Weeping in Bethany

I have had some hard things happen lately--like knock me off my feet hard. My heart was in a constant state of weeping. I cried out to my Father in Heaven and asked Him, "Where is the fulfillment of Your promises to me?" I was not doubting He could fulfill them. I KNEW and still KNOW He can accomplish His word. I just wasn't seeing it happen and I have been suffering for a while now. I have on two occasions reminded the Lord that, while a thousand years is as a day to Him, it is a thousand years to me.

While I was pouring out my heart to Him a phrase came to my mind. "You are in Bethany." Now, I have had the Spirit nudge me, comfort me, direct me, and remind me of things, but this felt more cryptic. So, I pondered. What does that mean? That is when the light came.

One of Jesus's closest friends, Lazarus, was ill. His sister's, Mary and Martha, sent word to Jesus saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick (John 11:3).” The passage talks about Jesus's love for this precious family and yet, Jesus put off going. He put off going even though He knew it meant Lazarus would die. Why would He do that? Because Jesus knew the bigger plan.

When He got there, the sisters expressed their faith in Him and seeing their grief, and probably feeling His own sadness about His friends and what they've suffered, grieved with them.

Jesus wept. He wept knowing the goodness to come because pain is profoundly undeniable. Those surrounding them from the village saw Jesus's love for Lazarus and questioned why the One who could give the blind sight did not come and heal His friend.

Then comes the plan.

After four days in the tomb, Jesus cried out, "Lazarus, Come forth (John 11:43)." And he did.

What once was dead, now lived.

This is what the Spirit was telling me. I am in the four days, when the promises seem dead. I am weeping in Bethany. But (which is one of my favorite words in the Scriptures) God knows the plan. He will call His word and promises forth.

As a gentle reminder to me this morning, as I was reading my scriptures, I came to 2 Nephi 6:11.

"...for they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me."

I may be weeping in Bethany right now, but the day of rejoicing is coming.

What Can One Person Do?

Do you ever look around at the state of our world or even just our country and despair? Do you feel helpless to do anything? Me too. I went to Heavenly Father in prayer during a particular time of despair after watching the news and asked if it was too late. Had our salt lost its savour? Are we about to be trown out and trampled underfoot (Matthew 5:13)? The answer I received gave me a candle in the darkness. Most who read the Bible know the passage in 2 Chronicles that is often quoted, though seldom followed:

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. Now mine eyes shall be open, and mine ears attent unto the prayer that is made in this place. (2 Chronicles 7:14-15)

One of the things I love about this passage is that it didn't depend on worldwide repentance, just the people who call themselves followers of God. Now, there is a cynical part of me, too, because sometimes I look around at those who call themselves by His name and I'm ashamed. They're like an amalgam of the churches of Ephesus, Sardis, and Laodicia in the book of Revelation (Revelation 2-3). They want to call themselves part of the church, but live like the world. Can the Lord turn His face toward us when even His people are in this condition? Then, I remembered two things. First, there is always a remnant. Always. Two, there are great examples in scripture when the prayers of a SINGLE believer saved a nation. Here are two.

Daniel

I teach the adult Sunday School class at my church. Hardly a lesson goes by when I don't bring up Daniel. I admire him so much. I aspire to be like him. Remind me sometime to tell you the verse about his character that convicts me the most and shows me where I fall short. In Daniel, the nation of Israel was coming up on the completion of 70 years of captivity in Babylon. There were still Israelis in the land of Israel, but they were the powerless (the poor) and the useless (the dregs). Don't equate those two. They're separate groups. The point from Nebuchadnezzar's mind was they were no threat. Those who could be a threat were taken to Babylon. For years, God had warned people of Israel unless they repented they'd spend 70 in captivity. They didn't listen. And Babylon came.

Fast forward about 70 years and now Babylon had been overthrown. It was now the Medo-Persian Empire running things and those 70 years of promised captivity was coming to an end. Now you think Daniel, who was first taken captive at the age of around 14-15, would be thrilled and packing his bags. Instead, he gave a remarkable prayer of repentance on behalf of his people. You can read his prayer in Daniel 9. Seriously, go read it. Now why would Daniel feel the need to beg for the mercy of God when he knew the 70 years were coming to an end? Didn't he know the word of God? Did He not have faith that God would keep His word and restore the people of Israel?

He did. In fact, Daniel knew the word of God so well, that he understood the importance of this prayer of repentance. You see, there is another verse tucked away in the Book of Leviticus that says, "And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins." (Leviticus 26:18). Hence Daniel's prayer on behalf of his people.

Thankfully, the scriptures teach us that the "effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16).

And Daniel's prayer availeth...

Shortly after, around 537 B.C., Cyrus the Persian gave the command that the Israelites could return to their land. Not only did the Lord hear Daniel's prayer, but He sent Daniel a heavenly messenger to assure him of the fact as well as give Daniel a glimpse into the future.

Nehemiah

Fast forward with me one more time to 445 B.C. Nehemiah was serving as the cupbearer in the court of the Persain King Artaxerxes I. Some Israelite friends came to visit him. Nehemiah immediately inquired about how things were going in Jerusalem. The news was grim. The wall to the city of Jersualem was in tatters and they were facing enemies on all sides. Without a wall, they were defenseless. When Nehemiah heard this, he wept, mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of Heaven (Nehemiah 1:4).

In this prayer, which you can read in the remainder of that chapter, Nehemiah repented on behalf of his people and then he reminded God of His promises in Deuteronomy 30, specifically that when the scattered people of Israel repented, He would restore them to their land no matter how far they were scattered. Then he asked the Lord to give him mercy in the sight of "this man." We learn in the sentence that immediately follows, that "this man" was the king.

Just four months later, the answer to Nehemiah's prayer came. His countenance was sad and the king noticed. Not only did he notice, he noticed the type of sadness. Sorrow of the heart AND he asked Nehemiah about it. This tells me that Nehemiah was the type of servant the king actually respected and even cared about. Nehemiah 2:2 says that Nehemiah was afraid to answer. You may wonder why. Well, he had good reason.

If you angered a king, you could be put to death. Not too long before this, some enemies of Israel wrote the king and told him that the Israelites were a rebellious people who couldn't be trusted to rebuild the wall or they might not serve the king any longer. This resulted in Artaxerxes issuing a decree that the rebuilding of Jerusalem and its wall was to be halted. (Ezra 4:7-24).

You can understand Nehemiah's reticence. Yet, he told the king his sorrow over his nation. Artaxerxes asked, "For what dost thou make request?" Nehemiah took a moment to pray (I definetely don't blame him) and then asked for leave to go to Jersualem and help complete the repairs. He also asked for letters of safe passage, as well as letters of the king's orders that construction was to reconvene, AND for the king to help provide the needed supplies to do the construction. Bold. But guess what? The king agreed to all of it.

One man, by serving faithfully in the position of a servant was able to change the course of the nation he loved.

My beloved brothers and sisters, SO CAN WE.

Standing in the Gap

Now it is our turn. We must pray. We must repent, both for our own sins as well as the sins of our nation. Then, like Nehemiah, we must get to work. Nehemiah went to Jersualem and helped rebuild the wall. What do we rebuild? We rebuild the character of our nation. Serve well where you are planted. Live as salt and light. Love those around you. Live righteously. Help where you can in wise ways. Pray some more. Pray not just for the repentance of the people, but for revelation in what work the Lord has for YOU to do (Ephesians 2:10). What can one person do? Save a nation.

Doing Hard Things

I was going over 1 Neiph 16 again today and some thoughts came to mind.

Lehi:

In verse 8 Nephi said,

"And thus my father had fulfilled all the commandments of the Lord which had been given unto him."

How many of us could say that? My heart was filled with longing to be that person. It reminded me of Daniel of the Old Testament. When the three satraps were looking for a way to accuse him before the king, they could find nothing. Nothing. The verse states he had no negligence or neglect in any of his duties. Can you imagine that? Maybe I should stop typing and mop these floors I've not washed this week? But I digress. Back to Lehi....

Just a few verses later, things got tough again. They were out of food. I don't know if you've ever been in that situation, but I have. When the pantry and refrigerator are empty and there is ZERO money in your account to purchase food it is discouraging. We say we are willing to suffer all things for the Lord, yet sometimes when things are hard, we complain. That's what Lehi did. This great man who followed every command of the Lord murmured against the Lord because of their lack of food.

This reminded me of two things:

1. Being righteous and doing the very hard things the Lord asks you to do does not exempt you from extraordinarily difficult trials. You do not get some "Get out of difficulties free card." because you've been faithful.
2. If we don't keep a constant guard on our hearts and faith we can very easily fall in to sin. Side note: Have you ever noticed how closer murmur and murder are in sound? When we murmur against the Lord, we are destroying our own faith.

Nephi:

Oh Nephi. I love this young man so much. He suffered more than the rest of his family because not only did he face the exact same difficulties as they did, but he also suffered from their constant complaints and negativity. Every once in a while they'd try to destroy him too, blaming him for their challenges.

It is so hard being the sole person striving to honor the Lord in your tribe of people. Often he had his father's strength and faith to lean on, but in this passage, even his father had taken a different path. This is a great reminder that sometimes you have to go it alone. You won't have that Samwise Gamgee to tell you, "This is hard, but we'll do it together."

Nephi is also a great example of one of my favorite mottos, "Do the next thing." His bow broke. They were starving. Everyone was laying around complaining about the hardness of what the Lord was requiring after them. I'm sure Nephi was heartsick about the brass bow breaking. It was a great resource for them. But, does he say, "Really God? Now you want me to find food without the one thing I had going for me?" No! Nephi puts on his big boy sandals and gets a stick and makes a bow. Was it as good as the resource he had before? Not even close. But, it is what he had.

Sometimes we lose the only resources we have. When that happens, we look around and say, "Okay. What can I do now?" He fashioned the best bow he could and then inquired of the Lord. He even went to his father and asked him to inquire of the Lord of where he should go to find food. That simple act helped to bring his father to repentance.

Nephi teaches me, "Yes, you are tired, hungry, and discouraged, but get up do what you can and leave the rest to the Lord."

The Daughters of Ishmael:

I'm guessing they were used to a much cushier life. Then the Lord asks them to marry these men who are taking them from the comforts they are used to and causing them to wander in the wilderness. And just when things seem to be at its worst, their father dies. It's natural they were upset.

But, here is what they didn't know. Their beloved Jerusalem was about to be destroyed by the Babylonians. At best, they'd have been carried away to Babylon to serve their captors. At worst, they'd be either dead or left as "the poorest of the land" to work the fields and live amongst the rubble left there. They were being rescued from that.

There was something else they didn't know. Yes, what they're doing is hard. What they have to experience is painful. But, they were being led to a different land. A land better than the one they'd left. They'd get to start a kingdom of people. The mothers of a new nation.

---

In the midst of our journeys, when trials are swirling all around us, we rarely see what we're being rescued from and the bounty that lay before us when the journey is over.

When I am facing difficult things, as I am now, I want to remember I don't see the whole picture. I want to be the one who increases the faith of those around me, as Nephi did, and not the one who gives up and joins the pity party.

The Lord has called me to do hard things and I want to honor that.

Mary & Joseph

Mary

When the angel came to her telling her she was about to bear the Son of God, a thousand thoughts must of passed through her mind. Would Joseph understand? Would he leave her?  Would people believe her? Or would they label her either insane or immoral? Yet, despite all that her worlds to the angel were,

"Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord. Be it done to me accourding to your word."

But it didn't stop there. She was told that her son, her beloved boy, would cause the fall and rise of many and a sword would pierce her own soul. Yet, she just treasured all this up in her heart and lived in quiet obedience. The true epitome of a gentle and quiet spirit. 

She was the perfect mother for the Son of God.

I admire her.  I want to be like Mary.

When my dreams are crushed,... I want to be submissive, without bitterness.

When the people around me are cruel and hurtful... I want to be full of love.

 Joseph

Even when he thought Mary was unfaithful to him, he chose to be merciful. He could have publicly humiliated her or even had her stoned. Instead, he chose to separate privately. Then, when the angel came to him and told him the truth. He accepted it and loved both Mary and her child. 

Some men aren't good fathers even to their own children. Joseph helped raise a child that wasn't his. He guided Him. Provided for Him. He even taught Him a trade. 

Sometimes, I think Joseph doesn't get enough credit. 

He was the perfect father for the Son of God. 

Learning to Count It All Joy

via GIPHY

I'm good at patiently enduring. I've been given many opportunities to practice. But, I realized this week there's something I haven't yet learned. Fortunately, Heavenly Father is patient with me. I had a very difficult few days. Let me tell you a little bit about it.

Day One

The company I work for lost a client, which provided a good amount of work for me. That means less hours and less income.

Day Two

My lovely daughter was in a wreck, with our only vehicle. She was hit by a woman driving without a license, who doesn't speak English, and refuses to take responsibility.

Day Three

Found out our only vehicle was totaled. Unfortunately, it wasn't worth much which means not getting much money from the insurance company to get a new vehicle. I was quite worried. Especially because they only gave me a few days with a rental because the car was totaled. That meant I had to find a vehicle fast... with hardly any money.

Day Four

I received my rejection from Pitch Wars. If you're not a writer, that won't really mean anything to you, but to me, it was heart breaking.

Day Five

Received horrible results from an important medical test. I go back to the hospital Wednesday to find out how bad it actually is. 

By this time, I'd lost it. I broke down into tears. I opened my scriptures, desperately praying for guidance. My scriptures open to James 1:2-3 "Count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." 

So, here's the thing. I realized right at that moment that while I knew who to patiently endure, without complaining. I didn't know how to count it all joy. That's what I'm trying to learn now. Those of you who are more advanced than I am spiritually, feel free to give me some pointers. 

Why I Stay

I often get emails about my conversion.  The trend lately has been people incredulous that I'm STILL Mormon, as if it were some kind of infection they were certain I'd have recovered from by now.  Let me tell you why I stay.

When I was protestant, I lived a faithful life. I studied my scriptures diligently. I prayed. I strived to keep my life free from sin. I did my best to serve. Yet, whenever I read the verse from John 10, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me," I'd get worried. I couldn't hear His voice no matter how hard I tried.  I was sure that meant I wasn't "saved".

I talked with my husband about it. He always blew it off saying, "If you're not saved, no one is." While I appreciated his confidence in my spiritual life, I couldn't help but feel a shard of ice cold fear. I spoke with a pastor about it. He asked me to go through 1 John and look at the "tests" of discipleship. I would always pass that test with flying colors, no matter how many times I took it. Yet, I didn't feel at peace. Why couldn't I hear the Savior's voice? I'd pray and ask that question all the time. Heaven seemed silent.

Enter my conversion.

While my worries about the passage from John had absolutely no influence on my conversion, one of the HUGE (and surprising) benefits I received from being Mormon was an answer to that prayer. Suddenly, I could hear and recognize the Savior's voice--clearly and often.

I can't begin to describe what a blessing that is to both myself and my family as a whole. That single answer to prayer is enough to keep me Mormon forever. I'm not willing to give up my intimate communion with the Savior through the Spirit of God simply to make my life easier and my religion more palatable to others.

I stay because it has brought me closer to my God and Savior than I ever fathomed possible.

You Need a Shower!

I had the privilege this weekend of going to an elderly relative's house and going over her bills and medications with her and getting her ready to be transferred to a new place. One of my goals going there was to make sure she got a shower.  She hadn't had one in a while. A long while. She has a stronger will than her previous caregivers.  I was determined my will would be stronger than hers.

I'd prepared her ahead of time telling her one of my goals when I came was to get her clean. I reminded her when I arrived we were going to get her a shower.  She kept finding things to go over to avoid it.  She made many excuses. When that failed, she cried.  She did not want a shower. I felt for her, but I knew getting clean was important.  I was trying hard to be patient, but firm.

Then when I'd finally got her compliant there was no hot water.  I saw a smile creep across her face. I couldn't make her take a cold shower.  That would be cruel.  She thought she was off the hook.

I walked over to a neighbor's house where I knew there was a man and asked him to come look at her hot water heater and tell me if it was an easy fix.  He graciously obliged and determined the heating elements were out. Now she was sure she was off the hook.  He knew what was happening and offered his shower to us.

When this dear woman heard plan B, she literally wailed. Suddenly, she determined she couldn't walk over to his house.  She actually could, but to let her know I was serious I said we'd carry her if necessary.  More tears.  The whole way to his house she told us why she couldn't do this.  The neighbor tried to suppress his laughter. It was like dealing with a toddler.

The shower was no easier. She complained the whole time. While I washed her hair. While I cleaned her back. While I gave her a soaped up washcloth and instructed her how to get herself clean anywhere I thought she was capable. The entire time I reminded her how much better she'll feel after she was clean.  She didn't believe me.

It occurred to me there was something to learn from this experience. Sometimes we're in need of a shower. Not a literal one--the cleansing of repentance. But, like this elderly woman, the process of getting clean sounds like the worst possible experience. It's going to be hard. We like our dirt.  It's comfortable. It's easy. Then when we finally think we're ready, we realize we don't have the resources. Fortunately, like this woman's neighbor, Christ has provided what will get us clean through His atonement.

I made a decision while showering her. I never want to fight against what's good for me. I don't want to get in a battle of wills with my Savior. When He tells me I need a shower, I want to jump in. I want to be clean.

Honesty

I was at Walmart today....
Yep, two days before Christmas. It was a madhouse, of course. But, everyone was polite. In fact, everyone pretty well knew what everyone else was going through. The last minute mad dash to make sure you have Christmas properly squared away. At one point, a woman and I were coming down an aisle from opposite directions. I don't know what my face looked like, but as we passed she laughed and said, "I know, baby. I know.  It's almost over."  We both laughed.

I was tired.  Really tired. I only needed candy for the children's stockings, scotch tape, and a couple of presents for my third child.  I got everything I needed as quickly as possible and dashed to the self-checkout.

I still had one last stop to go-- the grocery store. After that, it was home to unload groceries, then it would be time for me to go to work.

Did I mention I was tired?

I checked out and got to the door. I even got through the machines that are supposed to tell you if you've stolen anything. I was to the parking lot when it occurred to me I didn't remember putting the tape in a bag. That meant I didn't pay for it either.  I looked into my cart. There it was, sitting nice and pretty underneath the bags...my stolen item worth $1.00.

I really wanted to get on with my day, but I couldn't. That $1.00 would bug me for the rest of my life. So, I turned around, told the door guard what I did and asked if I could just go back to pay for it. There were a couple of workers standing nearby. One of them looked at me like I was insane.  Another put a hand on my shoulder and said, "You'll be blessed by heaven."

I smiled and went to pay for the tape.

When I got home, there was a bag of groceries sitting on my door. Not just a bag of groceries. A bag of Whole Foods groceries that contained everything I needed for an Italian Christmas Eve dinner. I'm Italian and haven't been able to afford the fish for Christmas Eve for many years. It was such a blessing.

Was that a blessing for my honesty? Maybe. And believe me, I valued that anonymous gift on my doorstep. The thoughtfulness, energy, and expense that went into such a gift was incredible. I can't wait to share it with my children.

But, I'm also grateful for the gift of a clear conscious. You see, if I'd have left Walmart, I would never have been at peace. A clear conscience is its own blessing.

Review Your Light and Knowledge

Yes, I have been gone a while.  I've been working hard on other things. Even better, I'm starting to see those goals coming to fruition. I'll be back here a little more often because I've found a good pattern for taking care of my family, working, my callings, and homeschooling.  It's taken a bit. Truthfully, it will always be a work in progress with occasional course corrections. The same is true of our spiritual lives.

I'm in the habit of jotting down an application to myself after my scripture reading. Today I was in Alma 9. Verse 23 stood out to me.

"And now behold I say unto you, that if this people, who have received so many blessings from the hand of the Lord, should transgress contrary to the light and knowledge which they do have, I say unto you that if this be the case, that if they should fall into transgression, it wouuld be far more tolerable for the Lamanites than for them."

It's easy to take light for granted. We've been given so much. But, if we start ignoring the light. Willfully living without it. We destroy ourselves.

I jotted down Alma 9:23 "Review the light you've been given. Are you neglecting the things you have already been taught?"

If you're feeling stagnant in your walk with the Lord ask yourself if you're doing what you already know. The Holy Spirit isn't going to give further light and knowledge until we're honoring what we've already been given.

Maybe you just need a course correction.

The Trust of Prayer

A young Amy Carmichael, who grew up to be a missionary in India, learned about prayer from her parents.  She learned that Heavenly Father heard her prayers. She learned He could do anything. And she believed.  That night, at bedtime, she went to her knees and asked Heavenly Father to turn her eyes blue.  She went to bed with the excitement and faith only a child can muster.  In the morning, she ran to the mirror gleeful to look at her brand new, blue eyes. Her heart broke when her own brown eyes were staring back at her.

Does that mean that her prayer was not answered? Did Heavenly Father break His word? She certainly had the faith that was required. Amy learned something. She learned that “No” is an answer too.

When we pray for something, we need to do it in faith. But, we also need to do it in submission, trusting that our Heavenly Father knows best for us. 

I remember a time, shortly after my conversion, there was something I prayed for desperately. I couldn’t imagine how I would survive Heavenly Father saying “No” to this prayer.  I would weep during the prayer. Each time, though, Heavenly Father said, “There are things you don’t know.  Trust me.  I have something so much better for you.” 

Now, I can look back and see His wisdom.  At the time, it felt like I was being asked to endure too much. I recently found out just how much my God had protected me.  He knew things about the situation I didn’t. I have more gratitude for that “No” than I do for almost every “Yes” I have ever received.   

So, if you’ve been pouring out your heart in prayer and feel ignored, this is the time to wait and trust.  We often don’t have the whole picture.  I promise you, that He hears you.  And sometimes, a no is a much better answer than you’d think.

The Sweet Memory of Past Sin

That title probably sounds weird…even wrong.  No memory of sin should be sweet.  Of course not, but bear with me.  Many of you know I am a homeschool mom.  My oldest daughter will be reading St. Augustine’s Confessions this fall.  I’ve been re-reading it in order to write a discussion guide for us to use.  I came across this passage:

“I must now carry my thoughts back to the abominable things I did in those days….the memory is bitter, but it will help me to savour your sweetness, the sweetness that does not deceive but brings real joy and never fails.”  ~ st. augustine

That completely changed my view of the past.  While before it brought me low and I used it as a warning never to allow myself to be deceived again. It’s different now. Sweeter.  It’s still a good reminder to beware, but now it also draws me into praise. 

My Savior gave himself as a sacrifice, so that I could be at peace before my God.  Now, instead of being weighed down with guilt, I smell the sweet aroma of the sacrificial atonement.  No wonder the Old Testament sacrifices were such a pleasing aroma to God.  They brought to His mind the willing love and sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. 

Now, if something reminds me of the past, I think of the Savior’s gift and look toward the future, where I will dwell with my God. When I do that, my heart swells with love and praise for him.  That is definitely sweet.

 

When You Disagree with Leadership

 

From the time Mormons are knee-high to a priesthood holder, they are taught the stories about Nephi and his brothers.  Nephi honored both God and his father. His brothers, Laman and Lemuel, complained and rebelled.  Yet, despite the fact that we’ve been taught these stories over and over again, somehow we seem to be missing the point-- How they got that way.

I hear grumblings in the church a lot lately.  I hear them in the ward. I hear them on Facebook. There are grumblings about women and the priesthood.** There are grumblings about gay marriage.  Sometimes the grumblings are about petty issues.  They usually start with the phrase, “If I were in charge…”

With all due respect, and as someone who would sometimes do things differently herself, we are not in charge.  Our job is to decide if we can sustain our leadership. If so, then get in the trenches and lift them up.  Make their burden lighter. Magnify our callings.  So, how do you decide if you can sustain your leadership on issues you feel differently?  Do what Nephi did. 

Nephi didn’t just say, “He’s our father and we’ll do what he says.” Nor will you have to say “The leadership says this so…”

Look at this verse that explains Nephi’s reaction when he was perplexed.

“Wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.” 1 Nephi 2:16b

Therein lies the difference.  Nephi sought out what the Lord wanted him to do.  He didn’t go into it with his mind made up. He sincerely wanted to know the truth and was willing to honor whatever that was.  I love that about Nephi.

Nephi then went to his brothers and explained to them the things the Spirit had made known to him.  Sam believed. Laman and Lemuel still refused. Why were their hearts so blind to the truth?  I have a couple of ideas.

1. It’s possible they refused to even seek the Lord.  Maybe they didn’t want to know that what their father was saying was correct.  They had in mind the world they wanted to live in and their father’s visions weren’t in line with that.

2. They looked “beyond the mark”. Jacob 4:14 talks about this.

“…they despised the words of plainness, and killed the prophets, and sought for things that they could not understand. Wherefore, because of their blindness, which blindness came by looking beyond the mark, they must needs fall…”

One of the words we translate as sin in the New Testament, literally means “to miss the mark”.  That is very interesting to me in light of the warning in Jacob 4:14.  When we insist on looking beyond the mark, the standards that God has set, we’re not just missing the mark, we’re putting ourselves at risk of spiritual blindness.

If you’re someone who is struggling with leadership, may I suggest spending some sincere time in prayer asking Heavenly Father to help you see what is right and what is wrong.  Do it with an open mind.  I promise, if you do, you will find a peace like you have never experienced before. The peace that Nephi experienced when the Spirit enlarged his mind to understand.

**To my non-Mormon readers, I wanted to make a small note about women and the priesthood.  What is not commonly known is that we don’t have a priesthood vocation.  You don’t become a Mormon priest as a career. Even our bishops, who lead the local congregations, are unpaid and generally only serve for 5 years in addition to their normal vocation that they continue to work in order to support their families.

The Problem with the Conference Dissenters

 

Even if you didn’t watch General Conference this past weekend, you’ve probably seen the articles about the dissenters. Essentially, they feel like there isn’t enough communication between the Prophet along with other General Authorities and the laity.  They want an open forum to address their doctrinal concerns.  I see a major problem with that.  It’s not what they’re called to do.  A prophet’s job is not to listen to us. His job is to listen to what the Lord says.  Would you really want a prophet who led by the majority opinion of the people? I certainly wouldn’t.

Imagine this scenario toward the end of the 7th century BC….

People: Jeremiah, we need to talk to you.  We’re not happy with some of the things you’re saying.  WE’RE God’s people, the Babylonians should not come to rule over us.

Jeremiah: Well, you know, God’s doing that because you are His people. You refuse to listen, so He’s got to get your attention.

People: About that….We think some of these rules are unnecessary.  Here are some things we think merit further discussion:

1. The Seventh Year Sabbath:  We’d be much more financially and agriculturally productive if we weren’t required to rest the land every seven years.   In fact, that’s why we’ve been ignoring the command.  All the farmers have discussed it and feel we should decide how to run our farms.
2. The Levites: Why should just the Levites get the priesthood? I mean there are plenty of people in the tribe of Naphtali that feel like that’s how they’d like to spend their lives.  Does God love the Levites more? Are you saying other tribes are worth less?
3. Levitical food restrictions: We really feel like we should eat whatever we want.  The other day, some guy from the outlying regions brought bacon.  It was GOOD.  We don’t see the wisdom in restraining from certain foods and feel bacon should be a part of our diet.

Jeremiah:  Hmmm….well if you put it that way.  I’m sure God won’t mind if we change a few things.  After all, a lot of things have changed since Moses was around.

Though the above scenario is ridiculous, that is essentially what the dissenters are wanting. They want a say in doctrine.  But, let’s be honest, any leader who does that will end up leading the church astray.  We shouldn’t desire our leaders to establish doctrine by vote. 

By the way, there was a time that happened. You may remember it. It’s called the apostasy.

I am grateful, for a prophet and apostles who look vertically for guidance, instead of horizontally.

**Side note** There were dissenters in the time of the Old Testament prophets as well. Though, instead of not sustaining, they would imprison or murder them.  Jeremiah went through quite a lot, but was steadfast regardless of what the people did to him or how much his heart was broken by the destruction of Jerusalem.  Let’s pray for our leadership, that they will remain strong and courageous as well.

Why I Don’t Date Outside the Church

I have great friends. Several of them are intensely interested in my dating life. They’re occasionally giving me a gentle nudge.  OK, some are outright shoving.  I know they’re doing it out of love and concern, and for that I love them deeply.  The two biggest criticisms I get are 1. I don’t put myself out there and 2. My standards are too high. While I realize I am under no obligation to justify my behavior, I wondered if there were other singles going through the same thing. Here are my reasons.

As my beautiful friend Emily once told me, “You’re not going to find someone hiding under a rock.” First of all, I’d never go under a rock.  There are worms there.  I understand her point though. While that is true it is easier to meet someone if you do things like go out in public, I’m just  not in a position to yet. During the day, I homeschool my children. In the evening, I work…yep, from home.  My computer screen and I are tight.  Yes, I realize the church has singles conferences everywhere (except here apparently), but there are reasons why I’m not dashing off to them.

I spent nineteen years serving my (ex) husband and children instead of building up my marketability and resume. I don’t regret that at all, however the end result is I’ve had to  start from scratch earning a living. That takes a lot of time. I’m in survival mode. Singles conferences are expensive and time consuming. I have children to care for and that leaves me little time for traveling.  If I did earn enough to travel, I’d take my lovely children on one of those things called family vacations.  I hear they’re awesome.

Let’s face it, even if I did go, I know me enough to know I wouldn’t get the full value. I’d spend my time terrified, wishing I had my books with me. I won’t flirt. My adorable friend Jen tried to get me to flirt with my nuclear medicine doc because he liked talking to me about what books I was reading. I couldn’t do it. I don’t know how.  While she gave some hilarious suggestions, one including a glow stick under my shirt during scans, it just isn’t me. I think she’s still mad at me for not trying.

The biggest criticism I get, however, is my standards.  A few of my friends are worried that I have impossible standards to meet. One is concerned I’ll never find someone  intelligent enough to make me happy. Several think, because there aren’t many single LDS men my age in this area, who are also righteous, I should look outside the church and convert them.

I don’t think that is wise. Here’s why. First let me say, if you are dating someone outside the church, I am not judging you. This is my personal standard.

The purpose of dating isn’t just to have fun.  I have lots of guy friends, that I don’t consider relationship eligible, that I have fun with all the time. We talk, we do silly things, we watch movies.  See…fun (within my limited time availability). Dating is different. The ultimate purpose of dating is to find an eternal partner. I would never marry someone who is not a member, so why date them? Would you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn’t love the Savior and the gospel as much as you do?

I had a lovely friend suggest I join Mensa and start conversing with some guys with similar interests as me. I was really tempted.  I crave thoughtful conversation. I might even meet someone much smarter and could challenge myself to even things up a bit. I wouldn’t mind that at all.  I’d gone as far as to look up joining on their website, but changed my mind.  Why?  What if I fell in love? I’ll say it again, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t love the Savior and the gospel as much as I do.

I can hear the naysayers now…. “But, you could convert them.”

Possibly, but what if I can’t? Then I’m left with two devastating choices. Break my own heart by ending the relationship or break my own heart by violating my standards and conscience. Not to mention the horrible example such a compromise would be to my children. 

I’d also be afraid that someone would appear to convert just to retain the relationship, but not have a real testimony.  How long do you think he’d be able to hold out faking it once the honeymoon was over and real life set in?

No thank you.

I’m perfectly happy to be friends with non-member men. I always talk about the gospel anyway. If  they convert and I’m interested, fine. If not, we’re best just as friends.

Honestly, I don’t mind waiting.  You don’t have to worry about me pining away at home wishing I had someone.  I promise. The occasional exception being after watching a Jane Austen movie.

In reality, I’m more tired than lonely. I’d rather wait until the Lord sends someone I can respect and trust to lead our home in righteousness than compromise for the temporary pleasures the world has to offer.

Continuing in Christ

You’ve been baptized. You made a commitment to die to yourself and live for Christ. It is an exciting time. Recent conversations with inactive members have convinced me of one thing. A commitment to Christ will not survive if it is only made at baptism. It is easy to be strong in the newness of the gospel. You’re excited. You see all the possibilities of a new life before you. But that light will fade if you don’t cling to it.

Your life in Christ will last only if you make a commitment to die to yourself a thousand times every day. You must continually make that commitment to Christ over and over.

Sometimes it is with big decisions. You must give up an addictive habit or learn to live within the bounds of moral purity. Those are important. But, to be frank, most of the decisions we make that lead to a righteous life are in the little decisions. Being diligent with our time. Spending time in prayer and scripture. Putting others before ourselves, without acting like a martyr for doing so.  These myriad of mini commitments we make are what keep us in the atonement of Christ.

Sometimes it is in making a commitment to just hang on in suffering. When your pain is beyond the aid of words or music, to cling to Christ. To say “I believe You. I will not forsake you, though I feel forsaken.”

Those decisions will change your life. Those will help you to grow to be more like the Savior. These will keep you on the path to salvation.

The Church Cannot Raise Your Children

It doesn’t matter whether you’re protestant, catholic, or LDS. It is up to you to raise and instruct your children. Yes, the church is fantastic and has lots of opportunities for learning the gospel.  In the LDS church we have primary, Sunday School, the Young Men and Young Women programs, and high school seminary. They are all good things. It’s important your child goes, but at best they are basic. Even the seminary program, which I highly recommend, is just four years of survey courses. Our children need more.

The general authorities (leadership in the LDS church) know this too. They’ve counseled parents on multiple occasions to have daily scripture study, prayer, and fun time together as important aspects of child rearing.

If you’ve ever taught primary you know the lessons can be….um…repetitive. I believe I taught a lesson on “Choose the Right” more times than I can count. That repetition is good and there probably isn’t an LDS child around that couldn’t tell you how important it is to make right choices. However, our children need doctrine too. They need to go through the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price (Whew! We have a lot of Scriptures) thoroughly before they leave your home.

Why?

I think the answer to that is twofold. 

1. That our children may know who god is and what he expects of them

The Book of Mormon puts it this way: 

“And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26

2. that they may grow in godliness

I love this passage in the New Testament:

“And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2

So where do you start?

First, in your everyday life.

You must live the gospel yourself. You must also talk about it.  Listen to what Moses taught the Israelites as they were about to enter the promised land.

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Duet. 6: 6.

It should just be a natural part of living- a regular and comfortable part of your daily conversations. Our children need us to engage with them about real life and how it fits in with the gospel.  Discuss current events with your children. Discuss politics. Help them learn to think for themselves and not just accept what the talking heads on television are telling them. Challenge them to look at the world in light of what we know about God’s instructions to us.

Make sure they understand that everyone is biased—yes even your favorite news anchor.  I’ve got news for you, you’re biased as well. When you can face that, it will help you be more honest with your children about exploring world views. Help them to take what they’re hearing and compare it with the word of God. Teach them to pray and ask the Spirit what is true and what they should do about it.

Second, in formal instruction.

This is where daily scripture study comes in.

For young children, teach them the stories of the Scriptures. They should know about Abraham, Moses, Christ, Paul’s life and Martyrdom, Nephi, King Benjamin, etc…

LDS parents need to be careful not to just focus on the Book of Mormon. Your future missionary is a lot less effective in ministering to protestants when they have a remedial understanding of the Old and New Testament. Believe me, as a former protestant who was an investigator for three years, I was often appalled at the lack of knowledge some missionaries had. It made me less likely to take them seriously.  Plus, they are missing out on a large portion of God’s instruction to us.

For older children, take the time to do an additional more in depth study. Our classes at church do not (to my complete exasperation at times). Do a weekly study with them on a book of scripture. Give them assignments that teach them how to study the words of God for themselves.

I know you’re probably thinking when you’re going to find the time to fit all this in. Believe me, if I can do it ANYONE can.

Most parents love their children. Most want to do what is the best for their children. Just don’t be tempted to think just sending them to church is enough. It’s good, but it’s not enough.

For Those That Are Discouraged

Sometimes you can do everything right and things can still go wrong.  When that happens, it is easy to get discouraged. I was feeling that way last week. I was undergoing difficult medical treatments.  Then, what was supposed to be three days of isolation (because of some radioactive treatments), turned into a week. Then they added painful injections. Then, in the midst of my isolation I received a letter from someone that brought up horrible memories. Then, I got super sick. Then a tree fell on my house. Seriously—a tree. My landlord has pictures. Can you believe that week?

You can see where I might get discouraged. That is until I came across a passage in the book of Ether.

The Jaredites were about to go on a trip—a long trip.  They had made all the preparations. (see Ether 6:4) They did everything right. They even “commended themselves unto the Lord.” Then the storm came.

“And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.” Ether 6:6

They knew the Lord brought the storm, but it doesn’t make weathering it any easier.  Storms are frightening. Storms can be painful. But, here is the helpful part. Storms have purpose.

“And it came to pass that the  wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.” Ether 6:8

When I read those words, the Spirit brought me instantaneous comfort. I was reminded that the Lord has purpose and direction for the things He’s bringing into my path.  Each storm He brings my way is designed to bring me closer to the goal.

You may be wondering what’s the goal? For me, it is conformity to Christ. I want to be like my Savior.

“And we know that all thing work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to HIs purpose. For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son…” Romans 8:28-29

That is the beauty of commending yourself into the hand of the Lord. Peace. At that moment, in the midst of the turmoil swirling around me, the Lord reminded me I was not forgotten. He had my back. I felt like I could do anything.

I’m grateful for a Savior who is patient with me when I grow frightened and weary. But, more than that, I’m grateful for a God who is bigger than storms.

Why I’m Not “Repentant”

There is a large group of people waiting for me to renounce Mormonism.  They pray for my repentance. They occasionally mention my need for it.  I’m sure they wonder what is taking me so long.  They think of me and shake their heads. Today I’d like to explain why I’ve not “repented”.

I have found Christ.  While I did love and worship Him before, it’s deeper now because I understand Him more.  It’s like when you first meet someone and have an instant bond with. You like them. After a time, however, as you really get to know them, it’s different. You know THEM and it makes you love them even more. 

That is how I feel about my faith. I know Christ and my Heavenly Father more than I ever have. When I was a reformed protestant, I loved my Savior. I truly did. Yet, if I’m being honest, I felt something was missing. I’d read my scriptures, which I loved and felt somehow I was missing something. The only thing I can liken it to is reading a literary passage where I know there is a deeper meaning I should be grasping. I can kind of see it, but it’s blurry and just out of reach. 

Other times, the problem was more obvious. I had the distinct feeling that we, like the Pharisees during the life of the Savior, were missing the point. There were also aspects of Scripture we seemed to be ignoring.

In all my life, I’ve never felt closer to my God. I finally know what that passage means when it says “My sheep hear my voice.” I know what it means to be led by the Spirit of God. I know my God and He knows me. I know what it means to have the Savior call you friend. I know what it means to have Him beside me. Really beside me.

Here are the things Mormonism has added to my life:

• A much deeper knowledge of the Godhead and communion with them.
• Real peace that comes from knowing I am in His will.
• The constant companionship of the Holy Spirit, including His whispered guidance.
• Priesthood ordinances that do things I couldn’t even begin to delineate here.
• The FULLNESS of the gospel.  I no longer have to read my scriptures and wonder why something is not a part of gospel living anymore, because it is a part of it. After all, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Why would I give that up?

So, that is why I am not willing to “repent”. Can those of you who think I am going to hell still pray for me? Of course! But, while you do, take a moment to sincerely pray and ask your Father in Heaven if maybe you’re  not missing the point.

The Habits of Wisdom

I had a mild breakdown tonight. So much stress. So much to do. So much I want to accomplish, and so little time. So, I went to my knees and cried out to my Father in Heaven. I asked Him to help me, to give me wisdom for what I have to accomplish. I asked to be aware of the things He wanted me to do and to make them a priority.

The information that followed was not new, but it was a good reminder.

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7

The key, for me, is to remember to put first things first. Instead of stressing over everything that has to be done and rushing from responsibility to responsibility in a frenzy, I need to slow down. That doesn’t mean drop any responsibilities. Instead, it means to put my Savior first. But not only that, but to do each responsibility peacefully--remembering it is my Savior I am serving, no matter how mundane a task may seem. I can take the time to do them with beauty.

I’m writing this to remind myself and keep myself accountable.  I love my Savior and I love my family. I want to serve both of them to the best of my ability.

The Problem with Priesthood Protests

I have been frustrated and confused by the members who are protesting the fact that women aren't in the priesthood. I believe they are putting themselves in a dangerous position. When we joined the church, we made covenants to follow the Lord Jesus Christ in all things. That includes the running of His church.  Do we really believe a bunch of dissatisfied women running around complaining is going to change the Lord's mind?  Do you think He will sit in heaven and say, "Oh, look, most of the women wore purple to the women's session in protest tonight, we should completely change the plan of salvation and eternity to satisfy them?"

Here's the danger. Their problem isn't with the brethren. It's with the Lord. They are rejecting the design of God, not Thomas S. Monson.  There are many passages on the Priesthood in our scriptures. I want to draw your attention to one. Doctrine & Covenants 84. Joseph Smith had just delineated the importance of the men receiving the priesthood, but then he says something very interesting.  Remember he has always taught that women receive the same spiritual blessings as men.

"And also all they who receive the priesthood, receive me, saith the Lord; for he that receiveth my servants receiveth me." vs. 35-36

We, who are not a part of the priesthood, are called  to receive them, meaning to believe in and accept their authority.  In so doing, we acknowledging the authority of the Savior. To do otherwise, is to say we know better than God.

Here is my advice (such as it is) to women who desire the priesthood. First, go to your Heavenly Father. Tell Him you are willing to honor your covenants and follow Him. Ask Him to give you a testimony of the priesthood. If you go with a sincere heart, it will come. Secondly, ask Him to show you His plan for women. I will tell you, it is beautiful. It is fulfilling. It is authoritative (in case you're still worried about that). Thirdly, get busy doing what He has truly called you to. I firmly believe if the women in the church were busy doing the callings they've already received, they'd have little desire for the priesthood. Ladies, let's serve where we're planted, and support our brethren in the callings they've received. Those of you who have been mothers know how hard it is to do what is best for your children when they are fighting you. Though they are not our parents, how hard we make it for the brethren to serve us, when we spend all our time fighting them.

I do not ignore the fact that some men, not the majority by any means, have abused their roles. Ladies, the verses condemning these men are some of the strongest in scripture. No one has a higher regard for women than the Lord does. Trust Him.