I read the most encouraging verse last night. I have been struggling with quite a few emotions over the last couple of weeks. I’ve run into some people from my old church, and though one of them was polite, many have been….I guess the closest word I can come up with is “frustrating”. Compound that with the multitude of nasty rumors I’ve heard recently and I had kind of had it. The funniest one was to hear that I was married to a man that I had left my husband for. Apparently the whole Mormon thing was just a cover. Oh..and my new husband is quite wealthy so the children and I have a very posh life right now. People puzzle me.
So, I was dealing with that, as well as other liars, which left me feeling quite alone. I have no way of correcting the lies, which is quite a helpless feeling, actually, especially when you feel alone. I don’t really have many close friends yet. Starting over isn’t easy, especially when you’re not just starting over socially, but fiscally and theologically as well. Developing real friendships is hard, mostly because it takes a lot of time and I’m a little short on that commodity. Plus, I’m more hesitant to trust than I used to be. I’ll always have my dear friend Vicki, whom I treasure and feel certain I can trust, but we live a distance apart.
Last night I was exhausted. I was trying to get ready for my daughter’s birthday party (cake, crafts, house cleaning, etc.), I had to work, people kept needing things, children were fighting, and I could literally feel myself falling behind. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with the tasks before me I get lonely. I decided my best course of action was to take some extra time to read more Scriptures. I was so glad I did. I came across this passage:
“But behold, verily, verily, I say unto you that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst…..” D & C 38:7
I had the most overwhelming feeling of love, and the sudden feeling that the Savior was right beside me. Not only that, but He was letting me know that He knew what I was going through. It gave me the impression that He knows and understands what I’m feeling. I’m not really alone. It was a remarkable feeling. I’ve often felt like the Savior was aware of me and my circumstances, and that He had compassion. Last night, however, I felt like he was literally beside me. It is not a feeling I will easily forget.
We really are a blessed people. Not only do we have a Heavenly Father who loves us enough to give His only begotten Son for our atonement, but that Son (our brother) comes alongside us even after His remarkable sacrifice, to be a support.
I knew girls growing up who had really great brothers. Brothers who loved them and looked after them. Brothers who enjoyed them and liked spending time with them. They were companion and protector simultaneously. I was jealous of those girls. Now I realize I am one of them. And so are you.
Our Brother and Savior knows us. He is in our midst. What a precious gift! To me, one of the best parts is that He is an honest Brother and Friend. He won’t tell us what we want to hear for personal gain, or to get something out of us. He tells us the truth. If we need and deserve encouragement, He’ll give it. But, if we need correcting He does that too. It’s not hard accepting His criticism, because we know it is done in real love. He has the right to correct.
I don’t know how I can feel discouraged with knowledge of such a Friend. I am truly blessed. Even as I type this, I realize in reality I will still have days I don’t remember this at all and get discouraged again. Hopefully typing it out will help solidify it in my mind. We’ll see. At least for now I remember I have a Savior who is the best big brother one could ever hope for.