Be Patient in Afflictions

I absolutely love how the full counsel of Scripture works together! It is always amazing to me how reading two separate passages come together to form a beautiful picture of the area in which the Lord is trying to help you grow. I had that experience today.

My habit is to read one chapter from the Bible, one from the Book of Mormon, and one from either Doctrine & Covenants, or Pearl of Great Price (depending on which one I’m in at the moment). Sometimes the chapters come together for a broad lesson.

I had started in D&C 31 today. Verse 9 says,

“Be patient in afflictions, revile not against those that revile, Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast.”

I was thinking about this passage. There are many areas in my life that are challenging. Dealing with revilers is one of the hardest for me. I face it from many directions. I deal with lies and rumors, and even truth from my former church. Somehow people can make even good truth sound evil, as if becoming Mormon is the greatest scandal since watergate. I also face it from people trying cover their tracks.

There is nothing I can do about. It stinks. It’s disappointing and hurts, but that’s life. The key is figuring out how I am supposed to respond. I think this verse is part of the solution

Be Patient:  I think it is easy to forget that our Heavenly Father knows EVERYTHING. I recall having an extra fast not too long ago in order to pray about something that has brought me much pain. I was amazed at the verses the Lord brought to my attention. I will only share one because the other was so specific to the situation that it feels too sacred to share here.

“Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.  Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalm 27:11-14

We have to wait on Him. Trust Him. Be patient in our waiting. I know patience is hard when you’re in pain, but that is what He not only asks, but deserves.

Revile not against those that revile: It is hard when someone punches you, not to punch back. I think it is equally true when someone punches you emotionally. The temptation is to punch back. You think it will make you feel better, but it won’t because chances are pretty good the revilers will just continue in their behavior and you will feel the exact same way again. Instead I think the solution is what Peter taught.

“For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:….who when he was reviled, reviled not again…..but committed himself to Him that judgeth righteously.” 1 Peter 2:21-23

I think that last part is the key, and goes along with the Psalms passage above. We need to entrust ourselves to our Heavenly Father. He is the one who can righteously right the wrongs. Human judgment will always have failings in it.

When I was done with my D&C section I read John 13 and another piece of the puzzle fit together. In this chapter the Savior knew that Judas was about to betray him, and yet he washed his feet. I think this is where I fail. I am good at carefully avoiding someone so as not to return evil for evil. It is tempting at times to want to give a deserving person a good slap, so avoiding them seems a sensible plan. While I am sure Heavenly Father is thrilled I am not handing out whacks, I think He wants me to do more than avoid someone. Maybe I need to wash their feet. Symbolically, of course.

I was thrilled when I finished reading these passages. I’m not sure I measure up yet. I still have a few good whacks yearning to come out. But, I see some minor growth in entrusting myself.  Hopefully soon I’ll even be patient in my afflictions.  

 

Article on Predestination

I’ve had several inquiries about predestination. As a result I ended up writing an article about it for Meridian Magazine.  If you’re interested in the article, you can read it here:  Helping Evangelicals: Understanding Predestination.

Was It Worth It?

Yesterday, the 24th, would have marked my 20th wedding anniversary if I had not persisted in studying Mormonism. I have to say the last few years of my life have been at a minimum stressful. The pressure has been so enormous, the events so heartbreaking to me, that at times I was sure I would not be able to survive.

The question I am often tempted to ask myself is “Was it worth it?” The answer is unequivocally yes. Do I say that because my life has been better or easier since joining the church? Actually, no. Life has been abundantly harder- and it wasn’t easy before. I say yes for other, more important reasons.

I’ve always been a little odd, never quite fitting in my surroundings. From the time I was a young child I was always trying to figure out who God was and what he wanted me to do. I was a religious child in a non-religious home. Because we were Italian, we were Catholic. It kind of goes in tandem with the nationality. But, we rarely attended mass as a family.

For some reason though, it wasn’t enough for me. As young as seven years old, I remember often walking to mass on my own. My dad would graciously give me some money for the offering and off I’d go. The mass itself always confused me and, being a little girl, I would quickly get bored and leave, using the money my dad gave me to buy a chocolate bar. (Naughty I know, but it was an opportunity to get chocolate that I couldn’t resist). I would go back often trying to figure out God, and always leave without knowing anything more.

I remember once asking my mom about religion, to which she replied, “There are two things people should never speak about, religion and politics.” I was a kid, so I didn’t understand her answer. As a result I turned to movies to learn about God. Movies and television were always in abundance in my childhood home. At the time the rock musical Jesus Christ Superstar was popular. So I watched that with intense interest. My parents helping to explain what confused me in it. I saw it several times and even had the records. I remember feeling very wicked because the man who played Jesus was kind of cute and I had a crush on him. It just seemed wrong to have a crush on Jesus. For the longest time, that movie was my understanding of religion. I would walk around the house singing Mary’s solo “He’s Just a Man”.   Eventually I became old enough for confirmation classes. I was sure I would finally know who God was then, but all I really learned was how to say the rosary.

In high school I became protestant. We moved from Staten Island to the Bible belt. I now had an abundance of people willing to discuss religion. We’d been in Arkansas less than a year and I was baptized into a protestant tradition. Yet, my questions continued. I couldn’t understand why at the church we’d obey some of the Bible, but not all of it. I asked A LOT of questions, but mostly was told that if I had grown up in their church I would understand. Well, I didn’t, and I still wanted to. Eventually, I found a church that seemed to take the Bible seriously. But, I still had questions that people couldn’t answer. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my faith. I had confidence in the Bible and I worked hard to live according to my understanding.

Why am I bringing all this up? There are people who think I’ve made a horrible mistake giving up so much for “religion”. Some feel that way because they think my faith is a heresy. Others because they don’t think it is worth giving up a 19 year marriage and all my associations and financial support for. Maybe if they understood that I’ve been searching for God since I was little it might make sense to them. Even before I knew Him, I loved Him. That may sound really strange, but that was why I wanted to know Him. He was GOD. I knew that intrinsically. I just didn’t know what to do about it.

Those of you who read my blog know that I am often studying about faith. I want tremendously to improve my faith. I feel the weight of my failings. As a result of that I’ve been re-reading Lectures On Faith by the prophet Joseph Smith. There he outlines three things necessary for faith:

“First, the idea that he actually exists. Secondly, a correct idea of his character, perfections, and attributes. Thirdly, an actual knowledge that the course of life which he is pursuing is according to his will.For without an acquaintance with these three important facts, the faith of every rational being must be imperfect and unproductive; but with this understanding it can become perfect and fruitful, abounding in righteousness, unto the praise and glory of God the Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (emphasis added)

I’ve never had a problem with the first one. It is the second idea that I have spent the majority of my life searching for, so that I could be sure of the third.   When I began looking at Mormonism, part of my fascination came in realizing some of the questions I’ve had that were left unsettled had answers. In one of my ex-husband’s more reasonable moments he said, “I get why you like Mormonism. You like knowing things. You want answers and they give them to you. Why can’t you understand that they’re just making them up?” But, they didn’t feel made up to me.

I finally feel I am on the path to accomplishing what I’ve searched for my entire life. I still have so much to learn. I’m essentially re-learning God. But, I feel peaceful about what I’m learning. It feels right. I’m still confused about many things and I have even farther to go in order to be completely worthy of Him. But, if I had to do it all over again I would still pursue my study of Mormonism because there is nothing more important than knowing and serving God. So, yes, it was worth it.

A Potpourri of Hope

To be honest, I don’t even know where to start. I have learned so much over the last few days that I feel like I’m trying to contain a waterfall with a child’s sand bucket. I cannot pick one theme that has stood out to me, so I hope you’ll put up with a potpourri of my thoughts.

Pre-earth existence

I’ll start with something that may seem trivial, but I love. It is always fun to me when I see something in Scripture that shows the restored doctrine has always been in the Bible if you have eyes to see it. When you’ve been blind for so long and suddenly get sight, even the most average of objects can seem spectacular. So, for those of you who’ve known these things your whole lives, please bear with my “playing catch up”.

One of the hardest doctrines to understand scripturally is our pre-earth existence. While it feels right and makes sense, the recovering Calvinist in me prefers Scripture. I was reading in John 9 the other day. In verse two, the disciples ask the Savior,

“Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

Did you catch that? If he were BORN blind, how could he have possibly sinned? The only possible explanation is he existed before he was born. If that were not possible, the Savior would have pointed that out to HIs followers. Maybe He would have said something like, “How could he have sinned having not yet been born?”  Instead He answered,

“Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.”

I know it is a silly thing to get excited over, but to me it showed that the disciples understood there was an existence before birth.

Faith

Skipping a few days in my Scripture journal brings us to the topic of faith. I have really been convicted about this topic for some time. Every once in a while I think I see some progress, but then the Lord allows something to creep in that shows me I have so far to go still.

I was reading in 1 Nephi 7.

“….the Lord is able to do all things according to His will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in Him………” vs. 12

Then later in verse 17 it says,

“….O Lord, according to my faith which is in Thee, wilt Thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren;….”

To be honest, every time I read my Scriptures the verses on faith just jump out at me. I know that Heaven works according to laws that are irrevocably set. Faith is one of the big ones. There is much our Father in heaven wants to do for us, but much of it depends on our faith.

This makes me nervous sometimes, because I know I fall so short of the mark. Whenever I read passages on faith I have such a deep, deep longing to do better, to be more than I am. When I read the passage in verse 17 that said “according to my faith..”  I wrote in my journal, “What if the Lord only did anything according to my faith? How much would then be accomplished for His kingdom?”

How painful that is for me to consider knowing my failings. I think about the father of Alma the Younger, whose faith brought an angel to call his son to repentance. Wow! What incredible faith. Though I rejoice in his faith, I’m saddened by my lack of it.  When will I get there?

Of course whenever I pray about my lack of faith and ask for the Lord to help me grow in and develop more faith, He reminds me of Alma 32. So, I guess that is the course He has outlined for me. Hopefully as I diligently follow it I will one day have the faith that can help others more readily find His kingdom.

Unrighteousness

This next lesson was not in Scripture, but through life and the Spirit. I’ve been struggling with the behavior of a man who has done several unrighteous deeds. It has caused me anguish, almost destroyed my testimony, and brought harm to my family.

I have spent countless hours in tears and prayer over it. I have confronted the man several times asking him to stop the behavior, only to have ridiculous excuses made. When I pressed him, he would accuse me of lacking charity for not accepting him as he is.

Every confrontation damaged both my soul and emotions further. It kind of came to a head this past Friday. I had lost all hope of trusting  him (or anyone) again, but thought it only fair to try again. That was a mistake and served in no way other than to make my day completely miserable and give me another few hours of tears and heartbreak.

The thought suddenly popped into my head, while praying, that this is exactly what Satan wants. I don’t think I could have hand picked a scenario more perfectly designed to destroy me. I had two choices. I could continue to struggle and try to make sense of his behavior, fruitlessly hoping for righteousness, or I could recognize that Satan was using this person to not only bring me harm, but stunt my growth, and not allow it any further.

It reminds me a little of the story of the tree of life (1 Nephi 8). The analogy doesn’t fit completely, but you’ll get the idea. Here are these people who’ve just had an opportunity to taste the fruit from the Tree of Life, but because scoffers came along they fell away and were lost.

I have tasted of the gospel. I have a testimony. I know what is true. Am I therefore to let go of the iron rod and give up the fruit of the gospel because of someone else’s indifference to righteousness? How stupid would I have to be?  Umm…don’t answer that.

Well, I wish I had more time. There is so much more I’ve learned, but I’ve got to exercise and get some wonderful children to bed. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for His constant patience with me. I hope one day I will be the kind of person that brings Him much glory. Maybe I’ll even develop the faith of Alma, or Enoch, or ….

Oh! to be all that God wants! What could be better?

 

Two years a Mormon

Me & Vicki at my baptism

Well, tomorrow marks my two year anniversary as a member of the church. These two years have literally flown by. Maybe that’s because all I do is work? I was thinking a lot about my two years this morning. I’ve had some wonderful experiences, and some that have been less than wonderful. I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends. I had people show me how beautiful and sacrificing people can be for one another, and others who showed me how wicked people can be.

There are people in my life who strengthen my testimony, and a couple of people who Satan uses regularly to assist in destroying it. I’m grateful for both. That may sound insane, but it is true. I think if I only experienced godliness from those around me then maybe my testimony would only be on the foundation of the character of those around me. That is a dangerous way to build a testimony. On the contrary, each time I am faced with wickedness I am forced to re-examine my testimony. That is good for me.

My first year was a glorious bliss of getting to know completely new people, a new culture, and a new faith. It was confusing and exhilarating simultaneously. I was impatient to get to the temple, and if I had to do it all over again….well, I would still be impatient to get to the temple. I asked a million questions and received about half a million answers. The other half million will just have to wait until eternity, or if I can corner one of the apostles for a few hours of answering questions.

My second year was at best difficult. The one bright spot was getting to the temple. The rest of the year I faced trials and temptations I not only never expected in a million years, but felt (and still feel) crippling to me. Some I passed and some I failed. I was confronted with wickedness from unexpected sources and lost a feeling of trust I was just beginning to develop in a real way for the first time in my lifetime. It had shattered me.

There are two paths these types of life experiences can take you. First, you can let them destroy you. For me that would mean blaming the gospel for the behavior of others. Many people have let the offenses of others keep them from the church. I didn’t want to be one of those people, although I will admit to being tempted. The second path you can take is to choose to learn and grow from it. To become stronger, or at least wiser. I don’t know if I’m either yet, but I am choosing the second path.

I am looking forward to many more years as a member. Each time I read my Scriptures I see a richness to the gospel that I had not seen before. There were a few new doctrines that I thought could only be realized by the Spirit and the Book of Mormon. Now, I’m also seeing throughout the Old and New Testament. I just had let the template of my former theology blur them. I feel like I’m on a wonderful adventure where I get to understand my Father in Heaven better than I have ever before.

Taking Care of Souls-The mission of Motherhood

 

By Annmarie Worthington

Some of my precious souls having fun.

When a bishop in the novel Les Miserables was warned that by traveling to visit an isolated part of his flock he would be taking his life in his hands, he had the most delightful response. “I’m not in this world to take care of my life. I’m here to take care of souls.” I think this should be the battle call of every mother. We have been given a beautiful responsibility and privilege that goes far beyond anything the world calls important. If we could but catch a small glimpse of the vast importance of our job as mothers I really believe it would change the way we go about our lives.

Think about Heavenly Father taking one of His precious spirit children. He’s about to send them away into a world where they will forget most of what they knew in their pre-mortal existence. A world fraught with danger and temptation. A world where Lucifer, who hates both Him and His children, will try to destroy them and keep them from returning home. He has to place them in the care of someone. He chose you.

What an awesome responsibility! Many of you will remember the immense love that welled up inside you at the first glimpse of your child. You would take on the world for that precious child. Unfortunately, there are occasions in the midst of our everyday existence we forget what our role is. We get frustrated when they don’t care about our guidance and instruction. We get hurt when they ignore us, or argue. We get tired with our daily, monotonous responsibilities. Sometimes, we just get distracted. Something else catches our attention and tries to draw our heart away. Maybe it is the prestige of a promising, respected career. Maybe it is the thought of a beautifully decorated home. Or maybe we’re just exhausted from our many responsibilities. Whatever it is, and it is different for all of us, I really believe the thoughts and distractions are cunningly placed there by the enemy of our souls.

There is much expected of mothers, even without the burden of our Heavenly responsibility. We are expected to know how to nurse a wound and comfort a child simultaneously. We need to brush up on our fractions and algebra to help with math assignments, and know how to sew a costume for a play or recital. We have to be a negotiator between warring children, and a psychologist for our children in need of counsel. We need to help with music practice, teach them to ride bicycles, and decide with wisdom which of the four million extra-curricular activities available to them fits their needs and gifting. We’re to do all that while cheerfully keeping up with laundry, meals, housekeeping, and loving our spouses, if we are fortunate enough to have one. I haven’t even gotten to the spiritual responsibilities.

No wonder it is easy to get distracted. We don’t even have to be doing anything wrong to be led away from our real mission. It is hard remembering we are here to do more than raise productive citizens. We are here to take care of souls. Our children, like us, are eternal beings. If valiant, they will one day rule worlds of their own. Let’s do more than care about if they get a 4.0 grade point average, or a 30 on the ACT. Let’s train them to be valiant in their testimony of Christ. Let’s raise them to care about eternal matters.

Some ways to nurture souls

What a daunting task! How do we go about it? Well, I am navigating these responsibilities just like the rest of you, but some thoughts keep coming to my mind regarding the topic. First, we have to strive to be valiant ourselves. It will be much easier for our children to desire righteousness if they see it in us. Do they see us read our scriptures? Do they see us in personal prayer? Do they hear us talk about the commandments and how we are striving to fulfill them? It is impossible for us to be perfect, and believe me my children know I am not. But, when we do sin, we can be honest about it and show them what real repentance looks like.

When you are striving to be valiant, conversation about their lives and the gospel will be natural. It will just be who you are. They’ll expect that to be what comes out of your mouth. Deuteronomy teaches this. “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deut. 6:7

I do know that when you have a passel of both children and responsibilities to deal with that just to carve out time to read your scriptures takes real commitment. And we’ll never be valiant without a commitment to reading our Scriptures. I’m right there with you in that struggle. I used to think it was a choice between my children seeing me read my Scriptures and really getting to read them without interruption, so I could have a complete thought. I came up with a solution that works for my life. The Spirit will tell you what will work for you.

I always keep a Scripture journal. In it I write down the chapters I read that day and any thoughts I had about my reading. I have some days I read while the children are awake and they see me reading and writing in my journal. Other days I’ve reserved for private reading that I am free to do before they are awake. But on those days, I will talk to my children throughout the day about what I’ve read and written in my journal. This way they know it is important enough for me to do it every day.

Secondly, we need to really know our children. What are the special gifts Heavenly Father has endowed unto them? How does He want them to use them? What are their personalities? Are they fearful and reserved, or bold and head-strong? Each spirit is different and learns differently. Each child has their own goals, dreams, and fears. Each of them has a task they were sent here to do. Our job is to help them both realize what that is and help them qualify. There is no short cut to such a proposition. What it takes the most of is time. Time spent talking to them, and especially listening to them.

They need to know we value their thoughts. When my oldest was young, he was completely into Bionicles. He would spend hours talking about them, what their powers were, what battles he set up in his room. He’d even quiz me on their powers. It didn’t bother him that I’d fail the quiz. He was just happy I would take it. If we don’t listen to them when they’re young and willing, they’ll quickly learn to not talk to us. When they know you’re truly interested, they’ll keep talking, even in their teen years.

Our time should also be spent researching their strengths and gifts. Time invested in helping them develop their talents. We have no idea what callings Heavenly Father has in mind for them. But, we can get glimpses of their path with the talents He’s given to them. The more they learn and develop their gifts, the more useful they can be to His kingdom.

Thirdly, we need to diligently seek to fulfill the brethren’s guidance for families. That means family prayer, daily Scripture study, family home evenings, parent-child interviews… everything the apostles have reiterated for us over and over in their conference talks. I’m not saying it is easy. These things won’t always be fulfilled in an ideal setting. I’m a single mom. I work four part time jobs and homeschool my children. Time is a precious commodity at our house. I don’t always get the freedom to determine how much time I have. I do, however, have the freedom to decide how to use the time that is allotted to me.

Family Home Evenings are hard for me. To set aside that much time on Monday evenings in a lesson and fun activity means staying up much later that night working one of my jobs. It means I will not get much sleep. But, I get do get to nurture souls. How lucky is that? Isn’t that worth a few hours less sleep? I think the key to that is the thought the bishop of Les Miserables had. Let us not be selfish with our time, our life, and desires. Let’s try to remember that we are not just here for ourselves, but to take care of souls. How great is the worth of a soul in the eyes of God.

Dual Post: True Love and A Look at Sin

At my daughter’s violin teacher’s home there is a portrait of Mary, the mother of Jesus, at the crucifixion. You don’t see the crosses, only the pained face of His mother, watching her son being tortured. Looking into her eyes you see the fulfillment of Simeon’s prophecy that a sword will pierce her very soul. I’ve often wished to obtain a copy of that picture as a reminder to me of the Sacrifice given on my behalf.

No matter what kind of life you lead. If you are single, married and unloved, or even have never been loved by even your parents, you can know that there is one person that when He says He loves you, He means it. Think about all He sacrificed, willingly on our behalf. Picture his great drops of blood when he took on Himself our sin and infirmities.

Even today, when we continue to sin, he pleads on our behalf. I love this passage in Doctrine & Covenants:

“Listen to him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before Him----

Saying: Father, behold the sufferings and death of Him who did no sin, in whom Thou wast well pleased:  behold the blood of Thy Son which was shed, the blood of Him whom Thou gavest that Thyself might be glorified;

Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on My name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life.”

That is true love. Love which willingly gives His all. Such love deserves true devotion in return. Such love has the right to ask us to do anything, no matter how difficult. There are times when I am frustrated with life and I have to remind myself of the Savior’s love and remember that He isn’t asking me to do anything that doesn’t pain Himself equally.

I had told a friend from church in frustration the other day, “You know, my life wasn’t easy before I joined the church, but it has been much harder since.” I don’t blame the church of course. I knew the life I was signing up for when I made my decision. It doesn’t however make it any easier.

Therefore, when I am struggling or having a wretched, exhausting day, I remind myself of my beautiful Savior. He’s not asking me to do anything needlessly. He loves me. I love Him too, therefore I should willingly, even gratefully do whatever He requires.

I said this was a dual post because I’ve been having two disparate thoughts this week and I couldn’t think of a good segue…so I’m cheating.

I’m re-reading one of my favorite novels Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. My son’s about to read it for school, so I needed to do a touch up on it. There is a passage in the beginning that is describing a godly bishop. It says,

“He was never quick to condemn and he always took into account the surrounding circumstances. He would say, ‘Let’s see how this sin came to pass.’”

I think there are two applications to  this. The first is the one intended. Few people wake up and go, “I think I shall sin today.” There are generally circumstances that creep in and gradually, sometimes before they know it, they are sinning. Sometimes emotions and history factor into the situation. The point is, we can’t really know what someone is going through, or what led them into the sin they’re committing. Because of that, we shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Let’s try to understand and love the person. Then we can help them with their sin.

There is a second application to this as well. A personal one. When we sin, we need to say to ourselves, “Let’s see how this sin came about”. Sin is inevitable. We are fallen people. If you’re like me, you want desperately not to, but know you will fail. I fail all the time. My heart breaks when I do. Sometimes though, I can learn from my failures. I can say to myself, “How did this come about?” Maybe I can see a pattern that I can avoid. A way to keep myself from falling into the same trap. It is a good habit to get into.

Hopefully in the future I can give myself more wisely to the one who truly loves me.