced before. The peace that Nephi experienced when the Spirit enlarged his mind to understand.

**To my non-Mormon readers, I wanted to make a small note about women and the priesthood.  What is not commonly known is that we don’t have a priesthood vocation.  You don’t become a Mormon priest as a career. Even our bishops, who lead the local congregations, are unpaid and generally only serve for 5 years in addition to their normal vocation that they continue to work in order to support their families.

The Problem with the Conference Dissenters

 

Even if you didn’t watch General Conference this past weekend, you’ve probably seen the articles about the dissenters. Essentially, they feel like there isn’t enough communication between the Prophet along with other General Authorities and the laity.  They want an open forum to address their doctrinal concerns.  I see a major problem with that.  It’s not what they’re called to do.  A prophet’s job is not to listen to us. His job is to listen to what the Lord says.  Would you really want a prophet who led by the majority opinion of the people? I certainly wouldn’t.

Imagine this scenario toward the end of the 7th century BC….

People: Jeremiah, we need to talk to you.  We’re not happy with some of the things you’re saying.  WE’RE God’s people, the Babylonians should not come to rule over us.

Jeremiah: Well, you know, God’s doing that because you are His people. You refuse to listen, so He’s got to get your attention.

People: About that….We think some of these rules are unnecessary.  Here are some things we think merit further discussion:

1. The Seventh Year Sabbath:  We’d be much more financially and agriculturally productive if we weren’t required to rest the land every seven years.   In fact, that’s why we’ve been ignoring the command.  All the farmers have discussed it and feel we should decide how to run our farms.
2. The Levites: Why should just the Levites get the priesthood? I mean there are plenty of people in the tribe of Naphtali that feel like that’s how they’d like to spend their lives.  Does God love the Levites more? Are you saying other tribes are worth less?
3. Levitical food restrictions: We really feel like we should eat whatever we want.  The other day, some guy from the outlying regions brought bacon.  It was GOOD.  We don’t see the wisdom in restraining from certain foods and feel bacon should be a part of our diet.

Jeremiah:  Hmmm….well if you put it that way.  I’m sure God won’t mind if we change a few things.  After all, a lot of things have changed since Moses was around.

Though the above scenario is ridiculous, that is essentially what the dissenters are wanting. They want a say in doctrine.  But, let’s be honest, any leader who does that will end up leading the church astray.  We shouldn’t desire our leaders to establish doctrine by vote. 

By the way, there was a time that happened. You may remember it. It’s called the apostasy.

I am grateful, for a prophet and apostles who look vertically for guidance, instead of horizontally.

**Side note** There were dissenters in the time of the Old Testament prophets as well. Though, instead of not sustaining, they would imprison or murder them.  Jeremiah went through quite a lot, but was steadfast regardless of what the people did to him or how much his heart was broken by the destruction of Jerusalem.  Let’s pray for our leadership, that they will remain strong and courageous as well.

Why I’m Not “Repentant”

There is a large group of people waiting for me to renounce Mormonism.  They pray for my repentance. They occasionally mention my need for it.  I’m sure they wonder what is taking me so long.  They think of me and shake their heads. Today I’d like to explain why I’ve not “repented”.

I have found Christ.  While I did love and worship Him before, it’s deeper now because I understand Him more.  It’s like when you first meet someone and have an instant bond with. You like them. After a time, however, as you really get to know them, it’s different. You know THEM and it makes you love them even more. 

That is how I feel about my faith. I know Christ and my Heavenly Father more than I ever have. When I was a reformed protestant, I loved my Savior. I truly did. Yet, if I’m being honest, I felt something was missing. I’d read my scriptures, which I loved and felt somehow I was missing something. The only thing I can liken it to is reading a literary passage where I know there is a deeper meaning I should be grasping. I can kind of see it, but it’s blurry and just out of reach. 

Other times, the problem was more obvious. I had the distinct feeling that we, like the Pharisees during the life of the Savior, were missing the point. There were also aspects of Scripture we seemed to be ignoring.

In all my life, I’ve never felt closer to my God. I finally know what that passage means when it says “My sheep hear my voice.” I know what it means to be led by the Spirit of God. I know my God and He knows me. I know what it means to have the Savior call you friend. I know what it means to have Him beside me. Really beside me.

Here are the things Mormonism has added to my life:

• A much deeper knowledge of the Godhead and communion with them.
• Real peace that comes from knowing I am in His will.
• The constant companionship of the Holy Spirit, including His whispered guidance.
• Priesthood ordinances that do things I couldn’t even begin to delineate here.
• The FULLNESS of the gospel.  I no longer have to read my scriptures and wonder why something is not a part of gospel living anymore, because it is a part of it. After all, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Why would I give that up?

So, that is why I am not willing to “repent”. Can those of you who think I am going to hell still pray for me? Of course! But, while you do, take a moment to sincerely pray and ask your Father in Heaven if maybe you’re  not missing the point.

Changes

“And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren,

        if ye have experienced a change of heart, and

        if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love,

I  would ask, can ye feel so now?” Alma 5:26

We buried my father this week. One of my brothers was late for the funeral due to circumstances outside of his control. I didn’t want to start the service without him, so to try to keep those in attendance from awkwardness I spoke about my father and some of the many changes that he has gone through in his lifetime until my brother could get there. That got me to thinking about why people change. Some for good and some for bad.

How many times have you seen someone glowing from their recent baptism? Their whole being is different and they are excited about the new life ahead of them. Some go their whole lives with this glow and desire to love and serve their God. Others grow dull. For some it only takes a few months and they’ve disappeared. For others it is years later before they give up. What is the difference? Why do some endure to the end and others can’t endure through the month?

The passage above gives a glimpse of what it is like to experience the change that comes on those who make covenants with their God and Savior. How do those feelings get lost?

The verses that follow give some insight. Look at the questions it gives for self-reflection.

Have ye  walked, keeping yourselves blameless before God?

There is a need for regular repentance. Keeping oneself spotless from the world takes work. It takes a willingness to think eternally instead of temporally. Now, no one is perfect, but let’s face it, if we were we wouldn’t need the atonement anyway. That its one of the wonderful things I love about the sacrament. Each week we get to renew our covenants in our hearts.

“Could ye say,  if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that you have been sufficiently humble…”

Often, this is what keeps people from real repentance. We all like to be thought well of. It is hard admitting when we’ve failed. I recently had a friend that told me about a night that they blew it. This friend told me because they felt like a hypocrite not telling me. I was never more proud of my friend than when they came to me in humbleness and told me. This person also has the humility to take the appropriate steps and face the bishop. Despite the sin, I admire this person because they didn’t stay there. They didn’t try to hide it or make excuses for it. That is repentance. That is humility.

“…that your garments have been cleansed, made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to redeem His people from their sins?”

This is a big one.  Evangelicals often accuse Latter-day Saints (Mormons) of a works based righteousness. Nothing could be further from the truth.  We are made perfect through Christ by placing our faith and covenants with Him. Sometimes, though we lose that faith. Maybe we been disenchanted because of some perceived wrong in our lives. Maybe we feel our Savior is ignoring our needs. Maybe we put our faith in ourselves and forget the need for His sacrifice. We feel like a failure and forget about the beauty of repentance. We forget we can be made whole, because we’re so caught up in our sin.

“Behold are ye stripped of pride?”

I know someone who needs to be worshipped. He’d never call it that. He’d call it being a righteous example. But, he derives his sense of worth from being looked up to and admired. This has hindered his repentance at times. He has a hard time forming healthy relationships, because he has to be completely respected. When they don’t admire him, he accuses them of being prideful and sometimes worse things.

It matters to everyone what others think, so in some ways I understand the internal struggle this man must go through. However, this is one of the most destructive forms of pride. It robs you of honesty. It robs you of accountability. And worst of all it robs you of real repentance.

We sometimes cause this problem in others with judgment. I love how President Uchtdorf once said it. We shouldn’t judge others because they sin differently than us. When we do this we make it difficult for others to repent. They need to feel a sense of love and acceptance.  I’m not saying accept their sin. I’m saying accept that they are human and will struggle with things we don’t. Before we get too cocky, let’s remember we struggle with things they don’t too.

The next time you catch someone “blowing it” ask yourself how you would feel if someone saw you in the midst of failure. How would you want them to respond to you? Once you know, do that.

Be an example of righteousness and love people to repentance. Then, maybe, we can help the faltering saints gain the glow and joy of their salvation again. Then, maybe, their changes will be great ones.

The Purpose of Freedom of Religion

I was supposed to speak in sacrament this morning. It was a topic that I cherish so I was really looking forward to it. My body didn’t agree. I kept throwing up.  I got up six different times determined to go and each time my body betrayed me.  I was quite disappointed. To ease my own disappointment I will blog my talk.  The upside is I get to be more opinionated when not standing in the pulpit, so I get to say all the things I wanted to. Some things, though true, are not best shared during sacrament. I’ll also have to pare it down to fit in this format.

There are two types of Freedom of Religion: External and Internal.

External Freedom

Whenever we hear the phrase “Freedom of Religion”, most of us think of external freedoms, such as we have in this country. It is something we should be very grateful for and I am positive we take for granted. There are citizens of other countries who would give up all their worldly possessions to have that privilege.  I think of the Romeike family from Germany who fled their country for the right to raise their children according to their faith. I think of the many members of underground churches in China. What they wouldn’t give for our rights! 

The freedom to worship according to the dictates of our conscience came at a high price. Many people gave their lives for this privilege. They gave their lives in the years following the Savior’s resurrection. On this soil, they gave their lives both during the revolutionary war and the years following the restoration of the gospel given to Joseph Smith. It is worth suffering for.

And to be quite frank, the current administration has been very strategic in their undermining that freedom. If we don’t wake up and start paying attention we may find ourselves one day wondering what happened to our freedoms. That however, is a topic for another post.

Internal Freedom

There is a second type of religious freedom, which is what I’d like to focus on: Internal freedom, also called agency.

In the book Gospel Doctrine  Joseph F. Smith says, “There are no freer people upon the face of the earth today than the Latter-day Saints.” Those who don’t know our culture and bylaws won’t understand just how true that statement is.

We are free to be good Latter-day Saints or bad ones. We’re even free to stop being Latter-day Saints altogether. If we chose we could write the bishop and ask him to remove us from the rolls of the church and he would oblige us, simple as that. There are no nasty consequences for not being a member (in the physical world). Even when someone commits a grievous sin and must be excommunicated, they are still welcome to services and homes. They are still loved and treated as a friend. And, when they are ready to return, they are welcomed back with open arms as if nothing had ever happened. The gospel calls that agency.

Those who have grown up as Latter day Saints won’t necessarily realize what a blessing that is. You may not even realize that not all churches have such a loving culture. In some faiths, the doctrine of the sovereignty of God overrules any agency of man. The cornerstone of those churches is submission. The membership is putting themselves not only under the leadership of the pastors and elders, but the rule of them as well. I belonged to such a church before I became a Latter day Saint. Early in my membership there, we had gotten a new pastor. Once his leadership started it was decided that all new members had to sign a form saying that they were submitting to the decisions of the elder board in order to complete their membership.

If a Mormon bishopric even considered producing such a form, they’d probably be released before the ink had time to dry. Coming from that type of church background, I had a little trouble adjusting to the mindset most Latter-day Saints held. Submission had been held up as the standard of righteousness for so long, that independence and agency took some time for me. Wives were to submit to husbands, children to parents, women to men, members to elders. It was a simple process of just do what you’re told.

Now, suddenly, as a Latter day Saint, I had to make all the decisions for myself and I found it challenging.  My children however, took to it like fish to water. Once they learned about agency, our whole family dynamic changed. In their young minds it meant total freedom. They no longer had to do anything. If I tried to ground them they would say, “Isn’t this taking away our agency?” They weren’t being disrespectful, they were trying to figure out what agency meant.

It took a while to get them to understand what agency really did mean. In the meantime, I had to remind them that though they had the agency to decide their actions, they would not get to choose the consequences of those actions. Should they decide, in their agency, not to do their schoolwork, I would fail them.  So, with their agency, they needed to learn wisdom in carrying  it out.

Wisdom is the key to any freedom. Like the Israelites, The Lord sets before us the freedom to choose between blessings and cursings. Take the time to read Deuteronomy 28 sometime. This is the type of choice set before us as well. 

Using Our Freedom

We have the freedom choose how to live our lives. We’ve been doubly blessed with the external freedom to make it easier to bring to pass.  Now ask yourself how do you use that freedom.

Do you invest it in things of eternal value, or do you waste in on pleasure seeking?

Do you choose to keep your covenants, or to tread them under your feet?

Do you know your hobbies or your Scriptures better?

With both freedom of religion and freedom of speech how many of your friends and neighbors have you shared the gospel with?

We can fill our lives with the blessings that come from living the gospel, or we can waste it and toss those blessings away.

What will you do with your freedom?

Let Your Light Shine

In October of 1938 Germany issued an order that all Polish Jews were to be deported back to Germany within 48 hours. They were arrested, taken without being allowed any of their possessions, and shipped in trains and lorries, as well as on foot. Many elderly and infirmed did not survive the transport. The living conditions these precious people, without home or finances, endured was worse than would be afforded to animals.

Did the world respond with outrage and disgust at this? No. The apathy of the world during this horrific plight of the Jews, as well as during much of the holocaust, is something that still fills my heart with cold fear. Humans can be so inhumane.

What grabbed American headlines at this time? The panic that ensued after H.G. Wells radio broadcast of War of the Worlds.  Though Mr. Wells introduced the program as a radio dramatization of his book, most radio listeners were tuned in to a ventriloquist on NBC and had not turned on CBS until after the program was underway. Thinking the world was really under attack by Martians, panic ensued. Many jammed the highways trying to escape. People ran through the streets screaming about the end of the world. Electric companies even were reported to have cut power so the Martians couldn’t see their cities. Once Mr. Wells learned what was happening, he stopped the dramatization and reminded people that it was fiction.

Everyone was talking about the response from his radio broadcast. No one cared what was happening to tens of thousands of Jews, even after there was obvious need for humanitarian intervention. Why should we have to deal with the problems of others?

What I find interesting is that while the Americans were panicked about an imaginary attack from Martians they were completely oblivious to the real forces of darkness that were now at work around them. I’m not just talking about Nazi sympathizers either. Satan was alive and well in the 1930s (as he is today). Their world was growing darker. There were “prophets” calling out warning, such as Winston Churchill, but the British as well as the Americans were not interested in his doomsday politics.

I see the same thing today. Our headlines, as well as our citizenship, are outraged and caught up in the wrong things. We don’t see the dark veil of unrighteousness descending on our nation. We don’t pay attention to the signs that show a government ingeniously subverting and removing not only all godliness, but the rights of its citizens. We are not about to be woken from our apathy until, like the Americans in the 30s and 40s, we are personally assaulted. Why do we only care about what currently affects us?  What kind of world are we leaving for our children?

These are the thoughts that have been plaguing me. This weekend I found my first glimmer of hope. While attending a special stake conference, we were given the privilege of hearing from Elder David A. Bednar. He said we should not be frantic with worry when the world around us seems to be getting darker. That only means that our light will shine brighter.

Bear in mind, that sometimes when you shine a light in the dark people complain. They yell for you to turn it out. But, the world needs light now more than ever. What legacy do we want to leave for our children. Do we want to be known as a Neville Chamberlain who is famous for his policies of appeasement toward Hitler’s demands, or a bulldog like Winston Churchill who called for facing the giant and killing him?  Frankly, if we’d listened to Churchill in the beginning there never would have been a major Holocaust or a World War 2. If we would have stood up to Hitler the moment he broke the Treaty of Versailles, the malicious dictator would not have had a defensive leg to stand on.

It is always easier to fight an enemy before its power increases. It is imperative we let our lights shine now, while we can still hold back the growing tide of darkness. Do something to take a stand against the unrighteous and dangerous trends we are seeing swirl before our frightened eyes. It will be a whole lot easier to hold displace the dark when there are lots of lights shining. 

Why A Manger?

Hello everyone! I’ve had such a busy week. I’ve done more revisions on my novel and have officially drafted my query letter to begin sending to agents. I’ve also finished the first week of my Mosiah inductive study to send to those who’ve agreed to be in  my test group. We’ve got a good sized group so I’m excited to start getting feedback. If all goes well, I’ll have the Mosiah study completed and ready to send to anyone who wants to know their scriptures more in depth in just a few months. Plus, this morning I got to teach the last chapter in the George Albert Smith lesson book, Righteous Living in Perilous Times. What an instructive chapter.

Now onto today’s topic…..

You may not know this about me, but I love collecting both nutcrackers and nativity sets. I don’t have many, but I do love them. You may send donations to….  just kidding. 

I’ve been thinking about the nativity a lot lately. For years I thought about the injustice of the King of Kings having to be born in a stable. Imagine, a filthy manger filled with animals. Couldn’t the innkeeper have at least asked anyone if they’d be willing to give up or share their room for the woman in labor? Could not the Spirit have prompted some righteous soul to help them? Instead, he was born in the most humble of circumstances. Our humble Savior. I love Him so much.

It occurred to me last week, and I don’t know why it never had previously, that Heavenly Father arranged those circumstances intentionally. I mean, He is in charge of the universe. He could have arranged affairs to be more in Mary’s favor. Why didn’t He? Here is what I think. God loves symbolism. The temples, both ancient and modern are rife with it, as are both the ancient and modern Scriptures. So why should we not find symbolism in his birthplace?

1 Corinthians 5:7 calls the Savior our Passover. What does that mean?  In our Old Testaments we have the story of the Israelite Passover. Pharoah’s heart continued to harden and he refused to let the Israelites leave. Moses warned him that if he didn’t change his mind that God would destroy the firstborn son in every household. God is holy and compassionate and does not punish indiscriminately.  He provided a means of safety for all who feared Him. Any family that did not want to be touched by the destroying angel was to slay an unblemished male lamb and spread the blood on the doorposts of their home. When the destroying angel saw the blood he would pass over that home and the firstborn would be safe.  Many children died that night, but not in the Israelite homes. They obeyed their God and were spared.

Now, if Christ is our Passover lamb, does it not make sense that He, too, should be born in a stable. The angel told the shepherds their Savior was born that night. I think he was preparing their hearts for the fact that He would not come as a conqueror to banish the Romans, as many of the Jews hoped, but instead as a humble servant and sacrifice for our sins. So that, if we repent and put our faith and trust in Him we too shall be spared by the blood of the unblemished lamb Jesus Christ. Doctrine & Covenants puts this better than any passage I have ever found thus far. When we are standing before our God and the vileness of our sin is exposed, the Passover Lamb steps forth.

“Listen to Him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before Him—Saying: Father, behold the suffering and death of Him who did no sin, in whom Thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of Thy Son which was shed, the blood of Him whom Thou gavest that Thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto Me and have everlasting life.” D & C 45:3-5.

Do you hear the pleading of the Savior on your behalf?  Do you see the gush of His blood that was spilt for your sins? I will never look at a manger the same again.

Looking for a test group

Dear Friends,

I’ve been a member for three years now. There have been many adjustments in my life because of my conversion to Mormonism. Learning a new faith is never easy. On top of that I had to simultaneously learn and begin a career quickly in order for my family to survive financially. Going from stay at home mom to working mom, while continuing to homeschool and build my life from scratch was NOT easy. However, the hardest part for me was learning new ways to think about God, about women’s rights/roles, about how the Spirit speaks to us, and about agency. I’m still learning. Though I have much to learn, I have come quite a distance.

I also learned that not everyone who is a member can be trusted simply because they are a member and everyone thinks they’re wonderful. The upside of that is, the Spirit warned me, but I didn’t recognize it at the time. Or rather, I thought I must be wrong, because people with much more experience with the Spirit were telling me differently. I now know better. Through the grace of God,  I won’t make that mistake again. I’ve learned to recognize the Spirit’s voice better. I’ve learned to trust it over my “counselors”. I’m excited that He warned me, because now I know I’m not dependent on my own judgment when it comes to trusting people.

There are things I miss about my old life very much, like orchestra. Most of them, however, I can live without and are just preferences. Others are more significant. Some of my old friends I miss tremendously, but I’ve also learned that our Savior means it when He calls us friend (D&C 84:63). I am not alone.  In addition to making new friends, I’ve grown to love solitude. I also have learned how to draw companionship from my relationship with my Savior.

One of the things I miss the most is in-depth inductive scripture study. I came from an academic church background. Plus, I’ve always had an almost insatiable appetite to learn. I’ve searched for inductive studies that incorporate LDS scriptures and haven’t been able to find any.  I had wondered if maybe I just haven’t located them (after all, I am a newbie), but after speaking with a friend who is very familiar with the LDS publishing industry (Gary Lawrence) I realized they don’t exist. That means if I am going to get to study the latter-day Scriptures the way I have the ancient ones, I’m going to have to write it myself.

This is where you come in. I’ll need a test group. I don’t want this to be useful only to me. If you would be willing to dig into your scriptures with me and give me feedback on what I write, I would be very grateful to you. I’m sure many of you will be able to add information to it, as you’ve all been Mormon many years more than I have.

If you’re interested, here is what it would require:

1. As I write sections of the study, you will do all of the assignments and reading.

2. When you’re done, you’ll write out what was helpful and what you wish were different.

3. If you think I left something significant out, tell me.

4. Don’t pass the studies on to anyone else until I feel they are ready.

5. It will also require patience. I have four children to raise, a home to run, as well as two jobs, and book revisions to do. I may not have every installment as quickly as everyone will want.

Still interested? Just leave a comment below with your email address so I know where to send it. If you are uncomfortable leaving your email address, just comment and then email me privately. My email is sophia.kai.charis@gmail.com . The first study I will do is on the book of Mosiah.

Please note that you do NOT have to be a Latter-day to participate in this test group. Also, this group will have a limited size. There will only be so many suggestions I will be able to usefully process, so I cannot let the group get too large.

Trials versus Temptations

I have been so swamped lately. Between moving to a new home and dealing with Lyme treatments I fell quite behind both at work and at home. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, though there is still much to be done.  I have learned a lot over the last few months and kept hoping I’d have time to write some of my ideas down. Here’s my first chance.

I’ve pondered for some time the difference between the two uses of temptations in James chapter one. In the first section temptations are to be rejoiced in.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations. Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” James 1:2-4

The second section is not so fortunate.

“Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” James 1:13-15

Many scholars would interpret the first one trials and the second one temptations, though they are from the same Greek root word. Why such disparity in the two uses of the same word then?  One type brings perfection; the other brings death. The difference lies in their part of speech. The first word translated temptation is a noun. The next one is a verb.

In the first use, temptations is the noun peirasmos. Essentially, this is saying this tempation/trial/affliction is here. You didn’t necessarily do anything to get it here, but it is here none the less.  The second use of the word temptations is the verb peirazo. We cause this affliction. Our lust is living, moving, breathing. We walk right into this affliction.

Trials

Let’s look at both of them a little more closely and see how we can come out in a way that pleases our Father. The first section covers verses 2-12. James begins by telling us to rejoice in our trials. Why would we do that? Because the trying of our faith helps us toward our perfection. The word the King James translates as patience literally means to abide under. In other words, we are now able to bear up courageously.

Think of it like a quest in the ancient King Arthur’s court. The knight has to be tested. Can he uphold the standards of Camelot and be considered worthy to serve in court? He has to go through many trials to see what he can handle.  The same is happening to us during our trials.  When James talks about the “trying of your faith” he literally means the proof of it; a crucible, or test. We show our faith and what it is worth by what we are able to bear up under.

Throughout the section he gives advice on needing wisdom and dealing with the trial of riches (or lack thereof). In the end, if we pass the test, we are rewarded with the crown of life (vs. 12). I love the description of the recipients. It says the Lord gives it to those who love Him. What we are demonstrating when we courageously bear up under trials is that we love our Savior. Not only do we love Him, but we trust Him enough to go through anything He sees fit to bring into our lives.  That is something to rejoice in.

Next the mood turns darker….

Temptations

The next section begins in verse 13. James wants us to know from the beginning that this type of temptation does not come from God. Here we are entrapped by the own lusts we’ve allowed to live in our hearts. What do we desire? Now certain desires in and of themselves are not wrong. It is what you do with them that becomes the sin. A fleeting attraction doesn’t matter unless you feed it by dwelling on it. That is what stirs it up to a covetous nature. Then that lust is conceived when action follows. The conception gives birth to sin. Once sin is allowed to grow and mature, it becomes death.

The word translated conceive literally means to take with. It is often used in the sense of taking a prisoner. That is exactly what sin does to us. It takes us prisoner and cheats us out of the life we were intended to live.

Honestly, wouldn’t you rather deal with the trials than the temptations? Now I realize we all have weaknesses. In fact, God intended it that way. However, we’re not bound by our natural desires. Those become temptations when we do something to make it that way, or don’t do something to kill it. Yet, even then there is hope. It doesn’t have to become a pattern.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Ether 12:27

On Thanksgiving and Crowns

I am an emotional bulimic. I either keep everything in or I purge uncontrollably. Years ago, a close friend said I reminded her of Elinor in Sense and Sensibility. She had not read the book, but was referring to the Emma Thompson movie version. Elinor does such a great job maintaining proper distance, dignity, and decorum throughout all her internal heartbreak, but the moment she finds out Edward is not engaged she completely falls apart.

I’m working on finding a balance so I don’t continue to do the same. I’m great through trials, some heart rending and on such a level as to be emotionally crippling.  Throughout I remain steady. Then, something minor will happen and, for some unexplainable reason, I fall completely apart. I think a habit of consistently, yet gently, letting thoughts and emotions out, as if through a sifter I will be less in danger of having occasional waterfalls.

Between my illness and moving to a new home I have had very little time to blog, or to do as much writing as I would like. In fact, I keep receiving emails from lovely people I’ve never met asking me when my next article in Meridian will appear. I have responded soon, but haven’t written soon.  So, if I am going to be a person of my word, I must work in the time. Writing is one of the ways I provide for my family, so you’d think it would be a priority. However, any writing I do for the church is done without financial remuneration. So, generally when I have a moment to write it is geared toward venues where I earn income. Not out of greediness, but wisdom in caring for our obligations and the use of my time. I’m not making an excuse, just an explanation.

Before any article writing however, I wanted to share something on a more personal level.

Thank you for…

I am exceedingly thankful to my Heavenly Father for the manifold blessings He has consistently bestowed upon me. I want to make sure I express it. For, I have a tendency to feel great gratitude in my heart, but it seems to stay there without vocalization, which could come across as unthankful. One of the items I am most grateful for is our new home. It is the nicest place in which I have ever had the privilege to occupy. Most of my homes in the past have been disappointing. In fact, when my husband (at the time) signed the lease on our last home, I cried a little.

It was necessary for us to move. At the time we were living in an 800 square foot home with three children, one of  whom had to sleep in the living room due to lack of space. Plus, our landlord had sold the duplex and the new owners didn’t like how many children we had.  The new lease had a clause in it that we couldn’t have any more children. There was no way we could sign that! Yet, there was something about the new house which didn’t sit right with me. I was uncomfortable with the move and didn’t think I’d feel safe in the area. Hence the tears.

My new home is different. Though many people feel southwest Little Rock is unsafe, we are in a quiet tucked away neighborhood in which I feel completely peaceful. On top of all that we have much more space than we’ve ever had in our lifetimes AND, like a cherry on top, the home is beautiful.  My landlords (who happen also to be friends of mine) went through great trouble and expense to refinish the hardwoods and re-carpet the bedrooms before we moved in. Never have I gotten to call something so lovely, mine. I’m thrilled with my new home.

I’m grateful to my Heavenly Father for being indulgent with me.  I’m also grateful He provided such wonderful friends to my family in the Nance’s, and that they would even consider us as occupants, while making the rent affordable. Every day I wake up and cannot believe such a beautiful place is mine to live in. I feel like I’m in a fairy tale.

The blessings haven’t stopped there. My illness has been difficult. The pain has been a problem, but in the last few months especially I have days where I cannot stop vomiting. You may think it strange that this is being mentioned in my list of gratitude. However, it has made me very grateful for endurance. Many people being treated for this same ailment are not faring as well as I am. I hear horror stories all the time from people I know who are also undergoing these treatments. They cannot work. They need people to come and help them with their children. They’re on disability and have home health nurses to help care for them. Yet for me it has been different.

For the most part, we are living normally. I’ve continued to work. I’ve continued to raise and school the children. I don’t feel well and there are days where normal functioning is a challenge, but even on the vomity days my responsibilities are getting done. I am so grateful for this.  Endurance is a real blessing.

Crowns

Last night I was reading about endurance in the book of James. “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to those that love Him.” James 1:12

The word for endureth is the Greek hupomeno.  It literally means to remain under. In other words it means to remain in place and not flee from the trial. It means not to give up. The word for tried is dokimos. It means accepted, pleasing, acceptable.

When we accept the trials the Lord brings into our lives and get through them righteously, we are pleasing to God. As if that weren’t enough of a reward, we receive  a crown.  In this case the crown of life. There are other crowns mentioned in Scripture. If you want to do a quick study, you might read 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, 1 Thessalonians 2:19-20, 2 Timothy 4:8,  1 Peter 5:4, and Revelation 2:10; 3:11; 4:10-11. This list is by no means exhaustive, just the ones I went through last night.

The last verse is my favorite. The apostles offered their crowns to the Savior by placing them at his feet as He sat at His throne. The idea of earning crowns in order to give them to the Savior is very exciting to me. You might think me strange, but I guess you’d have to see love the same way I do.

I love my Savior because He loves me. I’m so grateful to Him for His love of me. Unconditional, undeserved, unpretended. (Yes, I know that is not a real word). It means He never pretends He loves me just to get something out of me. His love is sincere and without lust. I can trust Him. That is such a rare gift, and one I will not throw away. When I love someone, I desire to give myself to them completely, to serve them wholeheartedly. That is how I feel about my Savior. To be honest, any crown I earn isn’t truly mine anyway. I couldn’t have attained it without His atonement and grace. I am not who I am without Him. The crowns are His. He earned them.

What about you? I’m sure you have much to be thankful for. Have you remembered to share your gratitude with your Heavenly Father? If not (and we’ve all done it), take the time to do so now. Don’t just thank Him privately. Thank Him publicly.  He deserves the praise.

Yielded Up Their Bodies

I am sitting on my bed with fresh clean sheets. I love clean sheets. My wonderful children are at their dad’s house, which means I will have this entire bed to myself tonight. Though, I don’t feel like sleeping. I’ve been in a lot of pain today, but I took a TON of my painkillers and I was able to not only function, but get some really important things done.  I just couldn’t bear wasting an alone day. I can’t take that many painkillers two days in a row, so I’m determined to get as much done today as possible, because tomorrow I am probably going to feel like dying. Life with Lyme….it’s better than no life at all.

I wanted to share something I recently taught the children during our family scripture time. I’m taking the children through the book of Daniel. Yes, again. I really treasure that book. I always wanted to name one of my boys Daniel, but kept naming them after people we cared about that didn’t have children of their own. If I’m ever blessed enough to remarry and have another child, the boy will be Daniel!

The passage I want to write about is in chapter three, so I’ll need to do a quick overview of the first two chapters to put it in context. Maybe I’ll get to do some real posts about the first two chapters, because there is so much rich application in them. For now, here’s the speed version.

Chapter One

The year is around 605 BC. (give or take a year). Israel had been quite naughty for some time. God had patiently and, at times, sternly warned them through many prophets. If they didn’t repent, He would send the Babylonians to discipline them. The Babylonians—a fierce nation, whose very name caused other lands to tremble. Nebuchadnezzar, their king, was a ruthless man. He loved ripping people to pieces, sometimes literally. One of his punishments was to pull two trees into a bent position, tie one of the prisoner’s limbs to each tree and then cut the tension ropes, allowing the trees to snap back into their position, while ripping the prisoner’s body in half. Nice man.

You’d think knowing the Babylonian reputation the people would heed the prophets and repent, but there were also false prophets who kept reassuring the Israelis that there would be peace and the other prophets were just hate-mongers. Persecution of true prophets was rampant. Sound familiar?

Well, the word of God was fulfilled and Babylon came and besieged Israel in three stages. In the first stage Daniel was taken captive to serve in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court along with three of his friends: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. They are more commonly known by the names Nebuchadnezzar gave them: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. Daniel was about 14 or 15 years old at the time of his capture. The young men underwent three years of training and indoctrination and then were placed in the king’s service.

Chapter Two

Nebuchadnezzar (called Nebby at our house) had a dream that worried him. He wanted his wise men to interpret the dream for him, but he was sure they would just make up an interpretation to appease him. To avoid that problem, Nebby decided to make the wise men tell him what his dream was before they interpreted it, that way he could know they really had the power to help him. The wise men were flabbergasted. No king had ever required that before. It was downright impossible to do. Well, Nebby wasn’t too happy with that answer, so he sentenced all his servants to death.

Daniel, however, had a plan.  He sought favor from God to know the dream and its interpretation, which God granted him. Then he was hurriedly brought before the King. In humility and with great courage he told Nebuchadnezzar that no man is able to do what the King has requested, but there is a God in Heaven that speaks to men and He has let Daniel know the dream and its interpretation.

Basically there was a statue whose head was made of gold, its breast and arms of silver, its belly and thighs of brass, its legs of iron, and its feet was made partly of iron and partly of clay. Each of the parts of the statue represented a different kingdom. Nebuchadnezzar (representing the Babylonian Kingdom) was the head of gold. After him would come other kingdoms. But, then there was a stone. Oh! This stone is so important, I wish I could spend a post just on it! It was cut without hands and destroyed the statue in one fell swoop, then set up a kingdom that would last for eternity. God gave Nebuchadnezzar the dream to give him a glimpse of the future.

Our destination

Now we’ve arrived to the part I’ve been pondering. In chapter three Nebby builds a huge statue. This one, however, doesn’t just have a head of gold. The entire 90 ft. statue is made of gold from head to toe. It is as if Nebuchadnezzar was standing with his fist to the heaven’s saying, “My kingdom will NOT end no matter what you say.” Just to add more unrighteousness to his folly, he required everyone to bow down and worship the statue when they hear music play. The penalty for refusing is death.

Most of us know how this story goes. Daniel’s three friends (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego) were at the dedication of the statue. However, when the music played they refused to bow. Jealous co-workers reported them to the king. Now is when it really gets interesting. Nebuchadnezzar decided to give them a rare second chance. He said they would play the music again. If they bowed great. If they didn’t… “ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning fiery furnace; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” Daniel 3:15b

These three amazing young men didn’t even blink. Here is their response to the King:

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O King. But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” vs. 15-18

The King was beyond angry. The scriptures tell us that even his visage contorted with rage. He ordered the furnace heated seven times greater than normal and had the three young men bound and tossed into the flames. The intensity of the heat was so powerful that the soldiers ordered to carry them to the furnace perished.

Instantly, Nebuchadnezzar was on his feet in astonishment. He saw was four men walking freely in the furnace. He called them to come out of the furnace. The King and his court were amazed. Not only were the men unharmed by the flames, but neither their hair nor clothing was singed. They didn’t even have the smell of fire on them.

Here is part of the King’s response:

“Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, who hath sent His angel, and delivered His servants that trusted in Him, and have changed the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God. Therefore I make a decree, that every people, nation, and language, which speak any thing amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, shall be cut in pieces…”

When these young men committed their lives to serving God, they did not insert qualifiers. They belonged to God, body and soul. Whatever He did with them was up to Him. We are called to make that same commitment, and like these blessed Israelites we are to yield up our bodies as well. How do we do that?

It’s not just the BIG things like sacrificing our lives for the gospel. First, it is simply obeying the things we already know to do. Keep our baptismal covenants. How that is lived out daily is different for each of us. I had to give up a lot to get baptized. The life I am left with is aging me much more quickly than I would have if I had remained at my old church. I’m plain tired and worn out, but I don’t regret it for one moment. Beauty means less to me than righteousness.

Yielding our bodies also means how we fulfill our desires. Do we keep the law of chastity? I’m 43 years old and single. I am not and will not be in a sexual relationship with a man until I am married. Is that always easy? Not really. I often get offers for “entertainment” at one of my jobs. Men invite me out. But, they are not the type of men I would spend an eternity with, so I decline. Periodically, someone tells me I should go out with them just to have some fun. You know, live a little.  It doesn’t have to be serious- they say. I think that is a stupid idea. What kind of fun can I really have with them? Men of that type are not going to be content with dinner and conversation. That is all I have to offer.

Yielding our bodies also means doing our best at every responsibility God has called us to. My primary responsibility is to be my children’s mother. I’m in the unenviable position of having to be father also, but mother is my first role. I take it very seriously. Don’t survive your parenting. Be purposeful in it. Make sure you can give a righteous account of the stewardship you were offered of your children. I have other responsibilities too. I’m an employee, which means I am to do my job with excellence and integrity. I also have a home to run. I want to do it in a way which honors and reflects well upon the glory of my Father in heaven.

I want you to reflect upon what yielding up your body means for you in the life God has called you to. Are you doing it well? Are there areas you want to improve? Maybe there is an area that needs to change all together.

In a later chapter of Daniel, he is promoted to second in command of the kingdom. Jealous men tried to find an area of neglect and couldn’t. Daniel fulfilled EVERY responsibility with diligence and excellence. I wish I could say there are no areas of neglect in my life. Just one look at my laundry basket will tell you there is. However, I am striving toward excellence. Hopefully, as I learn to yield more and more, I will give glory to Him in everything I do. Even if I never quite make it in this lifetime, it is a worthy goal in which to pour out my life.

Dealing with Wrongs

One of my favorite Christian thinkers is C. S. Lewis. I wish I could have been present at the Eagle and Child when he and Tolkien sat around discussing their writings, sharpening one another’s skills. I long for someone of his intellect to sharpen my own with, but alas, I must content myself with his writings…..

I recently read an essay an essay he wrote extrapolating two views on judgment in the Scriptures: the Hebrew view and the Christian view. I was glad to see he later pointed out they are both present in one another. It would be too simplistic to divide them. Plus, if our God really is the same yesterday, today, and forever (which we know Him to be) than there must be some homogeny between the two.

The Christian view was said to be one of dread. After all, we have the parable of the sheep and the goats, and the judgment seat of Christ. Protestantism also has sermons like Jonathon Edwards’ Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. When Mr. Edwards read his sermon to his church, the congregants were clinging to the columns of the building for fear of falling into the flames of hell on the spot. I myself sometimes tremble when I read Scriptures that teach that we will even be held to account for every thoughtless word uttered. Can you think of any thoughtless words uttered you’d like to take back? I can and am ashamed by them.

The Hebrew view, however, is said to be one of rejoicing. God is the Righteous Judge who will avenge all the wrongs. They look forward to His judgment. “O Let the nations be glad and sing for joy: for thou shalt judge…” Psa. 67:4 As Lewis pointed out, judgment is great if you are the plaintiff and not the one “in the dock”.

The reason judgment is accurately portrayed as something we should both dread and rejoice in, is because we are consistently in need of both. I have often said that what we humans really want is justice for ourselves, but mercy from others. Though, it really should be the other way around. We have all done things, often inadvertently, that harmed others. On the flip side, we have all experienced wrongs done to us. Some wrongs, like a scraped arm, are easy to overlook. Other’s leave gaping wounds that need attending to or we could perish.

The Scriptures are clear in what to do on both sides of judgment. If  you’ve sinned against God, repent. If you’ve sinned against man, repent and make it right. If you’ve lied about someone, correct the lie. If you’ve stolen, pay restitution. Sometimes you need your bishop to step in and help with this, if the issues are serious enough. Other times they can be dealt with between one another. However, human help sometimes fails. So, what do you do then?

I once sat in the car of a woman who was in distress and needed an ear. After we talked about her current situation, I told her she should go to her bishop. This was serious and needed more authoritative ears than mine. She began crying and told me stories of former bishops she’d had dealings with that handled things….well, badly, is the only word I can come up with, and she was afraid to go to her bishop now for fear of the same thing happening. My heart ached for her. Her testimony was shaky because of those previous instances. She wondered how the gospel could be true if those bishops didn’t hear the Spirit correctly and know who was lying in her situation. After all, don’t they receive a special endowment of the Spirit to be the judge in Israel?

While it is true they are set apart for their position, it is naïve and, I will add, unfair, to think they will do their job perfectly. After all, I am set apart for my callings at church. Does that mean I will never miss a beat while conducting music, or that I will always have an answer when someone asks a tricky question during one of the times I’m teaching? Absolutely not. I’m human, and I suspect everyone around me knows it very well. So, are bishops. They will make mistakes, so don’t judge them too harshly. It is a fallen world and none of us are immune.

The problem is, we have to live in this fallen world. What if you are the one with a gaping wound and everywhere you turn there is no help? I think that is how the woman who spoke to me felt. I have had some gaping wounds myself. This last year I have run many times to my Jehovah-rapha, the God who heals. A wrong had left me feeling like someone had ripped out all the essential parts I needed to live. I no longer trusted anyone. But, I’m not the kind of person who wants to live like that. I want to love people, to serve them, to communicate with them thoughts and ideas. So, I went to my Father in Heaven and asked Him what to do.

He took me to His Son. The Savior, who had lived His life in service to His people. Think how many weary days He spent teaching and healing them. Then, when they were there for so long that they ran out of food, he miraculously fed them all too. He gave away many of His nights too. They ate up His service, following Him everywhere. Everything He offered they took. For a while they adulated him, even laying palms at his feet as He rode into Jerusalem. Then, just a few days later, these same crowds cried, “Crucify Him!”

They abandoned him to the Roman barbarity guised as justice, called Him a heretic, and allowed Him to be executed. Even those friends who were closest to Him abandoned Him. The horrible agony He felt at His crucifixion must have been intensified by the emotional pain He felt being alone. Then, when things could get no worse, even His Father in Heaven had to leave Him briefly, something neither you nor I will ever experience. 

There have been times in my life, weary and wounded I have knelt in prayer, and felt His hand on my shoulder saying, “I understand.” Normally when people say that, they don’t. But He does. Yet, He came out whole and righteous, still able to love and serve His Father. How did He do it? The first epistle of Peter tells us how:

“For even hereunto were ye called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in His mouth;

Who, when He was reviled, reviled not again; when He suffered, He threatened not; but committed Himself to Him that judgeth righteously;”  I Peter 2:21-23.

There is that Hebrew sense of judgment again. There is a judge in Israel who does not err. When you deal with the wounds of others righteously, it makes you more like Christ. You come out as a shining star leading others on a path of righteousness. You can do that, because you know there is a God who will one day right all the wrongs.

I’ve spoken the above passage to people many times. Once a woman said, “Good. I hope he never repents now and gets a taste of what he did to me at the judgment.” I don’t agree with that line of thinking. It wasn’t Christ’s thinking. He wanted them to repent. Even in the midst of His suffering He asked His Father to forgive them. We should too. Pray for those who’ve wronged you. I try to diligently pray for those who’ve harmed me, though not always as graciously as I could. Fortunately, He pricks my heart when I’m feeling callous. One day, if they repent, we can sit down in heaven together. Hopefully they’ll repent quickly and I can trust them even sooner and even sit down on earth with them-with all wrongs put aside.

The Beauty of Trials

Each of us has at some point in our lives endured a painful experience.  The last five years of my life have been especially difficult. In fact, I feel like I’ve aged more in these last five years than I have in all my other years cumulatively. There have been frightening moments when I concluded that the only solution was  for me to leave this earth.

I have a vivid memory of contacting Dr. Bell, who is both a friend mine and an employer (as well as a doctor) and telling him I was concerned that I needed to be put on some kind of anti-depressant medication. I had been devoting an increasing amount of my time giving thought to suicide. There were moments that it seemed like the only sane solution. I’d even formulated a plan. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to realize how selfish I was being. I have children, which denies me the right to only think of myself.   My reason for contacting Dr. Bell was the fear that one night I would struggle so much that rational thoughts wouldn’t intervene.

I didn’t like the idea of anti-depressants, but thought it might be a good preventative measure for me. I was afraid something was wrong with me emotionally. He listened carefully to everything I had to say before replying. He then said that given everything I was going through in my life, he would be more concerned about my emotional well-being if I did not have those kind of thoughts. The fact that I was struggling showed that I was dealing with the issues and had not checked out. He also felt confident there would not be a moment in my life where I didn’t think of the children. Therefore, he concluded the anti-depressants were unnecessary in my case.

Fortunately, he was right. Though I’ve had many more painful, heart breaking days than encouraging ones, I’ve managed to live through them all and even become stronger as a result. So why am I bringing this up in a post entitled the Beauty of Trials? Because I want you to know, before I tell you how wonderful they are, that I have been there. I understand what it is to feel so trapped by your trials you’re confident the only way to end the pain is to die. I know what it is like to be so disillusioned with humanity you think there is not a truly reputable person on the planet. In fact,  around a year and a half ago I went through such a heart-rending experience that was not only unrighteous, but callously cold and calculated with someone I loved and trusted, and was supposedly above reproach,  that I was sure I would NEVER trust another living soul again. There are very few things anyone could have done that would have ripped me to shreds more than this “friend” did. Please believe me when I tell you I understand.

Yet, throughout all the anguish, I have learned that every life experience, both good and bad, my Father in Heaven has used to make something more precious than gold. I hope I can communicate it well enough. In a recent study I’ve been doing on the New Testament book of James, the topic of trials marched out front and center. You’ve probably read the passage a dozen times, as I have, in the past. It wasn’t until last night when asking the Lord to open its meaning to me while I dug deeper, with word studies and cross references, that I began to mine just some of its beauty. There is even more that I have to learn, but I am on my way. Maybe you’re quicker than I am and have already plunged the depths of its meaning, if so, bear with me as I get to share my joy in learning. The passage says:

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations, knowing that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” ~James 1:2-4”

We all know that trials make us stronger. But there is so much more to it than that. The first thing I did was look at the original meaning of the words and not just the current translation I had. Be patient with me as I give some definitions and take the verses apart phrase by phrase.

….count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations….

Divers- Those used to King James English may already know that this word means varied, but I “grew up” with the NASB translation, so I needed a refresher.

The next word, temptations, takes on a much deeper meaning in its original vocabulary. It is the Greek word Peirasmos, which means a trial or test divinely permitted with a beneficial purpose and effect.

Now we are getting somewhere. These aren’t just temptations, especially since elsewhere in scripture it explicitly says God does not tempt anyone. These are tests specifically allowed into our lives for a purpose.

I want you right now to think about a trial you are currently facing. Now remember that this was sent to you for a beneficial purpose. We’ll find out what specifically in a moment. But, doesn’t it take at least a teeny tiny portion of the burden off your shoulders knowing there is a specific reason this is in your life?

…knowing that the trying of your faith worketh patience…

Trying- This Greek word, dokimion, means a crucible or test. In the context it means a means by which our faith is proven. Not as in, “we’ll see if your faith is real” kind of proof, although it certainly can give you an indicator of that. This is more of a purifying kind of proof, the way gold is purified in the fire.

Patience-  A literal translation of this word, hupomone, means “abiding under”, the flavor of what it means is to bear up or endure courageously.

…that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing…

Perfect- Teleios means having reached its end, complete, fully grown and mature.

Entire- holokleros means sound in every part, complete, whole.

What God is trying to tell us is that He allows these trials into our lives to make us completely ready for exaltation. They are designed to make us more like our Savior! As I was doing some cross-referencing, I came across a similar passage that has the same meaning but in slightly different terminology.

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold  that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ….receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.” ~ First Peter 1:6-7,9

Though I think we know instinctively that there is some heavenly purpose for all we go through, it is amazingly joyful when you think it through. Why can I count trials a joy? Because they are the building blocks to spiritual completion. This isn’t an instantaneous result. That tiny word in the beginning of James 1:4 “let” qualifies the whole thing. We have to allow the trials to perfect the maturing of our faith. How does that happen? I believe it is in our response to our trials.

Sitting down, or better yet kneeling down, and asking our Father in Heaven what we are to learn through this is always helpful. It is that quiet submission that we read about in Mosiah 3:19.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticing of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek humble patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

Even if we are submissive and realize the truly eternal benefits of what we’re living through, I don’t believe that “count it all joy” means we will not feel the sadness and weight of what we are having to endure. Instead, it means that underneath it all we can have the quiet assurance and confidence that we are becoming like God as a result. You name any trial I have endured and I can tell you at least one (but often several) spiritual benefits and growth I have received as a result.

Oh! How frustrated I am that I am not communicating the beauty of this Scripture well enough. I’m just not doing it justice. What I request that you do is to open your scriptures to this passage in James and ask the  Holy Spirit to make known to you the riches, depth, and beauty of what the apostle is communicating the to Israelites who’d been scattered abroad from persecution. I pray that the Spirit will give you a glimpse of your future glory that is a direct result of your present pain if you respond to it in righteousness.

Your trials aren’t for naught. They are beautiful.

The Trinity

by Annmarie Worthington

Recently, one of my favorite homeschool companies came out publicly stating that Mitt Romney should not be elected because he is accursed by God. This was based on the fact that he belongs to a church that does not hold to the traditional (and in their minds, Biblical) view of the trinity, and therefore is a member of a cult.
Now, I don’t care who you vote for (well….maybe I do, but I will allow you agency to choose for yourselves), however, I do hope you’ll take the election seriously, both thoughtfully and prayerfully choosing your preferred candidate. However, I want to address the idea that Mormonism does not hold to the Biblical view of the Trinity.
Many evangelical churches teach that not holding the traditional Trinitarian view is one of the key warning signs a group is a cult to be considered heretical, and therefore accursed. Now, if you’ve read my conversion story you know that I did not enter this church easily or lightly. I studied diligently for three years before joining at great sacrifice to my personal and emotional life. The Latter-Day Saint view of the Trinity was one of the first things I addressed with the ever patient missionaries.
In modern protestant thought, God the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are believed to be one in substance and being. Anything else is considered a heresy. Many protestants don’t realize this view wasn’t officially adopted until the Nicene Creed, around A.D. 325. Those that do, believe the creed saved the church from a developing heresy. I want to examine that line of thought to see if it is the Scriptural view. I don’t want my theology to be given to me by the popular vote of bishops in the fourth century. Instead, I want to examine carefully, to make sure my beliefs are in line with what my Father in Heaven really taught.  After all, the Savior Himself said, “….this is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom Thou hast sent.” John 17:3.
In order to have eternal life, we must know God correctly. It is easy to call something heretical without taking the time to carefully examine the issue. Good people, committed to their faiths, have been doing that for centuries. Who was it that called the Savior Jesus Christ a heretic? Was it the riotous rabble who wanted to rule their own lives? Was it the quiet peaceful citizens of Jerusalem just trying to keep their head down and survive the Roman occupation? Sometimes. But the ones who were most adamantly opposed to the “heretic” Jesus Christ were the religious leaders. It was the ones trained in the Scriptures that seemed to know them the least. So, please read this with an open mind. Pray. Ask God in Heaven to help you know what is true.
If I’m writing something that isn’t true, I beg God in Heaven to help me know that. My goal is to love and serve God as He desires, not as I desire.  It is my prayer that the same is true of you. With that in mind, let’s see what the Bible says about the Trinity.
There are two issues addressed by the Nicene Creed that I call into question. The first is the issue of plurality. Is God is one or three? The second is whether He is immaterial.  I’ll only address the first one today.

One or Three?

In John 10:30 our Savior makes a remarkable statement: “I and My Father are one.”  Well, there you go. He’s answered it. No need to look any further, right? They are one. But was that meant as a  literal number of persons, or as an illustration of who They are and how They work with one another? I believe it is the latter.
Also, in the Book of John, Jesus calls Himself “the vine”. No one questions the use of allegory in that passage. We know He is not literally calling Himself a vine. Instead, it is a word picture designed to help us understand part of His function in our lives. I believe the John passage about them being one is illustrative as well. Why? Well, let’s look at the Scriptural evidence, beginning in Genesis.

“In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the earth.” Genesis 1:1

The Hebrew word for God in this passage is Elohim. ‘El’ means ‘mighty, strong’.  It is often used in reference to any God, not just the God of Heaven. Things get interesting in the ‘him’ ending. ‘Him’ is plural. This seems to indicate more than one ‘mighty, strong’ being. Genesis says it directly just a few verses later.

“Let Us make man in Our image.” Genesis 1:26, emphasis added.

He doesn’t say, Let me make man, but us. There is more than one. If that is the case and they really are separate, they would relate to one another as separate individuals, rather than one being throughout the Scriptures.
We see that very clearly in the way Jesus the Christ prayed to and spoke of His Father in heaven. Even the fact that He prayed shows they are not one substance. If so, He would be having more of an internal dialogue, just as we do when trying to work out a problem. Instead, His was real prayer. Sometimes pleading as He did in the garden,

“And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:” Matthew 26:39

Other times in intercession for those He loved.

“But I have prayed for thee [Peter], that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” Luke 22:32.

Ask yourself, why was He praying to begin with?  If they are one in substance and being there would be no need for Him to pray. He wasn’t doing it just to give an example to the rest of us, because He would most often go off alone to pray. He was praying because He needed to communicate with His Father.

The testimony of Jesus

   To me, however, the most important evidence comes from the words of the Savior Himself. What did He have to say about the relationship between He and His Father?

“My Father is greater than I” John 14:28

and

“I seek not Mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.” John 5:30

There are many, many other passages I could write, but this post has to end sometime. I think these Scriptures clearly show they are distinct beings. However, we cannot ignore the John 10:30 passage where Jesus states they are one. What does He mean by that? Fortunately, the Scriptures have a great way of interpreting themselves. One of my favorite passages is of Jesus’s High Priestly Prayer in John 17. His time on earth was coming to a close. He was about to endure some of the most horrific agony anyone could experience. So He set Himself apart and prayed for us. Look carefully at verse 22.

“…that they may be one, even as we are one:” John 17:22, emphasis added.

It does not make sense that He would pray that we would become melded into one being. In this prayer He was praying for our unity. He wanted us to be one in purpose, just as He and His Father are one. Like-mindedness-- that is how they are one.

I wanted to write the many quotes of the ante-Nicene leaders, those who were closest to the time of Christ and the teachings of the original twelve apostles, such as Justin Martyr and Tertullian. However, I intentionally limited myself to the words of the Old and New Testament, because I realize those are the words that will hold validity with the evangelical community.

I hope this came across in the spirit intended. I know what a struggle it was for me to re-examine my belief system while I was studying Mormonism. All I ask is that you come at it with an open heart and mind. Maybe one day the Savior’s prayer will come to fruition and we will all be one as He and His Father are.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Where have I been?

I haven’t blogged in quite some time. Have you wondered what I’ve been doing? I have been dealing with Lyme disease. This is one of those cases where the treatment is, for a time, worse than the cure. I’ve been in loads of pain. Though people who’ve known about my diagnosis have commented that I have the worst luck, I don’t agree. It has truly been a blessing for me. Here’s why…

Sixteen years ago my body went haywire. I was pregnant with my first child. In my first trimester I gained four pounds. My second trimester was about the same. My third trimester I gained around 30 pounds. I couldn’t understand how, because I was too tired to even think about eating. I attributed it to one of the trials of pregnancy and felt it would end when I had my beloved child. However, labor came and went and I felt worse than before. Six months later, I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.

Two surgeries and some radiation later, they said life would be semi-normal as long as I took my thyroid medicine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. The medicine just didn’t work well for me. They’ve tried lots of different doses and switched me from generic to name brand, but nothing seemed to help. Eventually they put me on two different types of thyroid medications.  More endocrine problems ensued—not just with my thyroid. It seemed like all the doctors could do was give me more and more medications to do what my body should be doing on its own, yet my health was getting worse. No one could figure out what was wrong with my body and why it didn’t respond to medications--until recently.

A few months ago I was having a lot more trouble with pain than I normally do. Plus, I was even more exhausted than ususal. I asked my home teacher for a blessing. In it he said my doctor would find out what was wrong with me and would be able to treat it. After 15 years of doctors playing guinea pig on me that sounded like music to my ears.  I saved up enough money to go to the doctor in anticipation of the fulfillment of my priesthood blessing.

The morning of my appointment, I got down on my knees and reminded Heavenly Father of His promise. We weren’t five minutes into my visit with my doctor when he said, “Annmarie, you’re going to think I’m insane, but I think you have Lyme disease. Not only that, but I think you’ve had it for years. I truly believe that this has been what has caused all your endocrine problems. I wouldn’t be surprised if it is what caused your thyroid cancer.”

I didn’t think he was crazy. Not because I understood the science behind any of it, but because all that was ringing through my head was my priesthood blessing. I trust my doctor, but I really trust my Heavenly Father.

He drew some blood and two weeks later he called me in for the results. I had a very high positive and all three anti-bodies, which surprised even my sweet doctor. The treatment is three different types of strong antibiotics for about a year.  He warned me that the treatments were hard and told me that I would get worse before I got better. He was right. I’ve been in more pain, I’m even more tired, I keep getting fevers, my stomach hurts all the time, and my muscles have been both spasming and locking up.

However, I am much luckier than his other patient with Lyme. He told me one of his patients has been having seizures and even had to have a feeding tube put in. I am truly blessed. Plus, with the amount of pain I’ve been in, Heavenly Father has been very merciful and has given me the grace to fulfill my responsibilities. I’m not really missing much work. I’m still able to care for my children. Not many people in my situation are as fortunate. Plus, finally after all these years I have hope.

In the meantime, life goes on. My children are growing so fast. Sarah was baptized. Rachel has started Young Womens, Dillon got his patriarchal blessing, and Neil starts kindergarten in the fall.

There has been progress in my life too. I’m 3/4 of the way through the revisions of my first novel. Plus, I’ve been learning SO much in my Scriptures. I’ve got a list of things I’m learning in the books of Mosiah and the Doctrine and Covenants that I can’t wait to share with you. Now that I’ve gotten a kind of schedule down with my treatments and keeping up with the house (sort of), I’ll be blogging again.

I wouldn’t mind your prayers over the next few months, not only for my healing, but for my first novel. I want to do a good job on it. I want it to bring enjoyment to the 10 and up crowd, but I also want it to give them a desire to be better people. Well, that is it for today. Look back toward the middle of next week for articles on what I’ve been learning.