Wednesday, May 12, 2010

When you are alone

Before I get into my planned post, let me say. Yes, I did go to the temple for my endowments this past weekend. Suffice it to say that it was wonderful. I cannot wait to go back! I'm already looking for a weekend that isn't already taken up to make an appointment. I wish I could say more, but the things that are on my heart regarding the ceremony and experience we cannot talk about. So, if you want to know what I'm thinking about regarding the experience, you can come with me to a temple session and we can talk about it there. Wouldn't that be fun!

Now, onto my post.......

"Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled." Matthew 26:56

There will always be times in our lives when, for lack of a better word, we are forsaken. Sometimes it will be through our own errors, but other times it is through no fault of our own. People are people. Even the best of people will hurt and disappoint. The key is to let it draw you to the Savior. My tendency is to pull inward. I tend to be untrusting to begin with, but if I begin to trust someone and let my guard down, any betrayal makes it that much harder for me to form loving, trusting relationships in the future.

It would dishonor the Savior for me to remain that way, so I have to keep trying. Sometimes I want to give up. I feel that way now. But, I read how those who have ministered with the Savior day in and day out, professing they would die for Him, leave Him at His hour of greatest need, and realize all our deepest hurts were experienced by Him who loves us most. He has felt my pain before. So what did He do? Once resurrected did he retaliate? No. He simply did His best to love them anyway. Of course His best will always be better than ours, but we cannot honor Him without trying.

There are some things I am going to try this time around. When tears are pouring down my cheeks and my heart aches so much that it feels like it is about to split, I am going to cry out to Him to remember how He felt when His disciples left Him and help me know what to do. I'm also going to remember that He loves me. Even if He was or is the only one who loves me, I am loved. And I'm loved by someone who will never put me aside. So, aside from crying out to Him, I will try to feel loved.

Other things He calls us to do in these circumstances I think I'm pretty good at. He wants us to love those who do not love us. Sometimes that comes easier to me than others. What helps is trying to see where they struggle and having compassion on them. When that is not enough I ask our Heavenly Father to show me some ways to love them.

When you love those who hurt you, you are being a Savior to them on Mt. Zion. You are also ministering to the Savior Himself. Just as Matthew says elsewhere, "Inasmuch as you've done it to the least of my brethren, you've done it onto me. So, go and be a Savior to others and remember you are loved by Him who loves permanently.

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