Taking Care of Souls-The mission of Motherhood

 

By Annmarie Worthington

Some of my precious souls having fun.

When a bishop in the novel Les Miserables was warned that by traveling to visit an isolated part of his flock he would be taking his life in his hands, he had the most delightful response. “I’m not in this world to take care of my life. I’m here to take care of souls.” I think this should be the battle call of every mother. We have been given a beautiful responsibility and privilege that goes far beyond anything the world calls important. If we could but catch a small glimpse of the vast importance of our job as mothers I really believe it would change the way we go about our lives.

Think about Heavenly Father taking one of His precious spirit children. He’s about to send them away into a world where they will forget most of what they knew in their pre-mortal existence. A world fraught with danger and temptation. A world where Lucifer, who hates both Him and His children, will try to destroy them and keep them from returning home. He has to place them in the care of someone. He chose you.

What an awesome responsibility! Many of you will remember the immense love that welled up inside you at the first glimpse of your child. You would take on the world for that precious child. Unfortunately, there are occasions in the midst of our everyday existence we forget what our role is. We get frustrated when they don’t care about our guidance and instruction. We get hurt when they ignore us, or argue. We get tired with our daily, monotonous responsibilities. Sometimes, we just get distracted. Something else catches our attention and tries to draw our heart away. Maybe it is the prestige of a promising, respected career. Maybe it is the thought of a beautifully decorated home. Or maybe we’re just exhausted from our many responsibilities. Whatever it is, and it is different for all of us, I really believe the thoughts and distractions are cunningly placed there by the enemy of our souls.

There is much expected of mothers, even without the burden of our Heavenly responsibility. We are expected to know how to nurse a wound and comfort a child simultaneously. We need to brush up on our fractions and algebra to help with math assignments, and know how to sew a costume for a play or recital. We have to be a negotiator between warring children, and a psychologist for our children in need of counsel. We need to help with music practice, teach them to ride bicycles, and decide with wisdom which of the four million extra-curricular activities available to them fits their needs and gifting. We’re to do all that while cheerfully keeping up with laundry, meals, housekeeping, and loving our spouses, if we are fortunate enough to have one. I haven’t even gotten to the spiritual responsibilities.

No wonder it is easy to get distracted. We don’t even have to be doing anything wrong to be led away from our real mission. It is hard remembering we are here to do more than raise productive citizens. We are here to take care of souls. Our children, like us, are eternal beings. If valiant, they will one day rule worlds of their own. Let’s do more than care about if they get a 4.0 grade point average, or a 30 on the ACT. Let’s train them to be valiant in their testimony of Christ. Let’s raise them to care about eternal matters.

Some ways to nurture souls

What a daunting task! How do we go about it? Well, I am navigating these responsibilities just like the rest of you, but some thoughts keep coming to my mind regarding the topic. First, we have to strive to be valiant ourselves. It will be much easier for our children to desire righteousness if they see it in us. Do they see us read our scriptures? Do they see us in personal prayer? Do they hear us talk about the commandments and how we are striving to fulfill them? It is impossible for us to be perfect, and believe me my children know I am not. But, when we do sin, we can be honest about it and show them what real repentance looks like.

When you are striving to be valiant, conversation about their lives and the gospel will be natural. It will just be who you are. They’ll expect that to be what comes out of your mouth. Deuteronomy teaches this. “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deut. 6:7

I do know that when you have a passel of both children and responsibilities to deal with that just to carve out time to read your scriptures takes real commitment. And we’ll never be valiant without a commitment to reading our Scriptures. I’m right there with you in that struggle. I used to think it was a choice between my children seeing me read my Scriptures and really getting to read them without interruption, so I could have a complete thought. I came up with a solution that works for my life. The Spirit will tell you what will work for you.

I always keep a Scripture journal. In it I write down the chapters I read that day and any thoughts I had about my reading. I have some days I read while the children are awake and they see me reading and writing in my journal. Other days I’ve reserved for private reading that I am free to do before they are awake. But on those days, I will talk to my children throughout the day about what I’ve read and written in my journal. This way they know it is important enough for me to do it every day.

Secondly, we need to really know our children. What are the special gifts Heavenly Father has endowed unto them? How does He want them to use them? What are their personalities? Are they fearful and reserved, or bold and head-strong? Each spirit is different and learns differently. Each child has their own goals, dreams, and fears. Each of them has a task they were sent here to do. Our job is to help them both realize what that is and help them qualify. There is no short cut to such a proposition. What it takes the most of is time. Time spent talking to them, and especially listening to them.

They need to know we value their thoughts. When my oldest was young, he was completely into Bionicles. He would spend hours talking about them, what their powers were, what battles he set up in his room. He’d even quiz me on their powers. It didn’t bother him that I’d fail the quiz. He was just happy I would take it. If we don’t listen to them when they’re young and willing, they’ll quickly learn to not talk to us. When they know you’re truly interested, they’ll keep talking, even in their teen years.

Our time should also be spent researching their strengths and gifts. Time invested in helping them develop their talents. We have no idea what callings Heavenly Father has in mind for them. But, we can get glimpses of their path with the talents He’s given to them. The more they learn and develop their gifts, the more useful they can be to His kingdom.

Thirdly, we need to diligently seek to fulfill the brethren’s guidance for families. That means family prayer, daily Scripture study, family home evenings, parent-child interviews… everything the apostles have reiterated for us over and over in their conference talks. I’m not saying it is easy. These things won’t always be fulfilled in an ideal setting. I’m a single mom. I work four part time jobs and homeschool my children. Time is a precious commodity at our house. I don’t always get the freedom to determine how much time I have. I do, however, have the freedom to decide how to use the time that is allotted to me.

Family Home Evenings are hard for me. To set aside that much time on Monday evenings in a lesson and fun activity means staying up much later that night working one of my jobs. It means I will not get much sleep. But, I get do get to nurture souls. How lucky is that? Isn’t that worth a few hours less sleep? I think the key to that is the thought the bishop of Les Miserables had. Let us not be selfish with our time, our life, and desires. Let’s try to remember that we are not just here for ourselves, but to take care of souls. How great is the worth of a soul in the eyes of God.

Helping Evangelicals with Continuing Revelation

*In beginning work on a manuscript I thought it best to jot down my ideas here and we could flesh them out together. I’m especially interested in interactions you’ve had with protestants in discussing continuing revelation. What questions have you found hard to answer? Here are my thoughts…..

If you’ve ever tried to share the gospel with a conservative evangelical, you’ve probably heard the phrase, “There is no new revelation.” or something similar. While it may be hard for Latter-Day Saints to grasp at times, the Bible being the sole and final authority lies deep in the heart of many sincere Christians who love their God and serve His Son diligently. I was one of them, so I know. Sola Scriptura was one of the cornerstones of our faith beginning with the protestant reformation.

When I first began looking into Mormonism in order to “save a friend from hell” I thought it would be simple to show him the error of his ways. All I had to do was prove in Scripture the canon was closed and that would settle it. If the canon had already closed, there is no way the Book of Mormon could be true. He would see that Joseph Smith was a false prophet. That would be the first step toward redemption.

I started by looking for the passage that taught the canon was closed. I couldn’t find it anywhere. My next idea came in the form of calling one of my pastors and explaining my dilemma. I asked him to help me understand why we believe the canon is closed, so I could rescue my friend. First, he warned me to be careful because my friend was probably having a similar conversation about converting me with the leadership of his church. I told him I’d be offended if he weren’t. He continued by telling me that there was not anything in Scripture that definitively showed the canon was closed. I found that surprising. Why then is it preached so decisively from the pulpit? The answer he gave me was church tradition.

Personally, as a conservative evangelical myself, I didn’t find that answer convincing. The whole protestant reformation fought against church tradition as an authority. That was not what I was trained to put my faith in. I had always been taught to consider the Scriptures as the final authority. Finding his answer unsatisfying I decided to turn again to the Scriptures for my answers. In reality, that is how you will best help evangelicals to understand our faith as well. Scriptures alone will not convince them. That takes the Spirit. But in their mind, they’ll need the Scriptures. They’ll be more likely to hear the Spirit where there is no fear. They have no fear of the Bible.

An oft quoted passage in evangelical circles is found in Revelation that warns not to add or take away from this book. Many unpleasant experiences are promised to the offender. That passage never bothered me. Though many Christians take the phrase “this book” to mean the Bible, I realized that passage is only referring to the book of Revelation itself. To help someone else understand that, you could point out that Deuteronomy 4:2 has a similar injunction, but the church did not stop the canon after the Pentateuch. Neither did the Savior because he quoted from several post Pentateuch passages as authoritative.

Another item to point out in the same arena is that Revelation was NOT the last book of the Bible to be penned. Several were written after Revelation including James, Jude, and 2 Peter. But, that is not the only reason to believe in continuing revelation. There is a Scripture chain you can give them to read, ponder, and pray about. First Hebrews 13:8 tells us that “He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” If that is so, He is willing to work with His children consistently.

The second link of the chain can be found in Amos 3:7 “Surely the Lord God doeth nothing until He reveals His secret unto His servants the prophets.” There are some people who will say that this particular verse was in the Old Covenant and that we are living in the New Covenant, therefore it is invalid. It is true that we are under a new covenant, but it is the same God. They may counter that God is the same, but His methods are not. In that case you could give them 1 Thessalonians 5:19-21 "Quench not the Spirit. Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things: hold fast that which is good." This is a New Covenant passage. Without further scripture to negate it, it still stands. This command also helped alleviate some of the guilt I felt in examining other beliefs to begin with. I could do it, because the Lord said I could.

In combination, these verses pricked my heart. They helped me realize there was at least the possibility of new revelation. Whether that came in the form of Mormonism or not, well…let’s just say the jury was still out on that one. Prayerfully, as you testify of the gospel with your protestant friends their hearts will be pricked as well. I know I’m grateful to learn all that is available to me through the restoration.

An Anchor to the Soul

I left church after Sacrament meeting today, which is something I never do.  I wasn’t feeling well. So I drove home, took some medicine, and tried to get some rest, but of course, I couldn’t sleep. You would think someone who lives on about 3-4 hours of sleep a night would conk right out, but my mind wouldn’t shut off.

Plan B was to read my Scriptures in silence. A rarity at this hopping house. I read something magnificent. For my Book of Mormon reading I am in Ether 12. It is so packed that this is day three on the same chapter. I just keep finding more gems. Right now I am compiling a three column list on everything Ether has to say about faith, hope, and charity in just this one chapter.

The verse I want to focus on right now is verse four:

“Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.”

If you’ve ever felt thrashed about by the storms of life, this verse should make you breathe a sigh of relief. For those of you who don’t know, I grew up on Staten Island. I sure miss that place sometimes. When I was a child riding the Staten Island Ferry, I would often go to one of the port holes and look into the churning sea. Although I loved the feel of the air and water as it sprayed up at me, the voyage itself frightened me, so I would sit and watch hoping nothing would go wrong with our voyage.

I was always fascinated by the gigantic chains that would place and withdraw the anchors and wonder how they could help keep such a massive boat in place. I still don’t know the technicalities of all of it, but somehow it worked. Our boat was sure and steadfast.

According to the Scriptures, faith is our anchor. This anchor, however, does way more than the ones on the ferries I grew up with. First, it gives us a hopeful, secure future. Ether called it a better world. It is better because we are at the right hand of God.  At first that phrase puzzled me.  At the right hand of God? No, that is the Savior’s rightful place-definitely not mine. Maybe it was my tiredness, but I couldn’t figure out why he would say that. The answer of course was obvious, but it didn’t occur to me.

I leaned over and asked dear Bishop Nance (he was bishop before our current one), whom I was sitting beside. Thankfully he didn’t call me an idiot for not remembering “the sheep and the goats”. When the author says we will be at the right hand of God, it is because that is where the sheep go. We go with the group destined for eternal life in the presence of God. That will most assuredly be a better world. In that world there will be joy, peace, godliness, honesty, truth, learning, safety, and righteous judgment, just to name a few things.

Why use an anchor analogy for that though? I know some who would say we cannot be sure of our eternal place. I disagree. Faith makes that eternity sure. We can not only hope, but be sure in our hope of it. Not because of our own merits, which I know frightens all of us and makes us worry about eternity. But, on the merits of the atonement of Jesus Christ. I can be sure of my eternity IF my faith is in the right place. Do I have correct faith in the person and work of the Savior? Is it the kind of faith the Scriptures teach us? A repentant faith unto good works? Then if so, I can be sure of eternity. Now that is better than any anchor I have ever seen on a ferry.

This anchor does more though. Heavenly Father doesn’t throw us into a tempest filled sea, leaving us to drown and suffer, merely saying, “Well at least you have eternity to look forward to.” No. Instead He says, “Use your anchor.” That anchor of faith makes us sure and steadfast. That anchor of faith allows us to abound in good works. That anchor leads us to glorify God. I can’t think of anything better.

When I am drowning in a sea of turmoil. And believe me I know what turmoil feels like. I can grab onto my faith. That frees me up to do the work God has set apart for me. I am excited about that! I can think of a dozen ways I have disappointed my Father in the last 6 months, knowing that if I had just grabbed my anchor, I could have avoided the mistakes all together. I can’t change the past, but I sure can remember to grab it in the future.

It can also keep me steadfast in the face of other’s sins. There are frightening people in this world, who do very bad things and are obvious about it. There are others who are more cunning and unexpectedly do bad things. I’m not sure which is more dangerous. It probably doesn’t matter, because both kinds leave wounds and damage our vessel. But this verse says we can be sure and steadfast even in the face of damage. It will not matter what kind of storm we are confronted with. Faith will lead us to glorifying God. We can do great works, even in the face of suffering. What an anchor that is!

One other thing just occurred to me. It says this anchor can lead us to glorify God. I periodically get emails or phone calls from people who say wonderful things to me. Things I don’t deserve. Sometimes they say they admire me. Most often lately they say they have a strong feeling Heavenly Father has an important work for me. Now, I am not an important person and I am sure every assignment Heavenly Father gives, even to the least of His children is important to Him. It did get me to thinking though. I know He has a work for me. We were all given assignments in the pre-mortal existence of how we could further the kingdom during our tenure here. What was mine?

While I do not think I can do anything more important than any other servant, I have been facing tremendous trials that were obviously designed by the enemy to keep me from service. I began to pray and ask Heavenly Father to show me my work. What is my mission? He gently reminded me that He had already told me. He puts desires in our hearts and minds that are designed to help us know and fulfill our mission. What I want more than anything else is to start a magazine AND write books designed to help Latter Day Saints not only become more valiant in their testimony of the Savior, but to give them the tools to minister and teach the gospel to protestant evangelicals.

All I have to do is hold on to the anchor, so I am equipped for every good work and not allow the storms I face to overtake me.

The Beauty of Tithing

Normally my heart has no struggle with tithing. I find it joyful writing that check. It is almost as if I am getting to partner with God to further the work of His kingdom.  Although, I’m sure it is probably more like the times my sweet 6 year old Sarah brings me the pennies she has saved up to “help me with the bills”. I wonder if Heavenly Father’s heart swells with as much love as mine does when my daughter sincerely gives me her life savings?

For some unknown reason this week I struggled with writing my tithe check. I had over $1000.00 in OVERDUE bills, with the threat of a shut off notice on my heat. If I wrote my tithe check, I would have enough for the heating bill to stay on, but would only be left with $12.00 in my account to cover things like toilet paper and gasoline, plus all the other bills would go without any further payment.

I made the decision it wasn’t my money to begin with and I made a covenant to always pay my tithe. So, I wrote the check and a peaceful feeling came over me. The next day, I received three paychecks, two of which were overdue to come to me. It left me enough to pay something on each one of those overdue bills. Plus, I have enough to get one tank of gas and one small present each for the children on Valentines Day. Isn’t Heavenly Father kind? It was a reminder to me that He is aware and uses our circumstances to help us grow. Though tithing had never been an issue until that particular day, my faith has grown on the doctrine of tithing.

I also wanted to share a cute story that has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic. My Sarah is very literal and has been brought to tears many times because she doesn’t feel like she can hear the Spirit. The problem is she thinks it is a literal HEAR. Though the Spirit does occasionally work that, way, it is not the most common method.

She and I have been spending a lot of time discussing the fruit of the Spirit and the peaceful happy feelings that come to us when He speaks to our hearts. We had one of those discussions last night. It took about 40 minutes before she would calm down and stop crying long enough to really grasp what I was saying. About 10 minutes after our conversation, she was in the bathroom cleaning the toilet (one of her chores), when she ran up to me excitedly saying, “Mom! I feel the Spirit when I clean toilets! I always feel happy cleaning the toilets.”

Because I didn’t want to discourage her with any clarification. I just told her to remember that good feeling. I really love her enthusiasm.

Incremental Revelation

I have learned so much in the last week that I don’t even know where to start. I suppose I’ll start with the temple. Yesterday I went to the Memphis temple to do initiatories and an endowment session. I was especially anxious to spend time in the Celestial room. I had 5 major things I was praying about that I needed direction. I typically sit close to the front so I can get to the celestial room more quickly.  On a side note……I like doing the prayer circle, but as a single woman it is awkward waiting up there all on my lonesome while the leader (or whatever he is called) asks for some poor schmoe to come up there to join me. Brothers, if you see a single sister waiting up there, jump up and join her.  Don’t leave her hanging! End of lecture.

When I got to the celestial room I grabbed some Scriptures and immediately started praying. At some point the burdens overwhelmed me and I started to cry. I laid out the big issues and asked Heavenly Father to lay out for me a plan. He said, “No.”  I said, “What?” He said, “I want to guide you little by little and you want the whole picture.” I said, “Ok.”, but a few minutes later decided to ask again in the hopes that I had misunderstood. Nope. Got the same answer. 

I’ll be honest. I found that disappointing. I wanted some answers! I needed direction. My heart was in a great deal of pain. AND I am confused about some things with regard to the gospel, the Spirit, and discernment. Not to mention the fact that I have so much on the plate, it would save some burden to get a great deal of direction at once. But, I trusted that Heavenly Father had a great reason. That submission was a good idea. It didn’t take long for me to start getting some answers.

The first answer I received was why he wanted to guide me little by little.  I’ve been reading a useful book by Gerald Lund entitled Hearing the Voice of the Lord. He wrote about incremental revelation, using the example of Nephi and the brass plates. Nephi was told to get the plates, but he wasn’t told how. He was kind of left to flounder on his own and figure it out. He made several attempts before having success. In his third attempt he said, “I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless, I went forth.” (I Nephi 4:6-7)

That is how I was feeling. God wants me to do these things, but doesn’t tell me how. Nephi was driven by faith, not knowledge. He had faith in Heavenly Father, therefore he would continue to try and figure out how to do what he was commanded to do. He had the same experience building the ship for their trip to the Americas. I Nephi 18:1 said he was given directions on how to build the ship, “from time to time”. I thought about that for a moment and it occurred to me that if the Lord had given him all the direction at once, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

Let’s look at the example of getting the plates from Laban. The Lord knew that Nephi was going to have to kill Laban to get those plates. But, if he told that to Nephi, Nephi might have spent his entire life wondering in false guilt whether or not there was anything else he could have done to get those plates back and spare Laban’s life. Therefore, the Lord let him attempt diplomacy first and learn for himself there was only one solution. How merciful of God!

Using the example of the ship, it is easy to see the need for incremental revelation. If Heavenly Father told me to build a car and gave me all the directions at once, I can guarantee at the end of my building, we would NOT have a car. Sometimes in His wisdom, He gives the direction we need, as we need it. I’m now not as disappointed with the idea.

The next thing I learned, was also confirmed to me more solidly in my reading. I was struggling with a wrong committed by someone. I couldn’t understand why the Lord was seemingly ignoring it. However, the Lord whispered to my heart that maybe He isn’t ignoring it, but giving others another learning opportunity.

I wondered about that, but wasn’t sure if I understood the Spirit correctly. Then I read something that confirmed it to me. While writing about Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail, Gerald Lund made the following observation: 

“But here is another lesson to learn from that experience. While Joseph was in jail all that time, the challenge of leading and exodus of thousands of Saints to safety in the dead of winter fell to the two senior Apostles, Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball. These were the very two men on whom would fall the task just eight years later of leading the Saints across more than a thousand miles of wilderness to the Valley of the Great Salt Lake. How’s that for “in service training”?

Often while we are undergoing our own learning experience, the Lord may be accomplishing His purposes with other people and in other settings. This is why it is foolish to think that we can fathom with our finite perspective the infinite and eternal purposes of God.”

Well, there is tons more that I learned this week that will have to wait.  There are little people who want me to come to their “club” meeting. Apparently it is time for my membership interview. I am one lucky mom.

I Am Not Alone—An increase in Faith

by Annmarie

You know, I really shouldn’t blog when I am on pain medication. For some reason the pain medicine makes me emotional and lowers my inhibitions, making me likely to say (or write) anything. You can get all my secrets out of me when I’m on pain meds. However, when I’m emotional, what I want to do most is write….or cuddle someone. The kids are at their dad’s house this weekend, so the only outlet left is writing. Let’s just hope I don’t give up anything too personal.

I teach Relief Society tomorrow. The scheduled lesson is on faith. I’m quite excited about teaching that topic, because it is one I desire to grow in more than any other. Some time back I remember sitting in the chapel on a Sunday morning and confessing to God my lack of faith, pleading with Him to help me know how to develop more of it. Immediately the Spirit said to look up Alma 32. I did and was quite excited to see it was a manual on developing faith. I have grown to love that chapter. 

However, shortly before our recent General Conference, I was still feeling like I was failing in the area of faith. I went to God in prayer again. I told Him I must be His slow, “special” child, and I need more help. I spoke to Him about Alma’s chapter, confessing that I DID have a deep desire to believe and have complete faith, just as the chapter said to. But, I confessed that I felt that although the chapter said that seed would swell and grow, that maybe there was something else necessary that I was missing. The only thing that I felt had swelled was my desire. I still didn’t feel my faith had improved much.

This prayer went on for many, many weeks, and I was beginning to worry I would never improve my faith.  I don’t know if anyone noticed, but many of the talks during October’s conference were on faith. I took copious notes and rejoiced that my God loved me enough to give me more help. I rejoiced again as I noticed other prayers being answered through conference. One in particular really strengthened my testimony that God hears and answers MY prayers.

I was torn about a family decision. I could tell someone in priesthood leadership over me thought I should no longer homeschool my children. I have agonized over that decision often, in much prayer, and always felt like it was the only right decision for my family. My leader never said anything to me personally about his feelings, but I could sense it. I wasn’t 100% positive that was how he felt until a few days ago, when a friend, who was frustrated with me, told me that the leader had said something to their family about it.

Although frustrated with that information, by the time my friend mentioned it to me, I was already at peace about my decision, because God gave me the answer during conference.  You see, previous to conference, I was worried that maybe I wasn’t understanding the Spirit correctly because this priesthood leader felt differently than I did about it.  I’m new in the church, and learning to discern the Spirit is a LONG, often difficult, process. What if I was letting my emotions and desires confuse what the Spirit was saying? However, anytime I prayed about it, it was the only answer I got. Everything else seemed dark and wrong.

I didn’t think I could with a clear conscience do anything other than homeschool. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sure it would destroy my family emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Not to mention the academic step back, including the fact that my poor oldest child had already taken all the math and science classes (save one) the public schools had to offer, and he’d have to spend the next three years just repeating stuff he’d already learned. But, what was I to do with my leader’s opinion. Doesn’t God guide us through our priesthood leadership? So, I went to the Lord in prayer again. I told Him that I wasn’t sure what to do. I want to homeschool my children, and I felt that HE wanted me to homeschool my children, but it felt to me like my leader did not want me to homeschool. What was I to do? How can I guide my family, if the direction I feel I’m given is contrary to what my leader felt?  Was I to make every decision based on what my leadership thought was right, even if I felt very much to the contrary?

Oh how blessed I was to have one of the talks teach us how God gives revelation! He specifically said that though God gives revelation for us to our priesthood leaders, when it comes to areas of family government, He gives the revelation to the head of the family, not the priesthood leader. What peace I felt wash over me when those words came out of the apostle’s mouth. I wasn’t misunderstanding the Spirit. I just didn’t understand the chain of revelation. I did know what was right for my family. It was even more comforting to me that the apostle used the same wording I had in my prayer. I told Heavenly Father I love my children more than anything and needed a specific, clear answer, and He gave me one!

There were many other ways which my dear Father in Heaven spoke to me, answering very pressing questions during conference. It was such a balm to my soul in ways no one would be able to understand. You see, since February of this year I have secretly felt like my soul was being ripped apart. A series of unexpected events, that would periodically rear its head again, would leave me feeling trapped and abandoned. I wasn’t sure if God was hearing my pleas for help. I often worried I had slipped through the cracks, or worse, maybe I wasn’t important to Him. Or maybe He just didn’t like me.  Maybe He felt I failed Him too often and was not worth the trouble. I loved Him very much, and wanted Him to love me too, but I felt like my pleas were going unheard and I didn’t know what to do.

Having Heavenly Father answer so many of my cries and concerns during conference gave me such confidence and peace. He WAS hearing my prayers and worries. He did care enough to help me understand. He answered my prayers. That experience has helped to increase my faith, my trust in Him. I still have so very far to go. But, I’m glad to know He is with me on the journey. I am not alone.